Try explaining this new Quiznos commercial to your children

March 28, 2009, 10:24 pm · 34 comments

Please do not be shocked. We are about to use internet terminology we have never before used at IHateTheMedia.com:

WTF?

Sorry, but that’s the only possible reaction to the new commercial for Quizno’s new “Toasty Torpedo” subs. You know, the ones shaped like giant male genitalia. Watch the commercial. We’re pretty sure you’ll agree.

The commercial features a talking oven that seems to be the gay cousin of HAL, the computer from the movie “2001.” It starts with the gay oven talking to a Quizno’s worker about how much they “both enjoyed” something. We aren’t privy to what that something may have been, but the mere memory of it causes the worker to look down at his crotch.

Then the gay oven says “Put it in me, Scott,” referring to his tasty, toasty torpedo.

There’s just so much that’s wrong and tasteless about this commercial that you really wonder who it’s aimed at, who approved it, and why.

The whole commercial comes across like some strange homage to gay, sado-mechanical sex.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(See also, Burger King uses oral sex to sell “Super Seven Incher)

Source: TVSquad.com

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

irv March 28, 2009, 10:56 pm at 10:56 pm

Yes, it’s that bad. But do you really think it’s worse than the Subway “Five dollar foot long” commercials that have been running for months? Have you watched one of those???

Everything on TV is about sex. That’s just life in modern America.

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Chuck March 29, 2009, 6:10 am at 6:10 am

Yeah, that’s a little odd. I think the Progressive commercial with the two men talking about the watch is overtly gay too.

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da Patriot March 29, 2009, 8:53 am at 8:53 am

Yeah, I saw this a couple of days ago and the sexual enuendos did not go by unnoticed. I thought it was damn creepy.

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ocmadam March 29, 2009, 9:11 am at 9:11 am

the next thing you know, car wash workers will be performing lewd acts with the vacuum hose….

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DeeMac March 29, 2009, 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm

I am having a smoke as we speak!

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AbbieH5 March 29, 2009, 5:15 pm at 5:15 pm

I thought the “innuendo,” was awesome. This is one of the few commericals I consistently laugh at every time I see it. And when the sanitized version is shown instead, I am utterly devastated. Is anyone really surprised that a company is using sex to sell a product? Folks should get over themselves. I for one am too busy laughing to be offended.

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Sala April 4, 2009, 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm
davboz April 6, 2009, 6:18 am at 6:18 am

Put it in me, Scott.

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iesvs April 11, 2009, 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm

You left out another funny-ass detail: In one edit of that commercial (I think it’s the one you’re referencing), notice how he’s looking at his junk and says, “I got burned last time.” F*cking awesome.

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Brat April 16, 2009, 7:14 am at 7:14 am

How many children are you raising? YOU may not care because all YOU are thinking about is YOU. I care because I am raising children and I don’t want them to grow up and talk like YOU! YOU may be laughing, but people wonder why there are so many problems in the world and maybe it’s because YOU only care if YOU are “entertained”. Try not watching anything that has a cuss word in it or sexual inuindos, etc. I bet you CAN’T! If after doing this for about 3 months, you will all of a sudden HEAR every cuss word. It’s amazing how numb you become to this stuff. What are morals? Do you have any? At what point to YOU say something is wrong? When someone is murdered or steals from you?

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Abbie Hartung June 10, 2009, 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm

I hope you’re teaching your kids to spell correctly, or at least run spell check. I-n-n-u-e-n-d-o.

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DontHackMe April 19, 2009, 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm

why are ppl so uptight. it meant as a joke. in my experience the sheltered kids that dont get to see those certian awesome commercial are the one who go out into the real world and get blindsided and end up beaten raped or dead ppl need to see this good humor on tv it real life and everyone lay off the gay bashing. f off brat you bible slut

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not a brat April 19, 2009, 11:34 pm at 11:34 pm

Wow Brat, get that bible out of your ass. It was a funny commercial, kids won’t even get it, ease up. We’re “numb” to innuendo and cursing because it just isn’t a big deal. Sex is part of our human nature, hate to break it to you. Go ahead and deny your humanity if you want, we’re gonna go ahead and have enjoyable, fulfilling lives. And talk about a slippery slope… who said anything about stealing and murdering? So dramatic. Tightwads like you are the cause of so many problems. *That* is what I say is “wrong.” Just go pop a valium and relax.

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J. Jackson April 25, 2009, 9:02 am at 9:02 am

“Try explaining this new Quiznos commercial to your children.”
That’s not quite the right. Try this:
“Try explaining why you’re letting your children watch adult themed programs on late night television.”
The above version of the Quiznos commercial only airs (aired?) on late night TV; and if someone’s letting their kids watch it, then they’ve got more to issues than worrying about what “Scott” is doing to/with a talking toaster. As an adult though, if you’re offended by the ad, you’re free to change the channel.

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Kira F. April 29, 2009, 10:01 am at 10:01 am

GO Quiznos!!!!!

