Man arrested for having sex with tree (don’t pretend you can’t wait to read this one)

by editor on February 22, 2010

What the hell is going on out there?

In the last week we’ve had the story of the Pakistani diplomat whose name sounds like “huge penis” in Arabic. Then we had the story of a tree carved into the shape of a huge penis. And now we have the story of a Scottish man who was arrested for having sex with a tree.

Somehow it just seems like a natural progression of stories.

The Scotsman has the lurid details of the latest story:

In the words of Joyce Kilmer, "I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree."

A MAN who was banned from a park after it was alleged he tried to have sex with a tree in broad daylight has been jailed for five months and put on the Sex Offenders’ Register for seven years.

William Shaw, 22, of Airdrie, was ordered by a sheriff not to enter Central Park, Airdrie, after it was claimed he dropped his trousers and underpants, exposed himself, and while his trousers were around his ankles, simulated having sex with a tree.

The prosecutor said: “His trousers and underpants were at his ankles, he was standing at a park bench and his arms were at his side. A woman, walking her dog, was just five to ten yards away. She went over to two children who were playing and stopped them from looking. She also contacted police. There were trees in the vicinity and a football match was going on at the same time. There were numerous people in the park.”

This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Having a woodie.”

Source: The Scotsman

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

JustAl February 22, 2010 at 5:28 am

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How someone could do such a knotty thing leaves me stumped, this is a new branch in debachery, by somone who is obviously barking mad.

IXmusigicianXI May 7, 2010 at 8:52 pm

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lmao… you are hilarious!

Sahansdal January 6, 2012 at 4:24 pm

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Good thing it wasn’t Tiger WOODS.

Greg February 22, 2010 at 7:58 am

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Has anyone seen Al Gore. My guess he would leave a small carbon footprint.

Ray February 22, 2010 at 8:36 am

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People who do this are referred to as a splinter group.

danybhoy February 22, 2010 at 5:16 pm

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Who was the first one to “get wood”?

Atrix May 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm

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Amazing… that tree looks just like a woman.

btw my captcha is “S4V3″ leetspeak for Save… hrmm :P

KimmyQueen May 2, 2011 at 9:48 pm

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Yeah it does. Is that pic photoshopped?

Arron Nash April 2, 2012 at 9:58 pm

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I would hump that tree in a heart beat. <3

ooddballz April 3, 2012 at 8:08 am

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Oh come on now people, there is an obvious tree huger joke here somewhere.
(but I can’t think of it)

preston June 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm

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That is funny.

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