Government publishes detailed instructions on how to safely roast marshmallows. Next week Michelle Obama will have her husband create a law with his pen and phone called the Federal Approved Campground Food Law creating a list of approved foods to eat at campgrounds and severe penalties for eating roasted marshmallows or smores. This law will create a new bureaucracy within the Forest Service headed by the Marshmallow Czar. All Smokey the Bear ads will now be directed at keeping children safe from roasted marshmallows with ads titled:
Smokey Eats Arugula
Smokey Says Carrots Can Be Fun
Smokey Loved Roasted Squash
If You See A Marshmallow Roaster Say Something
We at IHTM urge you to read this blog post by the USDA and save your children from the evils of marshmallows and remember “Think fruit.”