Your tax dollars at work: Government spends $3.6 million to study dope-smoking, menstruating monkeys

by editor on June 12, 2011

Pardon us. We’re a bit embarrassed. We saw that headline and immediately assumed it had something to do with Florida Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. But, no, we were wrong.

debbie-wasserman-schultz

Much to our surprise, the story about the dope smoking, menstruating monkeys had nothing to do with Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

CNS News has the latest installment of “Let’s Piss Away Your Money On The Stupidest Crap Imaginable”:

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), a division of the federal government’s National Institutes of Health (NIH), has spent $3,634,807 over the past decade funding research that involves getting monkeys to smoke and drink drugs such as PCP, methamphetamine (METH), heroin, and cocaine and then studying their behavior, including during different phases of the female monkeys’ menstrual cycles.

The study also uses “interventions” as “treatment models” for monkeys who have been taught to use drugs.

Precursor research on drug-using monkeys, also funded by NIDA, discovered that after smoking cocaine monkeys exhibited “dilated pupils and slightly agitated, hyperactive behavior”—which helped researchers conclude that the “physiological effects” of cocaine on monkeys “were similar to those reported in studies of human subjects.”

Monkeys and members of Congress are reportedly lining up to volunteer for the next phase of the experiment.

Source: CNS News

{ 83 comments… read them below or add one }

Redbone1 June 12, 2011 at 2:38 am

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Hell I could have told them 35 years ago how the monkeys would have re-acted, but they didn’nt ask.

whiskeyriver June 12, 2011 at 8:37 am

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True, but would have they paid us instead of the
gooberment “researchers” back then?

LA Sunset June 12, 2011 at 3:10 am

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//Much to our surprise, the story about the dope smoking, menstruating monkeys had nothing to do with Debbie Wasserman-Schultz//

Form that pic of her, you sure could have fooled me. But now that I thing about it, she’s pretty much menstruating all month these days.

Sailingbum June 12, 2011 at 3:24 am

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In this particular picture, she just found out that she is closely related to the lovable ed schultz at pmsnbc and not Sergeant Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes..

Bruce June 12, 2011 at 3:20 am

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NIDA probably screwed up the test anyway. They probably tested only male monkeys. Now, they’ll need to request an additional $4.6 million to do the tests over.

RockingHorseGuy June 12, 2011 at 9:41 am

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Only after a 2.7 million dollar study to find out why the male monkeys didn’t menstruate.

Bruce June 12, 2011 at 10:31 am

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I never thought of that.

I bow to your power of creative funding!!

Barb R. June 12, 2011 at 2:53 pm

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“Only after a 2.7 million dollar study to find out why the male monkeys didn’t menstruate.”

Oh for heaven’s sake, Rocky, the male monkeys didn’t menstruate because they were doing drugs! DUH.

/snork

perlcat June 12, 2011 at 2:53 pm

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You forgot to add “while being oppressed by the capitalist system”.

RockingHorseGuy June 13, 2011 at 12:18 pm

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“Oh for heaven’s sake, Rocky, the male monkeys didn’t menstruate because they were doing drugs! DUH.”

Easy for YOU to say. But I’d rather be paid 2.7 million dollars to find that out.

hisham June 12, 2011 at 4:07 am

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OMG, this ugly, drug addicted woman is an idiot and this dope-smoking, menstruating monkey study is just the kind of thing that proglodytes would waste our money on, but I sort of think that the libtards in lab coats just wanted addess to gubmint dope!

If you’re pissed off at this I have an article here that isn’t related to monkey menstruation, but it is related to monkey business, at the highest levels of our government and I thought you might want to get even more pissed, so here it is:

http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/china-wants-to-construct-a-50-square-mile-self-sustaining-city-south-of-boise-idaho

If this really pisses you off, write you congressmen and women about it!

hisham June 12, 2011 at 5:16 am

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Sorry mispelled access as addess…oooops!

RIM June 12, 2011 at 5:57 am

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This definitely “really pisses me off”!!!!

Will send my reps and senators the link today.

