Six-year-old Suspended for Firing Assault Finger. We suppose if he’d merely told him “spread your legs you’re going to be searched” and then did a body cavity search with that finger we’d see Joe Biden riding AMTRAK to his rescue.

{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }

StrinaM January 3, 2013 at 4:08 pm

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That’s it! I demand meaningful action. We need a comprehensible ban on fingers!

RKae January 3, 2013 at 6:31 pm

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The media KNEW you were going to say this! Have you seen any pictures of the kid’s finger? Nope! This is a false flag setup!

Jim Stewart January 3, 2013 at 4:54 pm

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Quick, someone pull my assault finger. I can assure you that people will flee.

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 8:00 am

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No joke, my daughter just walked by and read the headline over my shoulder and said, ” what, somebody was dumb enough to pull it?”, and then I scroll down and see your comment. She just looked at me and deadpanned, “I have an uncle you never told me about?” Raised her well.

Thanks for the daughter\dad moment, not nearly as funny to anybody else, but I’m still chuckling.

Karmaa January 6, 2013 at 8:05 am

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My German husband makes jokes about that every so often. I guess some things are just universal. ;)

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 8:26 am

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Wait, wait, I have to ask, have two grown daughters (25 & 19) and still so many things I don’t know.

She did the one eyebrow thing with a straight face when she said “I have an uncle you never told me about?” My Q is

is that genetic, being able to pull that off, or do you’all have training manuals or smartphone apps that you practice in secret, passing it down from generation to generation of the ones who ‘really’ rule the world?

Seriously, give me a crumb, I’m just a guy. ;)

drb January 6, 2013 at 9:14 am

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you gotta have two x’s for that just like the eye roll I’ve been doing since birth…(just ask my dad’s bff, he’ll tell ya all about it.)

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 9:17 am

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So you have the advantage at birth, us guys are and always have been doomed, you just play with us and let us ‘think’ we’re in control. Gottit.

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 9:23 am

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Genetic, I knew it!

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 9:33 am

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Oh, oh, you sent me searching… I just solved an ancient petroglyph that has been baffling the most educated folk for decades, cave drawing of a finger pull and a miasma, been confounding the ‘experts’ for years and years…

Just for a laugh, bet ya a beer(or your fav) you snorked.

Joe Redfield January 3, 2013 at 5:26 pm

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But was it a ‘military-style’ assault finger? And if it had been David Gregory’s son, nothing would have happened.

poppajoe49 January 4, 2013 at 7:25 am

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If he didn’t have a magazine larger than 10 rounds, then this is false prosecution!

StrinaM January 3, 2013 at 5:59 pm

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Gregory would have held up the empty assault finger magazine on national TV as proof of how violent it is.

RKae January 3, 2013 at 6:29 pm

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Article doesn’t say if it was loaded. Was there a booger on the finger? If so, I’m siding with the libs on this one.

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 8:04 am

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If he’d been passing out free condoms on that finger they’d have the parade already scheduled.

KimmyQueen January 3, 2013 at 7:46 pm

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6 year old is acting out, he is probably trying to deal with something he saw or heard. Suspension is not the way to go it will make him feel like he did something unpardonable. People need to calm down.

tincan53 January 3, 2013 at 11:13 pm

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Damn those 6yo finger guns. You never know where one has been and they could miss fire at anytime causing all kinds of pops and bangs and, oh the carnage. They better ban those finger guns like yesterday. Dumbass liberals.

RKae January 4, 2013 at 8:51 am

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Here’s a good question: Can a person make a finger-gun if it’s not accompanied with a “Bang, bang”? What if you just do the finger-gun, but you wink and say, “How you doin’, big fella?” – you know: that sort of chummy hello thing?

That’s the thing about political correctness: it requires so many complicated strata of what’s OK, what isn’t, and in what context, and blah, blah, blah.

Alien January 4, 2013 at 10:19 am

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in modern internet parlance, it is now pewpewpewpew

CO2Insanity January 4, 2013 at 10:28 am

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You tell them it was a rubber band gun.

flashingscotsman January 4, 2013 at 10:45 am

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But they’ll know you were lying if you blow the smoke off it after firing. And of course, holstering it is absolutely forbidden.

flashingscotsman January 5, 2013 at 10:23 am

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Besides, if it doesn’t go “Bang, Bang,” it may be that it has been silenced, and you need a special permit for that.

poppajoe49 January 5, 2013 at 5:01 am

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“How you doin’, big fella?”

