Taking Notes: How Black Friday Marketing Techniques Can Sell Obama(don’t)care! Our advice? Get a rag, some pledge and keep polishing that turd till it shines!
Venezuela’s Maduro accuses 99 percent of businesses of “price gouging,” vows to punish more “capitalist parasites.” Whenever socialism fails (as it inevitably does), it’s always someone else’s fault.
Do you feel like Thanksgiving week was a bit chilly this year? Past seven days: 205 record snowfalls and 1,172 record lows versus only 78 record highs. Apparently, Al Gore’s vegetarian diet is having a miraculous effect on Global Warming.
TOP SCIENTIST: HUMANS EMERGED AFTER CHIMPANZEE HAD SEX WITH PIG. If true, all Muslims are part pork so we guess they’ll start offing each other any day now.
Iran announces development of ballistic missile technology. “Perhaps, [Secretary of State] John Kerry believes that Iran only wants ballistic missiles for peaceful purposes.” Well, it’s not like Iran is some guy from fly-over country buying an AR-15, is it?
“Non-partisan” group was paid $1 million to produce positive Obamacare stories. Geez, that works out to about $500k per story, we reckon.
Sharia police in Nigeria destroy 240,000 bottles of beer. Okay, now those crazy Muslims have gone too far!
Cancer victim who complained about Obamacare on Fox News now being audited by IRS. The IRS is auditing him all the way back to 2003, so at least the guy won’t be needing a proctologist.
Alec Baldwin, fired by MSNBC, asks why not Martin Bashir? “Martin Bashir’s on the air, and he made his comment on the air!” Comrade Baldwin adds thoughtcrime to his hatecrime charges.
“I am not a turkey! Sure, okay, I lied about what Obamacare would do to you, and I have royally messed up the Middle East, and I’ve frittered away trillions of dollars of your money on what, in hindsight, seems to be crap and nonsense while the economy just gets worse (and yes, I admit I lied about unemployment, too), and as long as I’m confessing you’re totally correct that I’ve been using various agencies of the federal government to discombobulate and marginalize my political opponents, and okay, sure, I have a deep distaste for Israel, Christianity, and America, in that order, but Happy Thanksgiving anyway everybody! You elected me, you giant dummies, and I have three years left!“
New Obamacare setback: HHS delays online enrollment for small businesses. “Republicans immediately seized on the latest setback as another indication that Obamacare is full of bureaucratic glitches and doomed to fail.” Aw, they said that about the California bullet train, too… and look where that is now.
Record number of French corporate bankruptcies; Socialist theory vs. practice; What went wrong? Oh, the usual… Socialism works, but they just picked the wrong guy to implement it again.
Speechifying about immigration, President Obama lets his inner racist out. It’s like getting a peek at the demon inside Linda Blair:
“You know, as I was getting a tour of DreamWorks, I didn’t ask, but just looking at faces I could tell there were some folks who are here not because they were born here…”
WTF? He can identify immigrants by looking at their faces? He should teach that trick to the TSA.
NSA spied on Internet porn habits to acquire info for discrediting people. And here we thought the frequent mention of IHTM staff members in NSA data files was due to our conservative political views.
Desperate for circulation, The New York Times goes tabloid. By putting a giant picture of a nipple on the front page. Maybe it was an attempt to distract readers from the scary story to the right of the nipple.
Pope condemns idolatry of cash in capitalism: For all his good intentions the Pope will never produce the food that is needed to feed the hungry. This is because the Pope is not a good steward of scarce resources, nor could he be. Being a good steward of scarce resources and finding the most efficient way to maximize their potential and get them into the hands of the people at the lowest price possible is the job of the free market he condemns. A market that has been becoming progressively less free for at least the last century.
GOP Senate hopeful Jack Kingston: Don’t let Obamacare fail -it would be irresponsible: But making America fail. That is ok.