Anniee451 June 12, 2011 at 1:23 pm

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I am SO using “proglodytes” from now on! Nice one!

hisham June 12, 2011 at 10:25 pm

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You are so welcome, I just kind of pulled that out of my, out of my, um, er, out of that place where the sun don’t shine!

Buck O'Fama June 12, 2011 at 6:01 am

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The monkeys were subsequently offered jobs running the new hi-speed rail trains.

Navyvet June 12, 2011 at 7:07 am

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Are any of these monkeys running for public office in 2012?? They may be a better choice.

nikki June 12, 2011 at 7:28 am

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Shame on you, Ihatethemedia, for insulting dope-smoking, menstruating monkeys by comparing them to Kinky Wasserman Schultz. (by the way, credit goes to Mike Church for the hilarious nickname)

Paden June 12, 2011 at 8:28 am

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Abusing and torturing animals is disgusting. Makes me sick.
I have no problem killing my dinner but terrorizing them is unacceptable.
Those assholes should be water-boarded.

hisham June 12, 2011 at 8:31 am

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Paden, waterboarding is nearly uncomfortable enough!

DeanH June 12, 2011 at 9:27 am

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Waterboarding should only be allowed if you really trust your friends who are about to do it to you. Kinda j/k. It is way safer than bungee jumping and skydiving, even SCUBA is more dangerous. Waterboarding is not likely to result in any physical harm, but the psycho aspects, well that’s another story. So avoid being waterboarded by strangers and people that don’t like you because you’ll probably find it very disconcerting and it could fuel nightmares for the rest of your natchel life.

RKae June 12, 2011 at 9:41 am

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Good God! We’ve already studied the effects of drugs on monkeys!

The experiment was called “the music industry!”

And all it cost us was a few decades of crappy music.

editor June 12, 2011 at 9:51 am

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Damn! I wish I’d said that.

KimmyQueen June 12, 2011 at 1:15 pm

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LOLOLOLOL that was funny!

Ruben June 12, 2011 at 3:21 pm

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The Monkees were a huge influence on The Beatles.

RKae June 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

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Two points for spelling “Monkees” right! (Or wrong, as the case may be.)

Totally threadjacking here, but I never got why the Monkees got the crap kicked out of them for using studio musicians. Everyone did that in the ’60s. Who’s playing the cello on “Eleanor Rigby”? Ringo? Now we know that it was Clapton’s guitar that was gently weeping for the Beatles a couple of times, but that’s “cool trivia” instead of a scandal. I just got some old Donovan CDs that have extensive liner notes, and they don’t even know who’s playing stuff half the time. They’d just bring a guy in, pay him 20 quid to play a clarinet, then send him home. There’s actually an argument about whether or not Jimmy Page is playing on “Hurdy Gurdy Man.” No one can recall – even the musicians themselves!

I just think the Monkees got spanked (pun intended) for something everyone did. Damned unsporting!

perlcat June 12, 2011 at 6:34 pm

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Well, they were designed as a product for a TV show, rather than musicians who came up with a product that wound up on TV. People felt it was crass manipulation of gullible young people for ratings/money.

It probably was, but they weren’t really that bad of a band, and there was some real talent there. Compare them to the new manufactured musicians like Britney and whatnot, and they seem rather innocent and naive.

RKae June 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm

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I think most people would be stunned to find out just how many of their favorite bands were assembled by corporate interests.

Funny thing: Just yesterday, I was reading the liner notes on a Robert Fripp album, and the last line was “the music industry is based on exploitation and theft.”

Sounds almost as bad as the publishing industry. (That’s where my horror stories come from.)

Ruben June 12, 2011 at 8:22 pm

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The Monkees paved the way for The Brady Kids.

RKae June 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm

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OK, that’s a fair condemnation.

KimmyQueen June 13, 2011 at 3:14 am

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It didn’t even have to be live bands. They did the same in cartoons. A good example is Jem created specifically to sell dolls. Create a market for the product right before the product comes out.

perlcat June 13, 2011 at 7:05 pm

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You don’t mean “Jemm, Son of Saturn”, do you?

