NASA-funded group makes up wacky theory to explain why global warming isn’t causing sea levels to rise

by editor on May 13, 2011

Damn it! Damn it to hell! Satellite measurements show that sea levels aren’t rising like the warmers predicted, so a NASA-funded group has come up with its own scientific theory to explain the shortfall. And by “scientific” we mean “making crap up as they go along.”

global warming sea level rise

Nature in balance: Land masses are rising almost as fast as sea levels are rising!

Forbes has the latest global warming “facts”:

Satellite measurements, however, show global sea level rose merely 0.83 inches during the first decade of the 21st century (a pace of just 8 inches for the entire century), and has barely risen at all since 2006. This puts alarmists in the embarrassing position of defending predictions that are not coming true in the real world.

The University of Colorado Sea Level Research Group is coming to their rescue. The NASA-funded group claims glacial melt is removing weight that had been pressing down on land masses, which in turn is causing land mass to rise. This welcome news mitigates sea-level rise from melting glacial ice, meaning sea level will rise less than previously thought. However, it is very inconvenient for alarmist sea level predictions. Therefore, instead of reporting the amount by which sea level is rising in the real world, the Sea Level Research Group has begun adding 0.3 millimeters per year of fictitious sea level rise to “compensate” for rising land mass.

In other words, they’re twisting the facts to make them fit the theory. Kind of like they did with tree ring data and the hockey stick.

Seems to us that those same precise satellite measurement devices that are capable of measuring a miniscule rise in sea levels should also be capable of measuring any corresponding rise in land masses.

We’ll just sit here and wait for the University of Colorado Sea Level Research Group to deliver that data.

Oh, wait. What were we thinking? They’re the Sea Level Research Group. That data will probably have to come from another NASA-funded organization called the Land Mass Level Research Group.

Source: Forbes

{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

Tom May 13, 2011 at 3:54 pm

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did you know that norway is rising due to the glaciers melting? the weight of the ice is so massive that as it melt and runs into the sea, the land rises. this same thing happens to other ice covered landmasses. glo-bull warming isnt raising SEA levels, its raising LAND levels.
STOP!!! WE MUST STOP GLOBAL WARMING!!!! THE LAND IS RISING AND THE INCREASED LAND AREA IS THREATENING SEA LIFE!!! THE LAND ANIMALS ARE TAKING OVER!!! SAVE THE DOLPHINS!! AAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!

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chainsaw May 13, 2011 at 7:41 pm

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“STOP!!! WE MUST STOP GLOBAL WARMING!!!! THE LAND IS RISING AND…”

…WE’RE GETTING TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN!!! EVERYTHING IS BURNING UP!!! AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!…!

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Ruben May 13, 2011 at 8:52 pm

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…and speaking of the effects of this rise in land mass elevation on wildlife: the next thing “scientists” will be telling us is that the sudden increase in elevation will make deer turn into elk.

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Rod May 13, 2011 at 4:05 pm

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Should California also be seeing growth in land mass, and if so, I would like to claim the new land mass “beachfront property” as mine!

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CO2Insanity May 14, 2011 at 7:11 am

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You’re too late – Al Gore already bought it.

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RockingHorseGuy May 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

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I’m still holding out hope that the great earthquake will come, and Al’s property slides off into the ocean.

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Harry Tuttle May 13, 2011 at 4:10 pm

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Wow! Just like Obama SAID! Who knew he could do it so soon!

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tracycolorado May 13, 2011 at 4:35 pm

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If They Cant Baffle You , With Brilliance , They Will Baffle You , With BULLSH*T

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Joe Redfield May 13, 2011 at 5:01 pm

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And, in Progressive Boulder, residents are in full panic mode, already fleeing for the mountains to avoid the coming flood.

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RIM May 13, 2011 at 5:30 pm

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These would be the NASA funded group that operates out of a Holiday Inn Express, right?

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sifi May 13, 2011 at 6:17 pm

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This is as bad as Rep. Hank Johnson’s, Guam could tip over, statement. Do they actually think the continents are floating?

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alien May 13, 2011 at 8:06 pm

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The Guam thing was stupidity. But the continents do float (drift, collide, make mountains & trenches.. even bob up & down over geological time frames)

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sifi May 14, 2011 at 7:10 am

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Still, only the area weighted down by the glacier would be affected. I can not see a whole continent rise because of glacier melt.

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whiskeyriver May 14, 2011 at 8:39 am

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Actually, the other continents will sink. It’s simple! As the glaciers melt and the land under them raises it will creat a void in the magma belt under those land masses.

Since nature abhors a vacuum the magma under the other continents will start flowing in to fill the void, causing them to sink. This in turn means the sea levels will be rising along the coasts of these continents, which proves the globull warming alarmists were right all along!

Which brings me to my theory about the hole in the ozone layer. Since nature does not like a vacuum and outer space is a huge empty vacuum, it is our duty to fill it. The hole in the ozone layer is over the south pole and it has been opening or closing forever, depending on which scientist you listen to.

Now, think about the human body and what is located at our southern end. It has been opening and closing for all our lives and if it didn’t we would be in serious trouble. That’s right folks, the ozone layer is our earths asshole. When enough gunk gets built up in our atmosphere it opens up to let it out into the vacuum of space. When enough gunk gets built up in us it opens up to let the gunk fall into whatever vacuum is under us at the time. Hopefully, we have a toilet under us at the time. When enough gunk gets released our ozone layer, like Mother Natures, closes up again. The only difference is in the frequency. Once a day or once every 10,000 years.

