Joke of the Day: The tree hugger and the tree

by editor on June 22, 2011

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Washington.

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

old-growth-forest

She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local emergency room to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?”

He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a “recreational area” so close to a waste treatment facility. I’m sorry, but due to ObamaCare they turned you down.”

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

RIM June 22, 2011 at 5:25 pm

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Damn good thing we saved the Spotted Owl all those years ago! What a Hoot!

PsychoDad June 22, 2011 at 5:32 pm

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O man. That’s bad. Really bad. Love it.

KaylaKW June 22, 2011 at 5:56 pm

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hahaha! That was great :) Poor girl, it’s not her fault Obama came up with Obama care right before she decided to slide down a tree…

CurtisHx June 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm

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ba-ZING!!!!!

Winghunter June 22, 2011 at 6:29 pm

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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “But how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You’ve made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You’re in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it’s MY fault.

Liz June 23, 2011 at 7:53 am

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The article was an absolute, roll on the floor hoot, but this comment is outstanding.

The truth shall set you free!

hisham June 23, 2011 at 10:10 am

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I totally agree with you Liz and Winghunter, this is a great analogy, do I have your permission to share it with my FB friends?

FormerlyDeanH June 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm

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Maybe the liberal law of the last word should be applied here. Append after the man’s last words; She replied “Yes it is.”

Joe Redfield June 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm

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Good one. And with the line “A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter…” you’ve pulled off a triple redundancy.

Ken (cdn) June 22, 2011 at 6:37 pm

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Ha ha ha ha ha …it’s funny ’cause it’s true!

jukin June 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

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SMART Power!!!!111111!!!11eleventy

And by the way, people like this will no be making your personal health care decisions for you. Luvs me some socialism big gubment

BMF June 23, 2011 at 4:53 am

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Obama, Biden, and Pelosi walk into to this bar…

Never mind. The joke’s on us.

YT June 23, 2011 at 7:17 am

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Now for my favorite joke of all time: Michelle Obama is sexy and elegant.

RockingHorseGuy June 23, 2011 at 12:25 pm

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That’s not funny.

FormerlyDeanH June 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm

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Did you have to swallow a little upchuck after you read that? I almost had to.

lauren June 27, 2011 at 11:03 am

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Here’s one for you……Barack, Michelle and Oprah are flying in Air Force One across the country. Oprah opens her purse, pulls out a hundred dollar bill and says “if the windows in this jet opened, I could throw this bill out and make someone very happy”……Barack chimes in “you know, if you turned that into ten ten dollar bills and did that you could make ten people happy”…not to be outdone, Michelle pops up with “well, I would turn it into one hundred one dollar bills and make one hundred people happy”. The pilots have been listening in to the conversation, and so the pilot says to the co-pilot “if we throw them out the window, we will make 16 million people happy”………..

Neo-7 June 27, 2011 at 11:09 am

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Only 16 million ? That’s not even the amount of illegals here.

Pilot must be a lib or a product of the government schools .

Just saying.

deepthinker June 23, 2011 at 4:57 pm

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LMAO

odoskira June 29, 2011 at 6:05 pm

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As a tree-hugger (but not rabidly so)…LOVE this….tyvm for the laugh!

FormerlyDeanH July 28, 2011 at 6:12 pm

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The Ant and the Grasshopper – a conservative story.

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
The moral to this little story is to be responsible for yourself!

Now for the same story but in a modern progressive system.

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, PMSNBC, MSLSD and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’
SPLC stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, We shall overcome.
Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake.
President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.
Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Chris Matthews that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize and ramshackle the once prosperous and peaceful neighborhood.
The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.
The moral? You decide.

drb July 28, 2011 at 6:33 pm

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oh, so that’s why Dr.R. calls GJ, EW, CV and I “ants”.

englishg January 26, 2013 at 11:15 am

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Love It

CO2Insanity January 26, 2013 at 11:18 am

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It she’d been wearing her GoGirl this wouldn’t be a problem.