Didn’t think so.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 4:19 am

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Barb R. June 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm

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“I don’t recall them getting the crap kicked out of them, but I do recall a lot of their viewers complaining because they didn’t play their own instruments. (I was one of them.) ”

Wow Olivia. I’m surprised that you were so well-versed and savvy about the music business since you were only … six years old??

I was playing with my Barbie when I was six. You were investigating the morality and ethical implications of using unnamed studio musicians.

You were very mature for your age.

Olivia June 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm

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Barb R. June 14, 2011 at 6:16 pm

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You had previously mentioned that you were a child a half century ago, so I figured we were close in age. Turns out you’re much older. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

I just have a hard time believing that a 13-year-old would even know what a studio musician was.

And if you had been as in love with Davey Jones as much as I was, you wouldn’t have cared!

But I was always such a softie for a tambourine playin’ man. This probably explains my dismal record in matters of the heart. :(

Olivia June 15, 2011 at 6:05 am

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You had previously mentioned that you were a child a half century ago, so I figured we were close in age. Turns out you’re much older. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

I just have a hard time believing that a 13-year-old would even know what a studio musician was.
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At the time, EVERY 13 year old fan of the Monkees knew about studio musicians, because this was a huge issue in all the teen fan magazines.
*****************
And if you had been as in love with Davey Jones as much as I was, you wouldn’t have cared!

But I was always such a softie for a tambourine playin’ man. This probably explains my dismal record in matters of the heart.

********************
Well, I never much cared whether he was playing his own instruments. There’s only so much scope for virtuosity in tambourines and maracas, and besides, I (like you, probably) was too busy admiring him to care about what he was playing or not playing. But I would certainly have been upset if they’d had him lip syncing to someone else’s voice. ;)

Elrond Hubbard June 12, 2011 at 10:19 am

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I understand that Debbie Wasserman-Schultz traded in her menstrual cycle for a Honda.

hisham June 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm

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That’s f***ing funny LOLOLOLLMFAO :-)

PsychoDad June 12, 2011 at 10:45 am

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Say, anyone see Olivia lately?

RKae June 12, 2011 at 11:18 am

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She’s here in my laboratory, menstruating and smoking crack.

Deb June 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm

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She who shall not be named is probably at work. Or maybe somewhere harrassing others. I could use a break!

perlcat June 13, 2011 at 7:09 pm

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Is this a special type of work, where you spend your time applying for government grants to your local branch of recently renamed acorn for posting onto internet blogs?

KimmyQueen June 12, 2011 at 1:07 pm

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Does PETA know about this? This is the kind of stuff they need to meddle on. I find this appalling besides the obvious misuse of funds, I find it appalling on a humane level. It is utterly disgusting.

Ruben June 12, 2011 at 3:22 pm

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Did PETA know about this? Who do you think supplied the drugs?

RKae June 12, 2011 at 4:15 pm

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Well, PETA’s on the left, and they don’t consider drug use (forced or otherwise) to be torture. In fact, they see intoxication as a preferred state of being.

When the left has had their way with America, everyone will be so doped up that we’ll have to conduct experiments to figure out this rare and curious thing called “sobriety.”

KimmyQueen June 13, 2011 at 3:15 am

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When everyone is toasted they will be easier to control.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 7:17 pm

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perlcat June 12, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Controversial. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 2

There is one thing that PETA truly doesn’t care about. Animals. They love their lefty causes, but Rover and Tabby generally get thrown under the bus (or snuffed) whenever they are inconvenient.

Barb R. June 13, 2011 at 4:04 am

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“There is one thing that PETA truly doesn’t care about. Animals. ”

PETA’s Virginia “shelter” has a 90-98% kill rate. They were throwing the carcasses of the dead pets into neighboring dumpsters, but were caught doing it so now they probably just use a regular Hefty bag and place Fluffy and Fido on the curb.

They have a radical vegan agenda and don’t even try to hide it (much) anymore.

