British doctors call for ban on long kitchen knives to end stabbings. Well, now the Brits can have Piers back so he can call everybody against knife control a stupid idiot. And we’ll throw David Gregory in for nothing. Aw hell, take all of our journ0lists… please! What could’ve started this Night of the Long Knives, a mass stabbing somewhere? We’ve heard rumors the individual pictured below killed numerous times and even filmed her crimes for audiences to watch. Scary.

serial killer Julia Child holding knife

{ 96 comments… read them below or add one }

Ruben December 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

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A long knife ban? Figures… effete left-leaning Londoners have always considered themselves on the cutting edge.

CO2Insanity December 28, 2012 at 7:25 pm

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I personally think the Brits should take a stab at it. They could slash the death rate. Why mince around? Any way you slice it, this has the potential to foil criminals.

Sidekick December 28, 2012 at 7:37 pm

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Can’t disagree. The Brits are a cut above the rest. If they take their hacks and really go to work chop chop, then they can parry and lunge at the problem.

GhostntheMachine December 28, 2012 at 8:07 pm

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Brits, such pricks.

Trickie December 29, 2012 at 3:23 am

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And knifes should not be sharper than the people handling them

drb December 29, 2012 at 3:52 am

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in that case, ban paper.

KimmyQueen December 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

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OMG oh no you didn’t…

PsychoDad December 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm

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Well-played, sirs. Always knew there were some sharp wits around here.

Joe December 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

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It certainly never gets dull.

Neo-7 December 28, 2012 at 4:43 pm

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I see the day when they may ban the disposal of used toilet paper . With the way the Libtards think , it may come to them , that they are actually throwing away parts of their brains with each flush .

Oh the HUMANITY !!!!!

KimmyQueen December 28, 2012 at 5:37 pm

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*GROANS*

Ruben December 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

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Johnny Hart, of B.C. comic strip fame, said, “The louder the groan, the better the pun.”

GhostntheMachine December 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

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insomnia time, just sent me searching…great point btw.

GhostntheMachine December 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

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Aww jeese, you would not believe the first page pulled, or maybe you would, but Ariel with SpongeBob? Groaning?

**NSFW**

First casual search, “B.C. the louder the groan”
https://ixquick.com/do/search?

GhostntheMachine December 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

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prolly a good thing ixquick doesn’t transfer sites either, but it’s bad\funny, sorry.

GhostntheMachine December 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

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Try it, B.C. the louder the groan Ixquick.com, of course all my filters are off, but still, funny as hell.

Extirpates December 28, 2012 at 6:29 pm

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They do have a point eh, what? Shorter blades will increase the number of stab wounds and require greater medical intervention to stop the bleeding from 50 small wounds rather than one big one. Good Show, Pip, Pip and all that sort of rot!
Deaths by knives may go down, deaths by large rock may increase. Then what do you do,
lead pipe will come next, then tire irons, gold clubs, axes, saws, etc,etc,etc. Government will be stuck in a perpetual preventative do loop that prevents nothing but makes them look like imbeciles.
The problems are in the hearts of and heads of humans.
What happens when they run out of things to outlaw?

flashingscotsman December 29, 2012 at 9:45 am

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When all they really need to do is ban Islam.

deepthinker December 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

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Trust me, there are so many ways and types of instruments to use to hurt people it would make you dizzy trying to keep up with them.

Hell let us go back to using our hands and fingers to eat with and destroy all of the forks, knives and spoons. While we are at, pencils, pens, nails, hammers, screw drivers, beer and whiskey bottles, cars, gasoline, matches, lighter fluid, propane gas, laundry detergent, cheese cloth and on and on. This ignorant shit is never going to stop. If someone wishes to kill another person, they are going to find away to do it.

GhostntheMachine December 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

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don’t forget those nasty sporks, just saw where somebody at a Taco Bell went postal with one of those things when they put black olives on his burrito supreme after he said hold them.

poppajoe49 December 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

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You forgot rocks and sticks.

GhostntheMachine December 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

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And you’re awake, why? I have an excuse, you? ;)

poppajoe49 December 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

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I fell asleep around 10 pm, and just woke up at midnite, now I need to get tired again.
Besides, I would have missed out on my wife bitching at me if I was sleeping.

flashingscotsman December 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

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Now, THERE’S a weapon.

Joe December 28, 2012 at 11:31 pm

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Not to mention all the things that can be turned into shiv’s.

