Obama annoyed by the outrage. Apparently forgetting for the moment, or until TOTUS reminds him, that he himself was one of the most outraged. This is the trouble with lying – it’s difficult keeping your story straight.
Federal agency brags “NOTHING IS BEYOND OUR REACH.” The U.S. National Reconnaissance Office is the place that launched a bunch of new spy satellites yesterday – one big spy satellite and 12 “nanosatellites,” whatever that means. In the wake of the ongoing NSA scandal, their new logo falls one or two gnat’s whiskers short of tactful.
One meeting in more than three and a half years. That’s how involved the president was in the implementation of Obamacare. He met with the cabinet secretary in charge of his signature legislation one time. Meanwhile, he was playing thousands of holes of golf.
ACLU suing United States Conference of Catholic Bishops… because Catholic hospitals don’t allow abortions. According to ACLU Newspeak, abortion equals liberty, by golly, and those doggone proles in the Catholic Church must stop committing thoughtcrimes or face the three stages of reintegration.
Obama seriously considered minting a trillion-dollar coin to bypass debt ceiling. We all thought this was a joke dreamed up by whacky fringe leftists, but Obama had the Justice Department’s Office of Legal Counsel draw up a detailed legal justification for making this thing out of platinum. The coin would be deposited at the Federal Reserve and used (somehow, mysteriously) to make government expenditures.
Surprise, surprise: Obama’s illegal uncle gets to stay in the U.S. Boy oh boy, who saw that coming? A federal immigration judge ruled Tuesday that Onyango Obama can remain in the United States, get a green card, and in five years apply for US citizenship… this after forty-some years of being an illegal alien, lying to immigration officials, and getting arrested for drunk driving.
Archie Comics CEO sued for gender discrimination. Nancy Silberkleit is accused of calling male employees “Penis” instead of using their names. Her official response in a court filing is that white males are not a protected class so she can call them whatever she wants… otherwise known as the “Eric Holder Theory of Civil Rights.”
New brain study suggests men and women are wired differently. Yet another “scientific” study from the university that brought us Michael Mann and his Hockey Stick. File this one in the No Shit Sherlock Department.
New York lawsuit seeks “personhood” for chimpanzees. The lawsuit, filed by Nonhuman Rights Project, claims Tommy, the chimp plaintiff, is “a cognitively complex autonomous legal person with the fundamental legal right not to be imprisoned.” One question: have they explained to Tommy that winning will mean having to buy Obamacare?
Muslim congressman says Obama showed “integrity” when he apologized for lying. So now we know how Muslims define integrity.
Gender-confused students at women’s college don’t like personal pronouns. Instead of “he” or “she” they want to be called “ze,” “e,” “ou,” or “ve…” although that last one sounds dangerously sexist to us. We dare anyone, at any college anywhere, to get a woman’s attention by shouting, “Hey, ve!”
HHS to spend $7 billion designing ways to save money on Obamacare. Here’s an idea, Ms. Sebelius: don’t spend the $7 billion. See? We just saved a bunch of money.
Common Core says teach Gettysburg Address without mentioning Civil War. Because it would be unfair to assume students know what the Civil War is, thereby giving those students who do know about the Civil War an advantage. Horrors! Imagine that: students with knowledge having an advantage in school.
Do you feel like Thanksgiving week was a bit chilly this year? Past seven days: 205 record snowfalls and 1,172 record lows versus only 78 record highs. Apparently, Al Gore’s vegetarian diet is having a miraculous effect on Global Warming.
Sharia police in Nigeria destroy 240,000 bottles of beer. Okay, now those crazy Muslims have gone too far!
Cancer victim who complained about Obamacare on Fox News now being audited by IRS. The IRS is auditing him all the way back to 2003, so at least the guy won’t be needing a proctologist.
“I am not a turkey! Sure, okay, I lied about what Obamacare would do to you, and I have royally messed up the Middle East, and I’ve frittered away trillions of dollars of your money on what, in hindsight, seems to be crap and nonsense while the economy just gets worse (and yes, I admit I lied about unemployment, too), and as long as I’m confessing you’re totally correct that I’ve been using various agencies of the federal government to discombobulate and marginalize my political opponents, and okay, sure, I have a deep distaste for Israel, Christianity, and America, in that order, but Happy Thanksgiving anyway everybody! You elected me, you giant dummies, and I have three years left!“
Speechifying about immigration, President Obama lets his inner racist out. It’s like getting a peek at the demon inside Linda Blair:
“You know, as I was getting a tour of DreamWorks, I didn’t ask, but just looking at faces I could tell there were some folks who are here not because they were born here…”
WTF? He can identify immigrants by looking at their faces? He should teach that trick to the TSA.
NSA spied on Internet porn habits to acquire info for discrediting people. And here we thought the frequent mention of IHTM staff members in NSA data files was due to our conservative political views.
Desperate for circulation, The New York Times goes tabloid. By putting a giant picture of a nipple on the front page. Maybe it was an attempt to distract readers from the scary story to the right of the nipple.
While Lurch Kerry was in Geneva being bamboozled by Iran… Iran had a delegation in North Korea buying a new long-range rocket booster for ICBMs, which, coincidentally, they can easily afford now that the Obama administration is lifting sanctions on Iran. It’s almost like Kerry and Obama want nuclear missiles raining down on Israel.