Deb June 12, 2011 at 7:21 pm

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Seriously Kimmy, you beat me to it! Addiction is a bitch–who is speaking for these innocent monkeys who are being forced to ingest addictive drugs? What happens to them when the experiment is over? Do they go though withdrawal or are they “sacrificed” (lab speak for killed when no longer needed) after? I am not joking here, though I do appreciate the humor y’all have exhibited. This is not an appropropriate use of funding nor of animals. It is not like they are developing life saving drugs or procedures!

hisham June 12, 2011 at 10:23 pm

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Of course it’s not Deb, but then who do you think is always in front of the receiving line for gubmint cheese when it’s being handed out at our expense?

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 2:22 pm

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KimmyQueen June 13, 2011 at 3:25 am

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Exactly. What is the point? There is no point. You can study addictive behaviors and the effects on drugs on organs and during menstruation on human beings (hopefully they are provided with the opportunity to stop) or even human cadavers who died after extended drug use. There is no point to do this to innocent animals who will either be killed or suffer diseases after the study is over. There is nothing redeeming about this at all. In fact this money could have been used instead to HELP those who are in trouble with addiction, in order to help them stop and reintegrate them into society.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 2:16 pm

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Olivia June 13, 2011 at 4:42 am

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hisham June 13, 2011 at 9:19 am

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As usual Olivia, you point out the obvious and why, exactly, are we funding this type of research in the first place, when there are so many other immediate and pressing needs for the money we waste on this pointless research to begin with?

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 10:21 am

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Barb R. June 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

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“Have Barb explain it to you. Just a few days ago, she said: “I want to give them the skills and support to become independent and enjoy all the riches that come from being a clear-thinking, self-determining human being.”

Olivia, I meant the ADDICTS NOT THE MONKEYS.

Geez.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 2:18 pm

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Barb R. June 14, 2011 at 3:36 am

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“Very funny, Barb”

Thank you.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 4:37 am

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magilla June 13, 2011 at 4:25 am

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The old lady told me that she was going to be participating in a “survey”. When I found out that she would be given all the weed that she could smoke, I was ecstatic, thinking that I would be able to cop a little for myself. Then I found out that it would only be during “that time of the month”. I decided that I was going to “the Club” for the duration. That mixture can be dangerous; Her, twisted on weed, cackling at the top of her lungs, while hurling rocks across the hut at me…NO THANKS

KimmyQueen June 13, 2011 at 7:08 am

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If Bush was President this study would be barbaric and the hallmark of evil that is stamped by a conservative led country. However Obama is President and this is a necessary part of medical advancement. It’s all good then… it’s all good.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 7:42 am

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David Bishop June 13, 2011 at 8:34 am

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Why do you believe that if something isn’t federally funded, it will never be discovered/achieved/done?

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 8:46 am

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David Bishop June 13, 2011 at 11:09 am

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Because a developed drug that would end someone’s addiction to another drug wouldn’t be profitable? ARE YOU NUTS?

There are currently 13 pharmaceutical firms investing 7+ million (of non-taxpayer money) a year on addiction-relieving pharmaceutical research and development.

So, why does the government need to do it?

KimmyQueen June 13, 2011 at 11:24 am

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I would be more trusting of a private company that would rather not get sued than the government coming up with these addiction relieving drugs. It is hard to sue the government when something goes wrong. The government doesn’t need to do this. This is outside of their scope of authority per the constitution.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 11:43 am

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Olivia June 13, 2011 at 11:41 am

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Barb R. June 13, 2011 at 2:44 pm

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“… but most addicts have financial problems, and many lack insurance. It’s part of the disease, because addicts tend to have trouble hanging on to jobs, or paying bills.”

And that’s why the taxpayer has to pay for their medical needs, Olivia. Who would pay for their meds? The same people who are already paying for their meds. The taxpayers.

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 7:28 pm

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“… but most addicts have financial problems, and many lack insurance. It’s part of the disease, because addicts tend to have trouble hanging on to jobs, or paying bills.”