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Scott May 13, 2009, 7:35 am at 7:35 am

How about getting off yur lard as@@es and taking your kids to a museum or park or reading them a book instead of typing on the computer about the state of the world we live in then going to fridge and eating a half gallon of ice cream while your kids get numbed down by the television you seem incapable of controling.

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DontHackMe May 13, 2009, 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm

o and scott not like your doing the same thing sitting on your fat ass replying to this and voiceing you opinion better watch it you might cut yourself on that double edged sword you live by LOL

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Gary May 15, 2009, 5:53 am at 5:53 am

Quizno’s stepped over the line on this one. I am amazed the FTC let this go through. I will never go there again. You see, you folks who believe in same sex marriage and openess, you are entitled to your beliefs. Well, guess what, I’m entitled to mine, too. I don’t like this stuff (catering to about 1/8th of a % of the US population) being shoved down my throat everyday. And why, all in the name of money. Rememeber folks, it’s all about money, it’s all about money. And to the two who made the bible comments, go ahead and act bad now. God has heard you. When your time comes, the devil will be waiting for you. Believe me, you won’t be so bad then.

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DontHackMe May 15, 2009, 12:46 pm at 12:46 pm

ok god heard me i repent in fear now im good to go

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Chris May 19, 2009, 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm

Quiznos should apologize to it’s customers! This is the epitome of tacky.

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Lighten up, you morons June 5, 2009, 2:18 am at 2:18 am

I applaud the people defending this commercial. It was meant to be funny. It is funny. To those complaining about it, go read your bibles and stay out of society. Those without a sense of humor, are not needed.

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Dee Mac June 5, 2009, 10:36 am at 10:36 am

What gives you the authority to decide society’s standards by telling those who are offended to stay out of society? Why is your judgementalism allowed, but others’ sensitivities are not? The commercial in question might be funny to some people, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to accept it and agree that it is humorous.

Also, when were you named humor Czar? Your final comment indicates you also get to judge who has or does not have a sense of humor. Must be nice to have that kind of authority and insight!

Gotta go, I have a job!

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KathyMary June 5, 2009, 9:22 pm at 9:22 pm

Reason 2,042,356 why I don’t have a TV.
Funny? STUPID. So does that make you want a tasteless, bready sandwich cooked in a gay oven?(put that down you don’t know where its been!) What is the percentage of gays to heterosexuals in this country? I would try selling sandwiches with a girl cook, they will get more customers.

Gay commercials are (I am guessing) the territory to explore– Everyone will be doing them for awhile. (oh, look aren’t we clever, open-minded and cutting edge?) NO, you are puerile and stuck in the hell of eternal mind-numbing narcissism. They will be doing them till they are considered old & tiresome and then go on to the next thing. and then the next.. ad infinitum.
The humor was infantile – barely High School level. We are all fascinated with our body parts – and, then ,we grow up.
The worse TV gets the more of us who want real entertainment leave it. They alienate us and then call us names when we don’t want to listen and watch their nonsense, any longer.

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irv June 5, 2009, 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm

Most intelligent analysis on this thread so far. Thanks.

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KathyMary June 5, 2009, 11:01 pm at 11:01 pm

You’re welcome! (-:

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Editor June 7, 2009, 11:16 am at 11:16 am

To all those who seem to think this commercial is good and that the only people who dislike it are some kind of conservative prudes:

This story was originally written by me, IHateTheMedia.com’s editor, who spent 30 years at the highest level of the advertising industry. During my career I was creative director at major international agencies and founded two very successful ad agencies of my own. I’ve won a warehouse full of national and international creativity awards. I can guarantee you that the Quizno’s campaign is so bad that it wouldn’t have been presented internally at any of the agencies I ever worked at or owned. It’s just a terrible commercial.

That being said, after reading some of the comments from people who defend the commercial I was willing to think that maybe I was wrong. So I sent emails to three acquaintances who are still major names in the advertising business. All three are creative directors. Two of them are top notch, award-winning writers. The third is an equally respected art director. I asked them to watch the commercial and give me their opinion of it. I didn’t prejudice them by giving them my opinion. Here are their responses:

Rob K: “It’s gratuitous. Blatant. They’re reaching to the lowest level to sell friggin’ sandwiches. There’s no art in it. There’s no elegance in it. This is a brand that seems desperate for a real identity – a soul. And they think that “Put it in me, Scott” is the solution? One year max for Quizno’s, and then, no mas.”

Bruce M: “Very lame, quite gay and just a little spooky.”

Scott M: “I guarantee the creative guys wanted a female V/O which would have made it simply tacky, amateurish and tasteless. With the HAL 9000 voice over, it hops right into bizarre.”

So there you have it. To each his own, but be aware that when you call this good advertising, you demonstrate how little you know.

