December 2012

Germans agog over tightrope walking gorilla. The new gorilla at the Krefeld zoo went through a period of depression, then started practicing on the rope much to everybody’s delight. It’s Hogan’s Heroes all over again – the Germans never seem to recognize an escape attempt until it’s too late.

- by J.P. Travis | 6 comments | Share Link

Not sure how to get rid of your Christmas Tree? Inventors reveal how to turn it into a ROCKET. Is this is NASA’s new space program now that Obama has cut their funds? If so, we wonder how they’re going to get Muslim’s engaged if they’re using Christmas Trees as Atlas rocket substitutes.

- by CO2Insanity | 11 comments | Share Link

Health Care, Housing, Education worse when government helps. “But policies trying to extend the benefits of health insurance, housing and higher education that tended to sever the connection between effort and reward have backfired and hurt many of the intended beneficiaries. Government policymakers failed to anticipate the responses of third parties attempting to game the system and grab some of the money government was making available.” And as we have seen, the third parties attempting to game the system are often the loudest proponents in favor of government “help”. Crony capitalism isn’t capitalism.

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 27 comments | Share Link

“Demand a plan” satire. A small pin lets the air out of a lot of over-inflated balloons.

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 34 comments | Share Link

More eliminationist rhetoric from an allegedly respectable newspaper columnist. “Then I would tie Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, our esteemed Republican leaders, to the back of a Chevy pickup truck and drag them around a parking lot until they saw the light on gun control.” As Tolstoy said, “Everyone wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change himself.”

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 24 comments | Share Link

Woman of privilege and her boyfriend — a Harvard grad and Occupy Wall Street activist — charged with having a cache of weapons and a bombmaking explosive. But they’re part of a mostly peaceful leftist activist movement. The people we gotta control are those wingnuts who want to defend themselves against enlightenment and otherwise be left alone.

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 15 comments | Share Link

Year-end guide to progressive sexuality: LGBTQQIAAP2SB. They keep adding letters to the vicronym (an acronym of victims… we just invented that word). The letters stand for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Queer, Intersex, Asexual, Allies, Pansexual, Two-spirit, and Bestiality fans. Now you’re ready for another year of the culture war.

- by J.P. Travis | 133 comments | Share Link

Evan Thomas, Charles Krauthammer rip Obama for lack of fiscal cliff leadership. “This is not Congress’ fault,” Thomas said. “Congress is behaving like Congress. This is the president’s fault. The president needs to go to the country and explain why they need to get this done. He has never done that.” Well, Obama is, as Thomas once said, a sort of god… the golden calf or hollow statue sort. [Video at the link.]

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 23 comments | Share Link

Deport me? If America won’t change its crazy gun laws… I may deport myself says PIERS MORGAN. This douche nozzle is a bigger blowhard in print than on the air. If he doesn’t self-deport, perhaps he’ll self-abort.

- by CO2Insanity | 35 comments | Share Link

THE TOP 5 GUN CONTROL GRAPHS: The Gun-Grabbers’ Failed Policies Are Exposed by Their Own Data! Hoisted by their own petard.

- by CO2Insanity | 11 comments | Share Link

Obama blames Benghazi attack on “Some sloppiness, not intentional”. Mistakes were made. Excuses were proffered. Concussions were suffered. Passive voice was used. Explanations were, are and will continue to be Shovel Ready.

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 25 comments | Share Link

The bitter wastes of politicized America.“The rest of us should consider the contemptible behavior of people like Hoyer as we watch the expansion of politics into every area of our lives. The government grows; the private sector diminishes; everything becomes a political act. Soon you will see the phrase ‘none of your business’ become an antique aphorism, as quaint as telling someone to ‘dial’ a telephone number. Everything is everyone’s business now. That’s what Big Government means.” Not Big Brother but Big Nanny. Utopia!

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 4 comments | Share Link

Ted Nugent Schools Piers Morgan: Morgan does his best to keep up. But, unlike with private cell phone conversations, he just can’t hack it. So Nugent then tells Morgan that he can ‘kiss his ass’. Morgan gets a peculiar gleam in his eye but it fades quickly. We can only assume this is because he realizes that the invitation was only rhetorical.