Navyvet2 December 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm

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I read where some idiot was sticking her head out of the window of a bus and waving her arms around and laughing….until the bus passed close to a utility pole which collided with her head…killing her. (Happened recently in Brazil) We need to ban telephone poles. ie the Society Halting Installation of Telephone poles. We can call it SHIT for short. I’m applying for a government grant immediately.

poppajoe49 December 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

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When my younger brother was a Senior in High School, something similar happened to someone in his class.
A group of girls were out driving, one of them stuck her head out the window to yell to their friends following them, and she “lost her head”, thanks to a telephone pole. I really felt sorry for the other girls in the back seat with her when she fell back into the car.
We need to ban telephone poles, cars, and teenagers.

KimmyQueen December 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

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OMG that is terrible!

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 10:00 am

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With me, it would have been my ass that got knocked off.

ooddballz December 29, 2012 at 2:27 am

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Y’all are just too sharp for me, trying to get in a knife pun at this point would be pointless.

danybhoy December 29, 2012 at 4:58 am
Progressive Hemrrhoid December 29, 2012 at 7:31 am

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The British are none too sharp, I fully expect them to give up all their knives and forks and go back to the days of Henry the 8th.

flashingscotsman December 29, 2012 at 9:51 am

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Oprah would be shocked.

flashingscotsman December 29, 2012 at 9:53 am

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Oprah would be shocked. Shocked, I say.

Big Al December 29, 2012 at 7:44 am

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Full auto electric knives should only be in the hands of the military and police. A civilian has no need for such a weapon.

whiskeyriver December 29, 2012 at 8:29 am

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Would this ban mean I will have to lock my full auto electric knife in the gun safe with my other weapons?

xgman December 29, 2012 at 9:53 am

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I

flashingscotsman December 29, 2012 at 9:54 am

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Shut up.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm

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LOL

This guy is so universally hated that he got downed for saying nothing. That is incredibly funny!

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 10:02 am

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Downed heavily, as a matter of fact. Yeah, there’s still hope for this country.

xgman December 29, 2012 at 9:55 am

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I wonder what would happen if every person in the world fart at the same time.

drb December 29, 2012 at 9:58 am

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Well, bless your heart, you’ve resorted to repeating yourself.

xgman December 29, 2012 at 12:49 pm

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Thank you drb.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 4:52 pm

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You are an idiot. I am laughing at you so hard, I should thank DRB for that.

DefHarryMelon December 29, 2012 at 1:00 pm

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Ah, that old southern charm fools fools every time! I love it.

xgman December 29, 2012 at 1:53 pm

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You are the one that was fooled fool. I do this for fun to and to get a rise out of fools

Sidekick December 29, 2012 at 1:57 pm

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Then you are a lifeless moron.

xgman December 29, 2012 at 2:13 pm

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Thank you.

poppajoe49 December 29, 2012 at 3:57 pm

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STFU you stupid fucking asshole.

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 10:03 am

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TD,………………….MO.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

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You must not have a life worth living. I would feel bad for you if I wasn’t too busy laughing.

Not so silent December 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

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xpeeman, You get some kind of sexual gratification posting here? I would imagine your on Megan’s law pervert list somewhere…..If your life is that boring that you decide to post here, your either on house arrest or in an institution where your computer time is limited. We will just TD and MO your posts since your not saying anything that people really give a rats ass about.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm

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Lame, your other post was funnier. Yes the one where you typed nothing.

matthew s harrison December 29, 2012 at 10:32 am

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Laughing too hard to put in my two cents

xgman December 29, 2012 at 1:01 pm

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A average person farts 14 times a day.

poppajoe49 December 29, 2012 at 3:59 pm

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So, that’s what it is that makes you above average.

xgman December 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

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Yes.

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

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TD,…………..MO.

jcrowley1985 December 30, 2012 at 10:23 am

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I thought that was reserved for my posts.

poppajoe49 December 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

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STFU you stupid fucking asshole. 2

Not so silent December 30, 2012 at 10:55 am

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Apparently you have a twin bother who is just as stupid as you are, but he isn’t in love with Ron Paul and doesn’t have a fetish for wrinkled old guys. I would say your brother is more into molesting little children.

poppajoe49 December 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

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Draven?

xgman December 30, 2012 at 5:28 pm

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You seem to be very interested in molesting little children.If you have any little children I feel very sorry for them to have a father like you. I really hope you do not have have any children. You should get help before you hurt some other peoples little children.

