Joke of the Day: Nancy Pelosi is a saint

by editor on July 21, 2011

One hot Saturday afternoon in July an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Cardinal of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Washington, D.C.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass and asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the Congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

lightning-church

"...and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the Congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint."

“No,” the Cardinal replied. “I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s views.”

Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”

The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”

As Pelosi’s aide promised, Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.

At the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Speaker Pelosi was present.

“While Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some,” the Cardinal said to the congregation, “the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flipflop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nitwit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”

“But when compared to President Obama,” the Cardinal concluded, “Pelosi is a saint.”

H/T: Ray

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

MGAP July 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

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I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there.

MGAP July 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

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and true.

LA Sunset July 21, 2011 at 3:16 pm

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LMAO

Ken (cdn) July 21, 2011 at 3:26 pm

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‘… but when ____________ (fill in the blank democrat) is compared to President Obama,” any sane person would conclude ____________ (fill in the blank democrat) is a saint.”

KimmyQueen July 21, 2011 at 7:11 pm

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Right. It is something that can work with virtually everyone… except perhaps for Edwards… That guy is just going from bad to worst and all of his own doing.

RockingHorseGuy July 21, 2011 at 9:51 pm

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Pelosi has only done less damage than Obama because she had less power than him. Heaven forbid the Dems ever elect her to the White House.

KimmyQueen July 22, 2011 at 10:44 am

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She is completely unelectable. I think that Democrats even know that she is a joke. I would love if she ran it will be hilarious. However she adores and worships Obama she won’t do it this time around.

RockingHorseGuy July 22, 2011 at 1:36 pm

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If she ran in a primary, I would switch parties to vote for her. I would just hope it didn’t backfire on me and she got elected.

Neo-7 July 21, 2011 at 3:30 pm

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Me likes !!!

Big Al July 21, 2011 at 4:02 pm

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More comedy gold! Thank you!

Ruben July 21, 2011 at 4:02 pm

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The classics never grow old!

Buck O'Fama July 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

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Unfortunately, it ain’t really a joke.

jukin July 21, 2011 at 4:38 pm

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The 110th congress will not tolerate deficit spending. This is the end of deficit spending.

Nanzi Pelosi….just before she went on to deficit spend $5 trillion dollars in four years.

Nanzi can pucker up and suck a nice wet shiny turd out of my asshole.

Navyvet July 21, 2011 at 5:53 pm

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No problem for her if there is some cash up there.

Joe Redfield July 21, 2011 at 5:21 pm

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Hold up there! The President is the making the jokes around here(unless I misread the previous post) so don’t go trying to hog the spotlight before he thinks of the punchline. Have a nice, long, weekend…

Vic July 21, 2011 at 5:37 pm

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OMG!!! That is the greatest thing I have seen today!!

Navyvet July 21, 2011 at 5:55 pm

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“She married for money.” Whyinell would anybody with money marry a skank like her. For that matter, why would someone even without money marry a skank like her. Boy talk about coyote ugly. Wake up with that and you’d never drink again.

Vic July 21, 2011 at 7:18 pm

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Well, back around the dawn of time, she was Miss America. At one time Skanky Pelosi was a thing of beauty. This was back when electrons were still square, the Ark was sailing the high seas (why thell didn’t Noah kill those two damned mosquitos when he had the chance????) and it only took a quarter to buy a gallon of gas. (before democrats went nutzoil raising taxes…)

danybhoy July 22, 2011 at 3:15 am

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Pelosi came from a political family with money & power out east, Baltimore to be exact. Her old man, Thomas D’Alessandro, was a US Congressman & Mayor of Baltimore. Her hubby, Paul, also came from a well to do backround as well, I believe he’s from NYC.

Buzzsaw July 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm

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I would like to shake that gentleman’s hand, God bless him!

poppajoe49 July 21, 2011 at 6:40 pm

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This is my new favorite joke!

hisham July 21, 2011 at 7:51 pm

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Here, Here, and AMEN! Pass the plate please, second collection goes to the Saint Nancy P. Loosely defamation league!

johnnyamerica July 21, 2011 at 9:55 pm

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I was so hoping this was a true story.

KimmyQueen July 22, 2011 at 10:46 am

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LOL

Bryan July 22, 2011 at 3:23 am

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Kinda makes sense though, pretty sure there’s no patron saint of Bullshit yet.

poppajoe49 July 22, 2011 at 4:15 am

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How about a patron saint of Botox?

KimmyQueen July 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

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She is the patron saint of botox at the least she is the spokewoman. She is like the caution photo of botox use.

poppajoe49 July 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

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WARNING, SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE LOOKING LIKE NANCY PELOSI!

KimmyQueen July 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

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For real! Her picture associated with botox will diminish its use by a great percentage I am sure. :-)

Barb R July 22, 2011 at 5:53 am

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Patron Saint of Bullshit? Pick a Kennedy, any Kennedy.

RockingHorseGuy July 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm

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Is Olivia a Kennedy?

Barb R July 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm

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Yes. She’s of the Illinois Kennedys.

drb July 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm

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If not directly then by proxy

KimmyQueen July 22, 2011 at 2:37 pm

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Ha, ha!

Vic July 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

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Are you sure about that Bryan? Then just what is Scary Harry reid’s position? OH YEAH!! He’s the Czar of Bullshit.