- by Kip Hooker | 21 comments | Share Link

Justice Sotomayor upholds free ‘morning-after’ pills under Obamacare: Perhaps Obama should have appointed a wise Latina instead of this autocratic dumbass.

- by Kip Hooker | 11 comments | Share Link

* San Antonio Theater Shooting. You didn’t hear about this one? Big surprise! Neither did we! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!

- by CO2Insanity | 26 comments | Share Link

Senate approves warrantless phone tapping for next 5 years. “The bill now goes to Obama for his signature, which it wil almost surely get—he’s a vocal supporter of the legislation.” Civil rights are only at risk when a Republican is president.

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 20 comments | Share Link

Obama picks his favourite photos of himself for 2012 (not that he likes to show off). Here’s the latest from President Narcissus.

- by CO2Insanity | 19 comments | Share Link

It was the Kitchen Knife in the Parlor with Professor Plum… or was it Professor Plum in the Parlor with the Kitchen Knife? “The BBC offers this advice for anyone in Britain who is attacked on the street: You are permitted to protect yourself with a briefcase, a handbag, or keys. You should shout ‘Call the Police’ rather than ‘Help.’ Bystanders are not to help. They have been taught to leave such matters to the professionals. If you manage to knock your attacker down, you must not hit him again or you risk being charged with assault.” How long is it until they ban briefcases, purses and keys?

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 41 comments | Share Link

New York newspaper to list more gun permit holders after uproar. Self-righteous journ0listic attention cravers drum up more controversy as they do anything to get their way and “serve the public”… but mostly to get their way. The Rockland County Times delivers some pushback: “What You Don’t Know About the Agenda-Driven Journalists in Your Neighborhood.”

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 31 comments | Share Link

French court rejects 75% millionaires’ tax. “The Council, made up of nine judges and three former presidents, is concerned the tax would hit a married couple where one partner earned above a million euros but it would not affect a couple where each earned just under a million euros.” Well, to paraphrase the old adage, two can be soaked as cheaply as one. No doubt John Roberts would’ve found a way to approve it: “Hey, it’s not a tax, it’s an individual mandate!”

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 23 comments | Share Link

Obama orders pay raise for Biden, members of Congress, federal workers. “The pay raise will generally be about 1/2 of 1%.” More than they deserve.

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 10 comments | Share Link

Adam Lanza’s Car Is Registered To Christopher Rodia: The Conspiracy Begins. Was this young man with problems manipulated into doing this massacre? Did he have help? Or, is this just another nutty conspiracy theory?

- by CO2Insanity | 29 comments | Share Link

British doctors call for ban on long kitchen knives to end stabbings. Well, now the Brits can have Piers back so he can call everybody against knife control a stupid idiot. And we’ll throw David Gregory in for nothing. Aw hell, take all of our journ0lists… please! What could’ve started this Night of the Long Knives, a mass stabbing somewhere? We’ve heard rumors the individual pictured below killed numerous times and even filmed her crimes for audiences to watch. Scary.

serial killer Julia Child holding knife

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 96 comments | Share Link

Grim milestone: Austin shooting 500th homicide in Chicago. How are all those strict Chicagostan gun laws working for you Rahm baby?? As of Dec. 7, Stars and Stripes reports that 212 soldiers have died in combat-related deaths in Afghanistan. The ENTIRE country of Afghanistan is MUCH safer than the CITY of Chicago.

- by CO2Insanity | 15 comments | Share Link

Is America’s Future Progressive? “The Obama-Bernanke-Geithner economy has done little to reverse the relative decline of the middle and working class, whose their share of national income have fallen to record lows. If you don’t work for venture-backed tech firms, coddled, money-for-nearly-free Wall Street or for the government, your income and standard of living has probably declined since the middle of the last decade.” Yeah, but will the outsiders ever get wise to the reason for this dichotomy? How long can it stay “Bush’s fault”?

- by Bonfire of the Absurdities | 111 comments | Share Link