Where the wild things are not

by editor on April 26, 2011

In the IHTM tradition of never missing an opportunity to run a story about scantily-clad women, we bring you breaking news from Lead, South Dakota, where voters defeated a Tuesday referendum that would have allowed nude dancing in “Historic Downtown Lead.” And nude, in our opinion, trumps scantily-clad every damn time.

strippers

It's for the children. No, wait, that argument may not work in this case.

Stripped down to its essence, the new ordinance would have allowed nude dancing at the Wild Thing Saloon, which brought in dancers for two days in December and crowds went … well, wild.

The event drew “hundreds of extra visitors into Lead,” which really, really needs extra visitors because the biggest industry in town is the abandoned Homestake Mine where scientists now run experiments testing for cosmic particles.

Not a lot of job opportunities for the average Joe in the testing-for-cosmic-particles business, ya know?

Lead City Commissioner Casey Borsch said turnout for the referendum was “considerably higher” than normal, which we’re guessing means more people, not happier people. Voters rejected the Wild Thing idea 535-303.

Unfortunately, not every naked woman story has a happy ending. (Especially when a town gets older and there’s no lead left in either its mining shafts or its miners’ shafts. If you know what we mean.)

Oh, well. While “Historic Lead, South Dakota” languishes in the economic doldrums because of their prudish sensibilities, two miles away in “Historic Deadwood, South Dakota,” where they legalized gambling in 1989, they’re into their third decade of boom times.

Maybe the two towns should switch names?

- Written by J.P. Travis of JPAttitude.com

Source: Reuters

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Dyrewulf April 26, 2011 at 4:11 am

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Well, I gotta say, I don’t go to those kind of clubs for the same reason I don’t watch trophy Elk hunting videos…..

anarchocapitalist April 26, 2011 at 4:29 am

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Dyrewulf,

You are SOOOOO right! Sitting at home alone fondling my Winchester while watching those videos just doesn’t produce the same thrill as going into the wilds and really getting it wet.

Ralph K. April 26, 2011 at 8:32 am

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Twin strippers? I suspect that Lead, South Dakota, does not actually rate twin strippers.

C’mon, tell the truth, is that Mrs. Administrator and Mrs. Editor?

editor April 26, 2011 at 9:07 am

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Mrs. Administrator and Mrs. Editor look more like Betty and Veronica from the old Archie comics.

RockingHorseGuy April 26, 2011 at 9:40 am

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Nothing wrong with that, Mr. Editor. Oh, and by the way, people of Lead, now I’m NOT coming there on my vacation this year.

DeanH April 26, 2011 at 6:15 pm

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Of course they do. Veronica turned out to be the model for all the women that ever dosed me with some hexes or some crippling time in the mental meatgrinder. To this day they are my weakness. I have sworn them all off due to my inability to actually see how bad they are. You guys are my heroes. Well, not really but lucky you are.

editor April 26, 2011 at 6:28 pm

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And don’t ever think they don’t know it.

KimmyQueen April 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm

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So who is Archie and who is Reggie?

editor April 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm

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Ahhhh, Kimmy, the things you missed growing up in Panama. Archie Comics were a staple of American youth who had outgrown kid comics and were moving into adolescence. Archie was the hero of the comics. He was in love with Veronica, the dark-haired rich girl. Betty was the hot blonde who was in love with Archie, but Archie could never see that she was hot because he was so in love with Veronica. Jughead was their idiot friend. Reggie was another rich kid who competed with Archie for Veronica’s affections. (NOTE: It’s been a lot of years since I read one of these comics, so I may be a little hazy on some of the details.)

Seems to me that Archie comics are still around and they are now trying to remain/become relevant by doing special issues guest starring celebrities like Michelle Obama and Sarah Palin. But I could be wrong about that.

KimmyQueen April 27, 2011 at 3:47 pm

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Mr. Editor… LOL Believe me I have read Archie comics since I was a child they do sell it in many many countries. Since you made reference that your wives were Betty and Veronica I wanted to know which one of you is Archie and which one of you is Reggie… :-)

editor April 27, 2011 at 4:02 pm

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Editor is undoubtedly Jughead. Administrator is Reggie. I think he’d agree.

KimmyQueen April 27, 2011 at 4:24 pm

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But Jughead is single Mr. Editor that doesn’t compute. Unless you are telling me that your wife reminds you of hamburger. :-D

So Administrator is a little high class and a little annoying? LOL

editor April 27, 2011 at 4:59 pm

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Mrs. Editor does remind me of a hamburger. She has very nice buns. But I think you have the Administrator tabbed perfectly. Except you left out brilliant.

Ruben April 26, 2011 at 9:40 am

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I wouldn’t get too giddy about Deadwood, SD’s “success” in the gambling industry. Since 1989, the crime statistics for domestic assaults, robbery and theft in the Black Hills area have gone through the roof.

KimmyQueen April 27, 2011 at 2:18 pm

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Exactly. There is always a price behind things of that nature and like always only and truly a small amount of people benefits. Indian reservations with gambling sites, the people in the communities live in abject poverty and there is a lot of crime. These types of business ALWAYS attracts THE WRONG elements of society.

Tony April 26, 2011 at 10:02 am

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“In the IHTM tradition of never missing an opportunity to run a story about scantily-clad women.”

Classy.

editor April 26, 2011 at 10:12 am

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That’s our middle name.

SplitTail April 26, 2011 at 10:58 am

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Ok, first of all… Lead is pronounced “Leed” not “Led”. And Homestake Mine was a GOLD mine, not a lead mine.
Lead is a tiny town with some really great people. You can almost count on one hand how many businesses are on Main St. With tourism and family events a main source of income for Lead, I don’t think a swanky tittie bar fits in. Sure, naked women are great, but I don’t think the location is quite right.

Ralph K. April 26, 2011 at 11:46 am

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You say that as though there can be a wrong location for swanky tittie bar.

whiskeyriver April 26, 2011 at 7:16 pm

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Excuse me Ralphy, do you know what a “split tail” is? Let me give you a hint here buddy.

The politically correct term for “split tail” is a woman of the female persuasion. In a little town like Lead, South Dakota about 99% of the split tails will be the married kind of woman. How many women do you know think it’s ok for their men to be visiting an all nude titty bar for a beer after work? Want to bet on how many of the city councilmen are married to one of those said split tails?

Ralph K. April 26, 2011 at 9:08 pm

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So you’re defending family values in Lead to protect the sensibilities of the split tails. Now I understand.

(I understand there’s too much whiskey and not enough water in the river, that’s what I understand.)

DeanH April 26, 2011 at 6:20 pm

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Thanks for the clarification. Frankly though, it seems like the folks over in neck of the woods – do they have woods? – got their metals all mixed up while figuring out what to call the place. Maybe the were trying to mislead outsiders from digging out their precious. That’s mislead pronounced misleed.