Everything you always wanted to know about North Korea – but you had more important things to do (like scratching your butt) so you didn’t ask. The official NoKo FAQ. Short version: NoKo is utopia, whatever you heard about them is wrong (unless it’s good stuff) and everything is fine there but if it weren’t, it’s the US’s fault. And BTW, it’s not a one-party dictatorship, it’s just that all the voters are crazy about the same guy. Just like here.

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Talnik January 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

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That’s got to win Headline of the Year, Bonfire!

Bonfire of the Absurdities January 5, 2012 at 6:53 pm

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Thanks, but the year is young yet. And with mucho insanity to come!

whiskeyriver January 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

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I just scratched my butt, now I know all I need to know about North Korea when I smell my finger.

PsychoDad January 5, 2012 at 5:16 pm

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3. Can I emigrate to North Korea and live in North Korea?
It’s possible only in very special situations and having honor/merits. You must send a request letter stating your reasons, together with your complete CV, copy of your passport and certificates to korea@korea-dpr.com
======
What? I can’t just flounce in and live there? What are you guys….
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAACIST?????

PsychoDad January 5, 2012 at 5:21 pm

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Ya know, when I get home from another hard day at the law mill, I usually go right to the comics.

This was better!

JUst bookmarked it.

sa_rose January 5, 2012 at 7:23 pm

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Damn, I thought we had found somewhere to take Olivia!

flashingscotsman January 6, 2012 at 8:48 am

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I think My Dear Sweet Olivia would be one of those “special” cases that they speak of. She would make a fine addition to the legion of useful idiots, and might even be elevated to status of Minister of Propaganda.

Navyvet January 5, 2012 at 5:17 pm

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Hey look at this OWS’ers. The paradise you are begging for, just a few thousand miles away. Jump on a plane asap, it is just what you have been wanting. Need airfare let me know, I’ll start a fund.

LA Sunset January 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

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I’m good for a dollar or two.

Let me know.

Progressive Hemrrhoid January 5, 2012 at 5:21 pm

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Here in the People’s Republic of North Korea, under the stewardship of our latest “Dear Leader”, life is truly paradise. We only spend 22 percent of our GDP on the 4th largest standing military in the world, there’s plenty left over for the subsistence farmers to live on. Unemployment is never an issue here in the People’s Republic, with a full 1/4 of our population in military uniforms. Except for the near constant weather related famines, there’s always plenty to eat here in North Korea, at least for the military that is.

Babydoll102187 January 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

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Number 17 has got to be the best! Funniest bunch of lies I’ve ever read about N. Korea. Sadly, N. Korea is being portrayed as a successful socialist utopia, soon N. Korea shirts will be all the rage, just like Che Guevara.

StrinaM January 5, 2012 at 6:36 pm

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Here’s the DPRK Utopia! http://bit.ly/A47ZqY

PsychoDad January 5, 2012 at 6:58 pm

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I forget where, it might have been in Yahoo comments, some shmoe was actually explaining that away as “Hey, everybody has blackouts sometime!”

That other guy January 6, 2012 at 3:27 am

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13 is my favorite

danybhoy January 6, 2012 at 4:14 am

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The real leason you need to know from North Korea is that we should finish off wars once we are involved. Every time we failed to finish off a war, we end up with a pain in the ass dictatorship that just causes problems all the time. DPRK, Iraq, Libya(1st tim around), Cuba, whatever. We just go for negotiated settlements to end the fighting & the only winner is the thug dictator that is allowed to stay in power.

PsychoDad January 6, 2012 at 7:12 am

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Harry didn’t give’em hell there, did he?

sa_rose January 6, 2012 at 7:44 am

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Actually he tried. But he (and by extension we) got in way the hell over our heads. We werem’t fighting Korea, we were fighting the Mongol hordes if you will. Chinese military just kept coming, and coming, and coming. . . . Ask anyone who was there. A bad deal all the way around. It was a big part of the reason Americans came to fear Communism so much,

danybhoy January 6, 2012 at 8:13 am

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Not really, plus, that was the 1st UN conflict.

sa_rose January 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

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And obviously set a very bad precedent.

deepthinker January 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm

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Even they know BULL SHIT when they hear it.

greatj January 14, 2012 at 12:05 pm

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Whoever wrote this i think are the same people who write for M.S.N.B.C.and Debbie Wasserman Schultz.