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KathyMary June 8, 2009, 3:29 am at 3:29 am

Interesting! My instinct (and I’ve no where near your education/skills) is that the best advertisement is the one that offends no one and appeals to a broad base of people. Don’t chase anyone way, especially when selling something that all generation might not mind eating. These are NOT skateboards – they are sandwiches. Make them appeal to everyone, show the sandwich in a positive light – but for everyone. That advertisement was just plain creepy.

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donthackme June 9, 2009, 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm

what is the main goal in selling a product to the masses. For the people to remember the commercial/product and here we are talking about it. With that said the goal is also to sell the product people commenting may not buy quiznos. Maybe a few people wanted to go to quiznos no matter how nasty the commercial might be to the masses. Look at the gieco commercials most spend time simply blabbing about nothing for 20 second then the last 10 is the jargen about how to apply or buy the product i still dont see what cavemen have to do with insurance. Maybe we as people need to look at what commercials today are about and stop focusing on one.

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KathyMary June 10, 2009, 8:52 am at 8:52 am

Yet, in focusing on just one we can comment and consider & debate the problems we see in modern media. To focus on all would be too diffuse a debate, right?
One reason I stopped watching TV is that I could no longer stand the pervasive, annoying and utterly inane commercials, whose volume is purposely raised higher than the rest, just so you will sit there and be persuaded that you just must eat a sandwich (or whatever ) that is more than your acceptable calorie count for entire day..Now, they are adding the morals of hedge hogs into the mix. That isn’t the way to make friends and influence people. The point is not to have a few people go to a eating establishment, or just the brain dead teen agers, solely, or the guys working next door who will eat just about anything cheap to call in, it is to be the kind of place where you get new walk-ins daily. Where “I saw your commercial and thought I would try you out.” is heard,at least, several times a day. That is if you don’t have a death wish.

If you want to appeal to people leave your politics at the door, both liberals and conservatives eat, don’t insult people’s intelligence,don’t be radically of any one generation (or, do various commercials for each subset of society) and stay amusing and lighthearted. Laughter is a form of mnemonics. Women take kids out to lunch at places like Quiznos.. There should be, at least, some aspects of society that spare us being bombarded by sexual innuendo and disgusting images that most people don’t want any where near their brains.

As you notice, they have us talking about them, but not in friendly, admiring terms.
If I want my brain washed I will do it myself.

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Abbie Hartung June 10, 2009, 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm

C’mon people, it’s a commercial, just a commercial not the clarion of the end of western civilization. I can’t believe some folks are up in arms about a stupid commercial. I just hope you’re as proactive when it really counts. And while I’m no expert on marketing, this commercial made me laugh so hard I bought a Quiznos sandwich…and I liked it.

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pooptrick stevons June 15, 2009, 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm

I’d give that oven a round with the monk..beleee dat..tup tup chup chup.

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Oven August 1, 2009, 11:34 am at 11:34 am

You people have no life. Its a COMERCIAL, not a childrens show. If you dont want your kids to see it then get your kids off the TV dumb asses. so shove it and stop wasting your breath you homo fags.

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Agrees with above November 17, 2009, 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm

You’ve got to be kidding me!! I could not WAIT to check out this link to find out how messed up this was, thinking it might be something from Europe or worse, Asia.

It was THIS!! Since when was sexual innuendo or sex in general outlawed in commercials? That’s taking the “precedent approach” which I find unnecessary in this case, because anyone who is offended by this commercial is such a whiny assed sniveling wiener that they don’t even merit an actual debate. A debate you’ll lose, decidedly, but one you do not deserve nonetheless!

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Jennifer February 15, 2010, 1:14 pm at 1:14 pm

Have any of the detractors of this commercial ever seen “2001: A Space Odessy”?
The commercial is a parody of the movie. In order to work, especially in so brief a medium as a TV commercial, the characters in a parody must be instantly recognizable.
All of the characters on the “space ship” in “2001: A Space Odessy” were apparently male. Hal, the computer (machine) in the movie, had a male voice. The oven (machine) in the commercial has a male voice. To have used a female voice for the oven or a female in Scott’s role would have been a non-parody, difficult to recognize and not at all entertaining.

Some people don’t like parody. It can be difficult to grasp.
It’s a type of comedy, so first a sense of humor is needed. Parody is often insulting (to what- or whoever is being parodied), so maturity is required to see the humor in spite of the insulting nature of the joke.
Maturity also helps one to realise that the parody is not aimed at the audience. It’s not meant to denigrate your favorite science fiction film, author or director. It also has nothing to do with homosexuality in this case.
(If you were parodying scene from a movie about Oscar Wilde, that parody might have some gay innuendo in it.)

Lighten up, folks. All a normal child saw in this commercial was a man and a talking oven. Not gay sexual innuendo.
I’m gay, I love gay innuendo and I have a huge imagination, but I got no gayness from this man-and-oven exchange.
Ovens can’t be gay! Ovens aren’t alive. It’s not only not homosexual, it’s not even sexual! Not to a normal child and not to a typical adult.

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