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Dog shoots man. They can’t blame this one on lack of background checks. Dogs get background checks every time they meet another dog.

Contributed on February 27, 2013 by J.P. Travis, who has submitted 621 posts. Author's website.

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Joe February 27, 2013 at 12:31 pm

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“Sebring Police Cmdr. Steve Carr said police did not arrest the dog or detain the animal, pending the investigation.”

LoL!

Police: “Tell us why you shot him sir.”
Dog: “Bark… Ruff… Bark…”
Police: “Please cooperate in this investigation”
Dog: *takes a dump*
Police: “That’s it, you’re going away for a long time pal”
Dog: *scurries away to lead a life of freedom and adventure*

It’s good to be a dog sometimes.

Bonfire of the Absurdities February 27, 2013 at 12:34 pm

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He said that he was driving on State Road 17 North “when his dog kicked his unloaded .380 pistol causing it to fire and the bullet struck his leg. Lanier said he heard boom, saw smoke and felt a burning in his leg.”

This would seem to present strong empirical evidence that the pistol was, in fact, NOT UNLOADED (pardon my double negative.)

If you read the article, it’s poorly written. I don’t know if it’s the newspaper writer who’s to blame or the police report, but kids in my generation wouldn’t gotten out of elementary school with writing like this. That may sound harsh but educators used to say “If you can’t write, you can’t think.”

PsychoDad February 27, 2013 at 3:05 pm

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Yeah, if you differentiate between the story itself and what seems to be the police report, I don’t think the story is poorly written. I mean it’s not incisive journalism, it’s a humorous puff piece to begin with, witness the line “police did not arrest the dog, etc.”

Probably the only edit I would make is para.5, changing “not loaded” to “unloaded,” kind of an awkward construction as it is.

ooddballz February 27, 2013 at 12:56 pm

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I remember when the dog would just bite you.

Progressive Hemrrhoid February 27, 2013 at 1:51 pm

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And what is the first rule of gun ownership is? Oh yeah, that right, “Treat Every Gun As If It’s Loaded”
Dumbass is lucky he’s not in the running for a Darwin Award.

Karmaa February 27, 2013 at 2:10 pm

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It’s Florida. That explains it all.

JPTravis February 27, 2013 at 2:16 pm

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You’re being kind of ruff on Florida…

Sidekick February 27, 2013 at 2:32 pm

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I see you’re hounding us with another pun.

JPTravis February 27, 2013 at 3:27 pm

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I just think the police should be given credit for making the collar.

ooddballz February 27, 2013 at 3:50 pm

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Quit dogging Florida, they just get boned by the packs of Yankees coming down and lowering the IQ.

poppajoe49 February 27, 2013 at 7:25 pm

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Sorry ooddballz, but all the proof you need that he is a native Floridian is in these 3 little words:

Gregory Dale Lanier.

Yankees don’t use 3 names.

JPTravis February 27, 2013 at 8:18 pm

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Tell that to George Herbert Walker Bush.

poppajoe49 February 27, 2013 at 8:44 pm

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Isn’t he a Texan?
Besides, that’s 4 names.

JPTravis February 27, 2013 at 9:26 pm

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Penobscot, Maine, is where the family used to have a home, and that’s Yankee country, but you’re right, he made his money in Texas oil. Never mind.

poppajoe49 February 27, 2013 at 11:18 pm

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LOL

PsychoDad February 27, 2013 at 2:59 pm

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Wow, this is why Fark has a “Florida” tag all by itself. To be fair: the article is rather accurate. The bit about the dog kicking the “unloaded gun” is set off in quotes and seems to be from the police report.

Here’s the kicker though: “The report said Lanier was not only surprised that the gun was loaded, but also that it was actually a 9mm weapon.”

No, here’s the real kicker. This is a Florida newspaper — about an area called “HIGHLANDS”???? Florida, I don’t think that word means what you think it means.

poppajoe49 February 27, 2013 at 7:26 pm

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In Florida, Highlands means anything more than 12 feet above sea level.

Not so silent February 27, 2013 at 6:25 pm

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Any chance we can get this dog and his gun adopted by Creepy Crowley?