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Iranian soccer players could face lashing after victory groping. A “victory ass grabbing” bans two players for life along with a $40,000 fine. “…this action can be considered a violation of public chastity,” Judge Valiollah Hosseini told the news agency. “The punishment of this crime is prison up to two months and 74 lashes.” The acceptable form of celebration is beating your wives. Didn’t these guys get the memo?

Contributed on November 2, 2011 by A. Smithee, who has submitted 257 posts.

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Ruben November 2, 2011 at 10:06 am

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I heard the Iranian regime just executed a proctologist put in charge of organizing his high school reunion because he was good at looking up old friends.

A. Smithee November 2, 2011 at 10:10 am

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*rimshot*

danybhoy November 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm

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As opposed to a “rimjob”?

If you don’t know, don’t ask.

poppajoe49 November 3, 2011 at 6:16 am

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EWWWWWWW!!

sa_rose November 3, 2011 at 9:19 am

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My reaction as well!

MGAP November 3, 2011 at 7:24 am

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Tossed salad…..

RockingHorseGuy November 3, 2011 at 9:23 am

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Hey, keep quiet guys. We’re not supposed to know about that stuff.

RobertW November 3, 2011 at 2:26 pm

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looks as though a troll came through here too.

perlcat November 2, 2011 at 10:23 am

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Yeah, but he ratted out his colleague. The poor urologist was left holding the bag.

CO2Insanity November 2, 2011 at 10:27 am

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They’ll give them asylum in SF

RobertW November 2, 2011 at 11:10 am

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I just perused yahoo news headlines….

I HATE THE MEDIA!!!!!

FormerlyDeanH November 2, 2011 at 12:52 pm

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Which one set you off the most? The Coulter, Trump and Stewart story? Yahoo wahoos are among the worst. AP stands for S-pipe.

RobertW November 2, 2011 at 2:34 pm

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yeah, that’s the one!

p’o’d about the granny who got away with murder too

Morior Invictus November 2, 2011 at 12:48 pm

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They lop off heads in public, sodomize young boys in public, execute women in public and kill Christians for possessing a holy Bible. Then they chastize players for grabbing each others butt. A religion of convenience or just plain hypocrisy? My opinion is that it is not a religion as everything it stands for is illegal in the Christian world.

likwidlizard November 2, 2011 at 4:17 pm

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If they’d waited a couple more days they each would be given two virgin little boys and a healthy goat. Allah Akuburrito!!! That’s not raaaacist.

RobertW November 2, 2011 at 6:05 pm

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SILENCE!!!!!!

I keel youuuuuuuu.

perlcat November 2, 2011 at 11:20 pm

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Are you mad because you didn’t get a camel with pretty eyes?

RockingHorseGuy November 3, 2011 at 9:24 am

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I thought ALL camels had pretty eyes, what with the long lashes and all.

Notsosilent November 2, 2011 at 7:27 pm

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Yea if your gonna be a rump ranger in the middle east you have to do it in the privacy of your hut…Wienie wagging is not allowed in the front yard…

RobertW November 2, 2011 at 8:12 pm

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unless your killing a king who can’t run his own country.
but then i bet the slaughter that josef (?) iosep who done muomar in.

perlcat November 2, 2011 at 11:23 pm

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What with them doing camels, too, wouldn’t a disheveled arab be a frumpy humpy rumpy pumpy?

RobertW November 3, 2011 at 2:13 am

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perl cat. awwwwwwwwwww right

danybhoy November 2, 2011 at 11:07 pm

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This story is sad on a few levels. Not least of which is Iran is actaully a damn good national team. Sports & politics need to stay seperated. Iraq’s national team used to answer to Uday Hussein, & were punished in extreme & torturous ways. The first time out after his death, they won the 2007 Asian Conferderation Title, & in heroic style.