Top 10 hypocritical David Letterman lines about other people’s sex scandals

by editor on October 2, 2009

Sex scandals are a lot funnier when they don't involve you.

Sex scandals are a lot funnier when they don't involve you.

10. “Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared…and it turned out he was in South America. And then it turned out he was down there because he was sleeping with a woman from Argentina. Once again, foreigners taking jobs that Americans won’t do.”

9. “Ladies and gentlemen, here is great news. Senator Larry Craig from Idaho … is looking for interns. What parent doesn’t want to hear, ‘Well guess what, Dad, I got accepted into Larry Craig’s intern program’? But if you’re interested, Larry Craig is now accepting applications from interns. Just slide your resume under the stall.”

8. “But did you hear about this? Senator Craig from Idaho plans to fight a disorderly conduct charge. He wants to change his plea to ‘not creepy.’ … Earlier today Senator Craig said he’d like to turn over a new page. I believe his name is Kevin.”

7. “There’s another scandal in Washington. One of the senator’s from Idaho, Larry Craig, was arrested in airport men’s room. Gives new meaning to the word caucusing.’”

6. “The way I look at it, anyone who spends more than two minutes in an airport men’s room is guilty of something.”

5. “David Vitter has admitted he dates hookers in Washington, D.C., and also in Louisiana. He said in his defense he always selected the girl who made the lowest bid, so he’s fiscally prudent.”

4. “I read this in the paper this morning: New York City has a priest shortage. So you see, there is some good news in the world. … To give you an idea how bad it is, earlier today in Brooklyn an alter boy had to grope himself.”

3. “It’s sad. Spitzer said there is so much left undone — Amber, Ashley, Rhonda.”

2. “President Clinton wants to buy a condo here in Manhattan. I’m thinking, just pray to God he doesn’t buy the place above you. In the middle of the night, you could hear that 200-pound intern drop to her knees.”

1. “You know who was in town this weekend, went to a Yankee game? Sarah Palin … One awkward moment, though, during the game. Maybe you heard about it, maybe you saw it on one of the highlight reels, one awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game. During the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.”

Source: About.com via VerumSerum.com

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Kermode October 2, 2009 at 9:49 am

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I don’t think “hypocritical” means what you think it does.

Red October 2, 2009 at 11:46 am

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lol, do you?

Don't Buy The Hype October 2, 2009 at 12:57 pm

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Dear Kermode,

If you are liberal, stop trolling.

Regardless, please look up big (and apparently small) words you are unsure of. We don’t want you to look silly.

Sincerely,
DBTH

FMB October 2, 2009 at 9:51 am

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The guy who tried to extort 2 million dollars from David Letterman must be a complete nut case. Everyone knows that no liberal would ever be embarrassed to admit adultry or any other alternative daliances, so extortion only works with conservatives. The poor guy should have robbed a bank instead–he would have had a better chance of avoiding jail time.

LowerContrast October 4, 2009 at 9:51 am

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No single person has to admit “adultry” if their partners are also single.

That is neither a liberal thing nor a conservative thing. It is a personal business thing.

Lisa October 2, 2009 at 11:31 am

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Letterman made ugly comments about S. Palin all week. I figured it was because he knew she would never look at scum like him. I now know I am right.

LowerContrast October 4, 2009 at 9:52 am

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I’ve seen pictures of the guy Palin allegedly had an affair with. She’d have done better with Letterman.

Kip Hooker October 3, 2009 at 5:57 am

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hyp⋅o⋅crite
  /ˈhɪpəkrɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [hip-uh-krit]
–noun
1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

Ok a guy who passes himself off a a comedian (while having others write his jokes) who routinely insults people for not having high enough moral standard admits to having no moral standards while claiming to be the victim of an extortionist who sought money to keep the fact that Letterman extorts sex from his employees a secret. I can totally see why Kamode would be confused about Dirty Dave being a hypocrite.

LowerContrast October 4, 2009 at 9:45 am

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Letterman didn’t “claim” anything. The idiot put the blackmail packet in Letterman’s car and then met with Letterman’s lawyer to demand money.

There has never been any allegations of “extorts sex from his employees”. In fact, Letterman’s wife is a former employee. He only got married this year, so he has been single up to now. How does that make it “adultry” (per FMB)? I cannot help but wonder how many of your sex lives when you were single would stand up to scrutiny.

The little tidbit not being discussed widely is that Halderman had shacked up with Stephanie Birkitt (a former lover) and they are supposedly involved in the blackmail plot together. He took her diaries and wanted to use the material against Letterman. Halderman is in serious debt due to his divorce, behind in alimony payments and is battling his ex over custody the son she took with her to Colorado. He is nothing more than an opportunist slug. The sad thing is Letterman treated Birkitt so well that (rumor has it) he helped her go to law school. Well, that was a waste of money because if she IS involved, there goes her career.

While you whine about a non-politician who, as an unmarried man, had consenting sex with adult women, there are politicians out there who (despite their VERY married status), keep screwing around while we pay their salaries.

whatjacallit February 16, 2012 at 7:09 pm

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The Letterman guy is one creep. Between all the liberals in TV ie NBC, CBS, Public TV etc. they are pushing their personal views to the limit and then some.Please stay out of politics. lettermen is drunk with power and thinks he can say whatever he wishes. CBS should fire his ass.