I wonder if the University of Colorado Sea Level Research Group would hire me? My theories make as much sense as theirs do!

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perlcat May 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

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My brain hurts.

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sifi May 15, 2011 at 8:57 pm

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My brain hurts too.

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hisham May 14, 2011 at 9:32 pm

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That’s funny, LOL!!

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whiskeyriver May 14, 2011 at 10:11 pm

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Thank you, I do get a brain fart on occasion. Usually after reading another different, conflicting, idiotic, climate doom, chicken little, the sky is falling, did I mention idiotic, article published by some dipshit “scientist” who knows nothing about reality in how Mother Nature truly works.

Please excuse me for a while. I just got home from work, slammed a couple of beers, and I have a feeling the ozone layer is about to expand under the south pole.

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alien May 14, 2011 at 8:44 am

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Yeah you are definitely right.. They put in a weird global fudge of .3mm/yr and that’s not making sense to me yet (nothing like the hundreds of feet in some places up north after ice age). I’m sure 21st century civ can handle a few more inches of sea level.

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perlcat May 14, 2011 at 12:07 pm

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The Romans did — what with the places where they made salt being some distance elevated above current sea level. I think the distance was in feet, not inches.

The global warming people have a number of hurdles to pass through before I start believing them. The first one is they have to counter the accusation that they appear to be making sh*t up as they go along.

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RockingHorseGuy May 14, 2011 at 11:03 am

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Yes, continents DO move around, rise, fall, push up mountains, etc. But it has nothing to do with what we’re doing here. We don’t cause it, we can’t stop it. And it certainly won’t do any good to get all excited about it. And Al Gore doesn’t need to be making any money off of it.

If they can’t document it, they can’t put it in their report as a part of the calculations.

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alien May 14, 2011 at 11:25 am

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Right.. I only commented regarding floaty crusty continents and ability of glacial weight to have an effect. i think AGW is mild at its worst and not worth restructuring whole economies over. For all we know another volcano will go off in 25 years and ash us back a couple degrees. In 50 years we may be able to mimic that effect ourselves.

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perlcat May 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm

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Yes — we’re only a volcanic eruption away from serious problems — and I don’t see the entire population of Boulder fleeing the Yellowstone Caldera just yet.

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Babydoll102187 May 13, 2011 at 7:02 pm

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Who would have ever guessed scientist bending facts to fit their therories? NO, that never happens!

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alien May 13, 2011 at 7:52 pm

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Its called glacial rebound. NASA didn’t just make this up. Its an old old observation. We learned about it up north because the land is still coming up in places.

I’ll grant you, it seems new in this context

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hisham May 13, 2011 at 9:22 pm

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Yeah, well alien, glacial rebound takes tens of thousands of years and even hundreds of thousands of years to be noticed, and since NASA hasn’t been around nearly that long and their measurement satellites haven’t been up in space for more than a decade or so, it still sounds like AGW BS being dressed up in a new Sunday go to meeting suit. I’m definitely not a flat earther, but I’ll be damned if I blindly believe anything that dribbles out of the yappers of these marxist buffoons. In my day we called them geeks!

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VelvetKevorkian May 13, 2011 at 10:12 pm

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Wait…. the same volume of ice weighs less than the same volume of water, therefore how could the ice be pushing down more on the land mass? As my Grandpa used to say “what a bunch of mularkey.”

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Tom May 14, 2011 at 9:34 am

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just think about a huge weight on top of the land getting off.

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ray May 13, 2011 at 11:36 pm

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Their bullshit floats.

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Randome-11 May 14, 2011 at 5:07 am

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Stop global laming!

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hisham May 14, 2011 at 7:13 am

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LOL!

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Buck O'Fama May 14, 2011 at 9:29 am

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The sea level is not rising because Barack Obama is president and he promised to LOWER THE OCEANS! Don’t those boobs at NASA know anything?????

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Max Fisher May 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

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He stopped the oceans from rising in his first term.This gives him something to do in his second term,stop the land from rising. And maybe if we give him a third term he’ll get to some less important things like stopping unemployment and the deficit from rising

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drb May 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

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No, no ,no. The sea level isn’t rising because the sun is evaporating the oceans just as fast as the ice caps are melting. We aren’t getting increased cloud cover and rain because of the hole in the ozone layer allowing the evaporated molecules to escape into outerspace where it once again turns back into ice and floats around in space until it gets caught in the gravitational pull of Mars. Which is why NASA is searching for life on Mars, because everyone knows that where there is water there has to be life.

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Philanthropist May 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm

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NASA’s primary mission is to reach out to Muslims and pet them in order to build up their self esteem or some damn thing, what the hell are they doing wasting time and money on this planet thingy?

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nonkenyan May 16, 2011 at 8:35 pm

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That’s by Obama’s command. Check the video at about 2:40
http://youtu.be/W9IiwzwzXz0
Watch the other hand. Global warming is the distraction with an agenda. Money for sweaty Al and windmills. The other hand is appeasing the growing religion of Islam, which has no problem filling the streets with violence and chaos. Coming soon to a city near you.

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