The Los Angeles Times reports, “After making headlines this week for accusing a congressional cafeteria of selling him a ‘dangerous’ sandwich, Congressman Dennis Kucinich, D-Ohio, released a statement today announcing his lawsuit seeking $150,000 in damages had been settled.”
Surely, that sandwich will forever more be known in the Congressional cafeteria as the Kucinich Special. We’re pretty sure customers are already lining up and saying, “Gimme that Dennis Kucinich sandwich.”
With that in mind, it seems to us that the Congressional cafeteria should introduce a whole line of sandwiches named after Washington, DC political and media types.
Please allow us to make some suggestions:
The Obama Surprise: Some days it’s all baloney and no bread. Other days it’s de-boned and spineless chicken on dark rye (You never really know what you’ll get. That’s why it’s called a surprise.)
The Barney Frank: Rump roast with an extra helping of salami.
The Harry Reid: Cold, aged beef with no seasoning on white bread.
The Ed Schultz: Beef tongue with an extra serving of fat. Always served hot.
The Keith Olbermann: This item has been removed from the menu.
The Joe Biden: This is a huge f’ing sandwich. It contains a lot of f’ing pork. It’s a f’ing fork-ready project. (NOTE: The Joe Biden Combo comes one fry short of a happy meal.)
The Nancy Pelosi: Cold, crusty chicken, hold the pickle, on old rye.
The Helen Thomas: Non-Kosher meats and cheeses that have been aged beyond recognition. It’s all served on Halal-friendly breads (all profits from this sandwich will be donated back to Palestinian freedom fighters seeking the destruction of Israel a peaceful two-state alternative.
The Tim Geitner: Lean, greasy turkey. Tax-free through April 15.
The Michelle Obama: You don’t order the Michelle Obama. The Michelle Obama orders you!
The Al Sharpton: A delightful low carb alternative featuring dark meat turkey wrapped in a thin skin of pure cheese.
The Ben Nelson: Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, The Ben Nelson has sold out.
The Ted Kennedy: Dry, aged liver patty. Ask for the Kennedy Combo and get a free Bloody Mary.