It was the Kitchen Knife in the Parlor with Professor Plum… or was it Professor Plum in the Parlor with the Kitchen Knife? “The BBC offers this advice for anyone in Britain who is attacked on the street: You are permitted to protect yourself with a briefcase, a handbag, or keys. You should shout ‘Call the Police’ rather than ‘Help.’ Bystanders are not to help. They have been taught to leave such matters to the professionals. If you manage to knock your attacker down, you must not hit him again or you risk being charged with assault.” How long is it until they ban briefcases, purses and keys?

{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

CO2Insanity December 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

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They said you cant ‘hit’ him after he’s down. So some nice steel-toed boots and a few swift kicks to the face and nads aren’t hitting, eh?

Joe Redfield December 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

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Before long it will be illegal in Britain to run away from an attacker, as that might lead the criminal to think he has bad breath or something, and thus suffer an irreplaceable loss of self-esteem.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

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You think you are joking, I think there is a possibility of something like that actually happening in real life. Scary.

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

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What if the attacker has an asthma attack while chasing you? He could sue you, and get more than was in your pocket.

sa_rose January 3, 2013 at 9:45 am

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Wh doesn’t like youKimmmy? You aregetting downthumbed if you say good morning. Is fweetness after you now?

KimmyQueen January 3, 2013 at 9:54 am

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LOL probably! The energy to find and stalk me around the site and TD everything I type amuses me.

matthew s harrison December 29, 2012 at 10:23 am

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PUSSIES! IN the UK, people are serving life sentences for killing intruders who did home invasions, with guns/knives, and they defended themselves against the intruders. It is a sick place-a place I won’t even visit anymore, for fear of being arrested for speaking a word, or defending my family/myself. They use the magna carta as toilet paper, just as our politicians use our constitution for wiping their asses.

perlcat December 31, 2012 at 11:45 am

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Britain has some of the must fubar laws. I recall one where people are advised to not clear their sidewalks after a snow — because the property owner is liable if someone slips and falls — but if the sidewalk is covered in snow, it is an “Act of God”, and no liability.

Missile Command December 29, 2012 at 11:17 am

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Pity about the peasants. But we can’t have the masses determining their own course of action. The geniuses in the government reserved that right for themselves. Yes, pity the working class that are killed as a result. But no wory at all really. Plenty more to take their place, eh what?

Progressive Hemrrhoid December 29, 2012 at 11:31 am

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The only people in the UK that really need to be hit are the politicians. Lets export them a shitload of Baseball Bats.

Elrond Hubbard December 29, 2012 at 11:56 am

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“Bystanders are not to help.”

That says it all.

It’s difficult to believe this is the nation that stood alone against Hitler and his nazis 1940-41, but that was 70 years ago when England was another country.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

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OMG I wrote that before I read your post. It is true! What the heck happened?

Martin December 29, 2012 at 7:24 pm

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Kimmy, Britain was a class-ridden society for centuries. It still is, but instead of aristocrats appointing each other to government jobs, Britain today is run by university graduates appointing each other to government jobs. The new elite’s opinion of itself is the same as the old, that they’re morally and intellectually superior to the peasants and hence benevolent when running their lives for them. New flies, same old shit.

perlcat December 31, 2012 at 11:50 am

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It has a lot to do with the concept of from where a person gets their rights. They, as British *Subjects*, get theirs from an all-powerful State, which can give them or rescind them at will. This particular situation seems absurd to us, but it is a natural extension of a system of jurisprudence that evolved to protect and enshrine a class system.

We, as American *Citizens*, get our inalienable rights from God. (That is, until the lefties achieve Goal #1 — removing God from government, at which point, that source of rights is null and void, and the State can do whatever it wants with us.)

KimmyQueen December 31, 2012 at 11:54 am

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That my friend is the entire point of the Constitution and the reason why the Founders decided to make the USA the way that it is supposed to be. Instead of making a copy of Britain the Founders in all truth created a completely new form of government. If it wasn’t for the progressives and haters the country would have continued to do well under such a government.

perlcat December 31, 2012 at 12:03 pm

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Yep, they can’t stand it that we’re a free nation.