That sounds like sexual harassment.
Now you opened another can of worms!

KimmyQueen January 5, 2013 at 2:29 pm

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It’s a rabbit hole of political correctness with no bottom…

drb January 5, 2013 at 5:14 am

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LOL, there is a guy at the hospital that does that finger-gun wink thing to me all the time…but he doesn’t say anything, just nods his head along with it.

poppajoe49 January 5, 2013 at 5:18 am

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SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!!

Mornin’ dear. [_]3
MUWAH!

drb January 5, 2013 at 5:34 am

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morn’n’ poppa….oh, thank you.

Elrond Hubbard January 4, 2013 at 12:09 pm

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If toy guns are forbidden kids will use sticks as guns, if the sticks are taken away, they’ll use their fingers as guns, if fingers are taped closed, kids will spread their arms apart and pretend to be jet fighters. I was a kid once and I have three kids and five grandchildren, I know that the inventiveness and imagination of kids far surpassed the ability of adults to restrict them.

Karmaa January 5, 2013 at 5:34 am

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And girls will use their dump truck push toys as doll strollers. It’s stupid to fight it and to deny it. God has put some stuff into humans that all of our scientists can’t see or figure out, and we need to just accept it. (Come to think of it – that could be why so many scientists despise God… hmmmmm.)

drb January 5, 2013 at 5:37 am

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And girls will use their dump truck push toys as doll strollers

I did when I was a child…and I would take my brother’s GI Joe too cuz I felt Barbie deserved a better boyfriend than Ken.

KimmyQueen January 5, 2013 at 2:30 pm

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LOL So True!

poppajoe49 January 5, 2013 at 3:55 pm

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I thought Ken was gay

KimmyQueen January 5, 2013 at 4:15 pm

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Hence why it would have never worked out between the both of them

drb January 5, 2013 at 5:17 pm

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he does wear an ascot…just sayin’

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 9:14 am

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So does the dickhead on Scooby-Doo, and he always wondered why Shaggy needed all that ‘fuel’ to keep his energy up. Dumbass.

drb January 6, 2013 at 2:06 pm

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Fred/Ken…twins.

GhostntheMachine January 6, 2013 at 3:37 pm

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There Ya go, Fweetness now has a new nick(no pun)name, FredKen.

Karmaa January 6, 2013 at 8:09 am

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Hahah. Yeah, back in the days when GI Joe was full sized and so much more macho than that wussy Ken. Of course – turnabout being fair play and all – Joe occasionally kidnapped my Barbies, and they would come back with really messed up hair and clothes. I shudder to think what torture they endured at the hands of my brother.

drb January 6, 2013 at 9:06 am

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LMAO, I think that is an universal phenominon!

poppajoe49 January 6, 2013 at 4:48 pm

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Not having any sisters, I can’t comment.

KimmyQueen January 6, 2013 at 1:58 pm

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That is hilarious

poppajoe49 January 5, 2013 at 6:07 am

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Careful Karmaa, you might lose your membership in the psychologist guild, if they hear you talking about gender assignment that way!

flashingscotsman January 5, 2013 at 5:11 pm

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Wait a minute. I’m confused. Are you guys trying to say that there’s a difference between boys and girls? We need to do a study.

poppajoe49 January 6, 2013 at 6:36 am

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Put together a prospectus and include research centers in CA and FL.
Ask the goobermint for $200 million to do the research, and we’ll split up the money, do some research, and submit a consolidated report.
We each should end up with $99 million in profit!

DefHarryMelon January 6, 2013 at 6:42 am

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I have a behavioral neuropsychologist type doctor available to sign anything we can draft. Draft or draught, makes no difference to me… or him.

poppajoe49 January 6, 2013 at 7:11 am

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So, we can pay him in beer?
Sounds like a plan!

Karmaa January 6, 2013 at 8:15 am

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The results of the studies get buried. They occasionally get peer-reviewed and published, but everyone ignores them. The main reason they sometimes get published is so that other researchers can attempt to refute the studies.

Don’t get me started on this whole peer-review/publishing crap. It’s the stupidest PC system that could possibly be instituted. If it’s not published, it’s worthless. If it IS published it is sacrosanct, unless it’s not popular, in which case it’s only there to be shredded by the rest of the “researchers”. And some of the studies are beyond STUPID.

However – any well-designed study supports the fact that there are differences between the genders. As usual, only the hard-core feminazis refuse to believe it.

Karmaa January 6, 2013 at 8:15 am

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No problem – I slipped out the back door when they weren’t paying attention!