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 5:58 pm

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Thirds.

TD,………….MO.

Not so silent December 30, 2012 at 6:10 pm

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Yup a libturd, spin it around…If anyone should be worried it would be the bovine you mated with or the one that produced you. Why not do us all a favor, get yourself one of those donkey calenders and spend some time with an ass who could be your soul mate.Your just another sick little perv getting his kicks posting here because in the real world no one likes you and your probably are also under house arrest and wearing an ankle bracelet….

xgman December 31, 2012 at 8:43 am

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You are a very sick poor excuse for a man if you are a man who hides behind a keyboard. GET HELP NOW.

Not so silent December 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

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TD and MO to the troll…..Is this where we get into the 12 year old thingy..”I know you are but what am I?”. Insults from a man who thinks his fart jokes are funny……Come back when you grow up there little fart….

xgman December 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm

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Please get help before you molest any more children.

GhostntheMachine December 31, 2012 at 1:47 pm

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please ask Mum again before you’re allowed to play, you sure you want to play that game? Really?

Not so silent December 31, 2012 at 1:51 pm

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TD MO to the troll…

xgman January 1, 2013 at 2:00 am

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HAPPY NEW YEAR NSS.

flashingscotsman January 1, 2013 at 10:39 am

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TD,……………………MO.

Alien December 30, 2012 at 1:30 pm

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Even this is a response.. Just ignore

xgman December 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

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What did the High Preist say when he looked in toilet?………Holy Crap

poppajoe49 December 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

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I guess you were right, he really is 12.

drb December 30, 2012 at 4:44 am

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I think he is a little older than 12, but under 21 as he thinks bodily functions are the funniest things on Earth. Child none-the-less.

Sidekick December 30, 2012 at 4:52 am

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Doesn’t matter how old he is. He is on the same intellectual and achievement trajectory as john.

drb December 30, 2012 at 5:16 am

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They both need to go back to playing Minecraft, bless their hearts, and stop interupting the adults while we are having a conversation.

Alien December 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

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Hey now.. Minecraft is pretty fun. I play it with my kids sometimes on Xbox (4 players simultaneously makes for good times). One of my sons and I make some interesting redstone circuits to create traps. My daughter designs cute cartoon villages and sculptures. Way better then TV or most video games, in terms of learning/creativity

poppajoe49 December 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

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I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Alien December 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

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Yeah I’d heard about it, but it took the kids to get me to try it.. The dude created a simple game on a lark, and sold many millions of licenses, first for any JVM (PC or Mac or wherever Java runs), then years later on Xbox Live. My envy is considerable

drb December 31, 2012 at 8:42 pm

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Yeah my son plays too

poppajoe49 December 30, 2012 at 6:19 am

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I meant developmentally, not chronologically. Sorry for the confusion. ;-)

danybhoy January 2, 2013 at 6:19 am

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Look, potty humor has it’s place, at least with many guys anyway. But this “xgman” is a put on. Gotta admit, the Holy Crap joke made me laugh, but for the most part, his schtick is based on being in a state of arrested development.

xgman December 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm

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HAPPY NEW YEAR

flashingscotsman January 1, 2013 at 10:45 am

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TD,…………………MO.

xgman January 2, 2013 at 10:17 am

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I once blew out a candle from 20ft with a fart.

GhostntheMachine January 2, 2013 at 10:21 am

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Some set of lungs.

Not so silent January 2, 2013 at 4:52 pm

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TD MO and Turds to the fart freak.

KimmyQueen January 2, 2013 at 4:56 pm

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Yeah I have been meaning to ask… what is that about?

drb January 2, 2013 at 4:59 pm

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nothing, he’s just all fart and no sh!t to show for it.

KimmyQueen January 2, 2013 at 5:11 pm

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I love the avatar! It is so cute!

drb January 2, 2013 at 6:37 pm

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thanks, I kinda like it too.

poppajoe49 January 2, 2013 at 5:44 pm

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LOL @ Mona Lucy!

Kimmy, he’s 12, fart jokes amuse children.

KimmyQueen January 2, 2013 at 8:06 pm

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OIC

xgman January 2, 2013 at 8:19 pm

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What do you get when you eat beans and oinions?……………………Tear Gas.