And that’s why the taxpayer has to pay for their medical needs, Olivia. Who would pay for their meds? The same people who are already paying for their meds. The taxpayers.

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Uninsured people often don’t get medications or treatment that they need, Barb. Particularly drug addicts, because (1) when they’re intoxicated, they’re often less aware of pain or medical disorders; (2) they have trouble following a medication regimen, because half the time they don’t know what day it is or what they’re supposed to be taking; (3) they have poor coping and problem solving skills (it goes with the disease).

So it’s not quite accurate to say that the taxpayers are footing the bill for their medical needs. More typically, they’re running to the emergency room when they feel ill or they run out of their drug of choice. (Or when they take an overdose and someone calls 911.) And the hospital makes up for their unpaid bills by overcharging their self-payers, and those with insurance.

Barb R. June 14, 2011 at 4:18 am

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Olivia, every once in a while, when you stop with the “all you right wingers are alike” crap, you really do make good, valid points.

All your above statements were dead-on.

perlcat June 15, 2011 at 5:46 am

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Well, Barb, broken clocks, twice a day and all that.

Seriously, when a person has wasted my time so badly arguing in bad faith, I just don’t waste my time with anything they have to say anymore.

Occasionally, I see a response that hints at a decent posting by her, but the post usually turns out to be a bit too SSDD for me. Reading her posts is like having to be the proofreader for the million monkeys with their million typewriters. Any sense you can make of her posting is most likely the reflection of your perspective on her unintelligible babblings, and has nothing to do with her taking a turn for the sane.

Homersdad June 13, 2011 at 1:05 pm

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The real study should be to find the answer to the question of why animals are smarter than humans when it comes to really important matters. Don’t know of any other animal on earth that would intentionally put something in his/her body that: 1) was cooked up out of ingredients that would peel paint off the wall in nasty ass conditions 2) would destroy your life 3) could possibly (highly likely) cause you to die.

My basset hound (Homer) is by far smarter than such idiots. Dogs rule!

Olivia June 13, 2011 at 2:20 pm

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Homersdad June 15, 2011 at 10:40 am

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Not to worry. Homer came in thru the doggy door the other day and said “Hey dad, did you know your radiator was leaking”. Told you he was smart.

perlcat June 15, 2011 at 12:09 pm

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like my dog that fetched me a connecting rod from a D8 Cat — made me mad — I *told* him I wanted the rod from the D7. I have no patience for showoffs, even if his black labrador ass *was* 6″ up in the air, walking on front two legs.

Stupid dog, didn’t even read the tag I had on it.

It was funny, though.

Barb R. June 13, 2011 at 2:53 pm

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“My basset hound (Homer) is by far smarter than such idiots. Dogs rule!”

Yes, I see your point. But Homer also licks his ass, so I suppose we shouldn’t be overly enthused, hmmm?

Or at the very least, don’t kiss him on the mouth.

LOL!

Homersdad June 15, 2011 at 4:01 am

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Yes Homer does do that but what can I say? One day I caught him watching a commercial on TV about recycling and next thing you know he starts licking his ass. I guess without hands its the best he could come up with to do his part. His heart is in the right place….even though his tongue may not be.

CO2Insanity June 13, 2011 at 3:13 pm

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I think they should experiment on Oblivia. Trouble is no one would have the time to record all her ranting and raving.

Olivia June 15, 2011 at 5:58 am

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Well, Barb, broken clocks, twice a day and all that.

Seriously, when a person has wasted my time so badly arguing in bad faith, I just don’t waste my time with anything they have to say anymore.

Occasionally, I see a response that hints at a decent posting by her, but the post usually turns out to be a bit too SSDD for me. Reading her posts is like having to be the proofreader for the million monkeys with their million typewriters. Any sense you can make of her posting is most likely the reflection of your perspective on her unintelligible babblings, and has nothing to do with her taking a turn for the sane.

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Translation: “Unless she agrees with or applauds my views, who needs her? And I’m still carrying a grudge because she didn’t obey my instructions on posting style.”

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