Sidekick December 29, 2012 at 12:26 pm

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This is total madness. I know the Brits threw in the testicular towel a long time ago but I can’t imagine how the citizens of the UK can let this go on with their violent crime rate the highest of any first world country. Do these idiots not see the connection?

DefHarryMelon December 29, 2012 at 1:03 pm

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They’re being mocked by the mosqued. Every one of the mosquers that gets in office or any position enabling the emasculation of the Native Brits laughing heartily as they convince them to give up their country to the invaders. Same exact thing is going on here. Same. Exact. Thing.

Sidekick December 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

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I know it is.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 5:06 pm

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For real?

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

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We’re just a little behind the curve. But we’re catching up.

sa_rose January 3, 2013 at 9:47 am

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Obama and Company are helping us skip grades.

KimmyQueen December 29, 2012 at 5:02 pm

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Are you kidding me? Is this a joke? Guy is going to rape me and I manage to avoid it by hitting him hard and I cannot hit him again to make sure he wont run after me because I may go to prison for assault?

Why am I surprised? Christian Bale screamed at his money grabbing Mom and b*tch went to the cops claiming (verbal) assault… and that actually got traction. Disgusting. What the hell happened to that country?

Why are they protecting the evil people? Why are they making their citizens into cowards? What happened to the people that for a long time fought alone against Hitler? I don’t get it!

Leave it to the professionals? Are there enough professionals to be walking the streets 24/7 and on every corner? I mean come on!

flashingscotsman December 30, 2012 at 10:33 am

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Even the professionals in Britain aren’t equipped to take on an armed attacker.

KimmyQueen December 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

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Saw an episode of second season of “Alias” a few nights ago and the duo on a mission were in England. He got shot with a tranq, and he was thankful for the gun laws in England. I laughed. Being the good guy I obviously thought it was great he didnt get shot with a bullet, but it is utterly ridiculous that guards arent allowed to be truly armed, if I was an evil person I would be moving to England and get illegal guns over there and go on shopping sprees until I was stopped or I had enough. Ridiculous.

Sidekick December 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

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Imagine the liability a 00 rating has at MI-6?

KimmyQueen December 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm

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Oh yes… A James Bond that DOESN’T have a license to kill would be completely boring movie to watch.

poppajoe49 December 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

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007 license to tickle?

KimmyQueen December 31, 2012 at 10:34 am

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Yes, but tickling can also be constituted as assault :-/

perlcat December 31, 2012 at 12:05 pm

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From what I was taught, tickling’s battery. Assault is coming at you with the intention. Battery happens when contact happens.

KimmyQueen December 31, 2012 at 12:17 pm

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So my Mom used to assault me when I was a little girl when she wanted to make me laugh…? I have been assaulted!!!! Terrible… :-/ The world has gone insany.

perlcat December 31, 2012 at 12:20 pm

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Help, help! We’re being repressed!

Not so silent December 31, 2012 at 11:44 am

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007, license to insult? License to stare coldly?, License to filp off the bad guy?

KimmyQueen December 31, 2012 at 11:55 am

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Verbal assault (which is for real, see my example above), Ocular assault and gesticular assault. To jail with you…

BarbR December 31, 2012 at 7:37 pm

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Don’t give the Canadian “progressives” any ideas, KQ. We already have the right to not be offended. If you are a member of a certain group. If you know what I mean.

poppajoe49 December 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm

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Actually, it was Professor Plum in the parlor with Miss Scarlett, and I have the video. ;-)

BarbR December 31, 2012 at 7:33 pm

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In Canada, it is illegal to protect your home. See what happened to this poor bastard who was trying to protect his home while it was being firebombed by neighbors.

http://news.nationalpost.com/2011/01/20/man-faces-jail-after-protecting-home-from-masked-attackers/

Have I mentioned how much I hate this place?

flashingscotsman December 31, 2012 at 11:43 pm

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Sounds like California.

BarbR January 1, 2013 at 8:09 am

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Yeah, pretty much. Only colder. And more smugly superior.

sa_rose January 3, 2013 at 9:53 am

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Again, if the US is such a terrible place,why is everyone breaking their asses to immigrate here? We must be doing something right. This is a perfect example. In Texas we follow the castle doctrine. If someone is breaking into your home, or otherwise endangering you, you can shoot them. Just make sure the body falls IN the house.

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