A small glass bottle had been in a Vicksburg, Mississippi museum since 1896. It was opened recently and the handwritten message inside was finally decoded by the CIA.
The Telegraph UK has the details:
The glass vial stopped with a cork contained a coded missive to Lt Gen John C Pemberton, who was besieged in the Mississippi city by Union forces led by Ulysses S Grant.
After nearly six weeks people in Vicksburg had resorted to eating cats, dogs and leather, and making soup from wallpaper paste.
The encrypted, six line message was dated July 4, 1863, the date of Pemberton’s surrender, and would have offered no hope to him. It said: “You can expect no help from this side of the river.”
The source of the message is thought to have been Maj Gen John G. Walker, of the Texas Division.
Pemberton had also held out hope that General Joseph E Johnston, and his 32,000 Confederate troops camped south of Vicksburg, would eventually come to his aid, but Walker’s message made clear that was not going to happen.
While decoding old Civil War messages is fine and dandy, the highly-trained cryptologists at IHateTheMedia.com have spent thousands of man-hours working on a batch of more recent messages. We are proud to announce that we have broken the complex code in which they were written.
Social scientists believe the original messages were written by Barry Soetoro, a Kenyan-born double agent, to his evil Hungarian overlord, George Soros.
Original messaage/decoded message
“Hope and change.” “I have no real experience, so this meaningless froth will have to do.”
“Smart power.” “Weak power.”
“I will close Guantanamo.” “I will not close Guantanamo.”
“I will pull the troops out of Iraq within 16 months.” “Except the ones I don’t.”
“I will repeal the Bush tax cuts for people earning $250,000 a year or more.” “I will be in favor of income redistribution until I’m against it.”
“The more people get to know about my national healthcare plan, the more they will love it.” “It will be more popular than gonorrhea, but less popular than genital warts.”
“No more earmarks.” “More earmarks.”
“No more lobbyists in the White House.” “Ignore the word ‘more.’”
“I will secure the Borders.” “And then I will secure the Barnes & Noble.”
“All bills will be posted online for five days so that people can see what is in them.” “On second thought, it’s just a whole bunch of boring legalese, so why bother?”
“I will create 5,000,000 green jobs.” “No one actually knows what a green job is, so maybe I’ll change that to 10,000,000.”
“I will negotiate with our enemies with no preconditions.” “I’m bending over. Be gentle, Mahmoud.”
“I will begin a new relationship with the Muslim world.” “How low should I bow to the King of Saudi Arabia?”
Source: Telegraph UK
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Rated Awesome! What do you think?
7 
0
“We are the ones we have been waiting for”. Which means we nihilist bastards are getting our chance to ruin this country that others fought for and sacrificed for because you, out of stupidity and white angst, voted me in.
Rated Awesome! What do you think?
8 
0
Not only is this man a marxist-socialist idiot, he’s an evil marxist-socialist idiot!
Like or Dislike:
3 
0
Re: “No more lobbyists in the WH” I think you mean ignore the word “No”
Like or Dislike:
3 
0
Once he opens his mouth I just pretty much consider his words to be lies or deceiving. It is so sad that I have no respect for the man at all.
{ 1 trackback }