Help Wanted: Professional Fart-Smeller. The good news is that it pays up to $50K a year. The bad news is the jobs are in China. Ok, the bad news is really that you earn the money by smelling farts. But there is a training program, so all you grads out there with degrees in gender studies, here’s a chance to pay off those student loans.

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Porky Al Jimmydad December 8, 2012 at 8:03 pm

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It’s HERE! A job that Charles Johnson and John Kerry are both qualified for! This is an occupation that Chuckles would shine in, while Mr. Ketchup would add a touch of class with his hero medals.

sa_rose December 9, 2012 at 10:58 pm

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He threw away his shiny hero medals. Probably the smartest thing he’s ever done, for likely he deserved none of them.

Navyvet2 December 8, 2012 at 8:40 pm

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Ah ha. Newsweak is going tits up right? All their bullshit artists, er ah writers, have had their noses up King Bawreck’s ass for so long, who could be more qualified? And they just happen to be suddenly out of a job.

MKR148 December 8, 2012 at 9:10 pm

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“extremely stinky farts indicate bacterial infection in the patient’s bowels or intestines” Oooo No! I think I might have bacterial infection!

Plainsman December 9, 2012 at 5:48 am

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Yeah, no kidding…. but it begs the question, do non-extremely stinky farts exist? Begs another question… anybody ever notice how you don’t really mind smelling your own RG but let somebody else release in your presence and OMG?

sa_rose December 9, 2012 at 11:00 pm

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Trust me they aren’t kidding. If you had a bacterial infection you would absolutely know the difference!

Progressive Hemrrhoid December 8, 2012 at 9:13 pm

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Would never work here I’m afraid, somebody would try to start a Union.

flashingscotsman December 9, 2012 at 10:06 am

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What are they going to strike for? Better working conditions?

CO2Insanity December 8, 2012 at 9:33 pm

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Finally! The perfect job for Crowley.

poppajoe49 December 9, 2012 at 5:03 am

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He may be overqualified. All these years of sitting in the basement, I’m sure he has been smelling farts quite often, either that, or his nose is destroyed from smelling himself.

Not so silent December 9, 2012 at 11:41 pm

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Well Greyhound has an opening for Creepy Crowley if he is over qualified for the Chinese job…Sucking farts out of bus seats…7.50 an hour.

Ruben December 8, 2012 at 10:20 pm

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Professional Fart-Smeller, a.k.a. Reader of the Leftwing Mind.

CO2Insanity December 8, 2012 at 11:45 pm

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Confucious say: Man whe smell fart for a living think work is a real gas.

ooddballz December 9, 2012 at 1:15 am

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Personally, I think the job would stink.

Karmaa December 9, 2012 at 4:22 am

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Now I know who would drink the elephant poo coffee!

drb December 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

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Or cat poo coffee (yep they have that too)

Neo-7 December 9, 2012 at 5:23 am

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You righties have it all wrong on this one . The untapped potential of the energy in all those billions of “farts “( flatulence for real people ) is only limited by your unwillingness to invest billions and billions and billions in ground breaking research .
That article awhile back about mocking those of us that DEMANDED MASSIVE research on mining the unlimited energy from the ever shining moon , just shows how STUPID you all were from birth .—– Oblvious and her kind

poppajoe49 December 9, 2012 at 5:37 am

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Neo-7.
Please edit your post, we use the term “She who shall not be named”.
Actually using that name might cause the return of She who shall not be named.

DefHarryMelon December 9, 2012 at 5:48 am

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Welch’s grape juice, jam and jelly commercials used to show a device they called the Welch’s flavor saver. This device could be retrofitted to concentrated the emissions of every carbon based flatulator on the planet, or at least in the D.C. area, providing a ‘green’ energy source that would be more abundant and useful than anything our trillions of tax dollars have been invested in these past four years.

poppajoe49 December 9, 2012 at 6:33 am

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Unless they could find a way to harness all that hot air and use it to heat public buildings, or generate electricity.

flashingscotsman December 9, 2012 at 10:12 am

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I’ve been told that I’m a pretty Smart Feller. Is that close enough?

JPTravis December 9, 2012 at 10:22 am

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“Finally, the presence of garlic or chives in our farts is thought to be an indicator that we’re consuming too much of the foods in question…”

No shit.

poppajoe49 December 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

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No, just gas.

flashingscotsman December 10, 2012 at 10:17 am

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No such thing as too much garlic.

sa_rose December 10, 2012 at 11:29 am

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5 thumbs up to you Flash!

poppajoe49 December 10, 2012 at 6:26 pm

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Or bacon.

RobertW December 10, 2012 at 6:34 pm

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or friends

Trickie December 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

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You would need a dog to test pelosi, because her skin been pulled so tight when she farts only a dog would hear it.

CO2Insanity December 9, 2012 at 11:06 am

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ROFLMAO!!!

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