BREAKING NEWS: President Fears Chinese Might Beat America to the Sun. With a dire prediction for the future of American business and industry the President warned -on 04/01/14- that we had better act now or risk losing the sun to the Chinese. “The Chinese have already cornered 60 percent of the solar market. That leaved less than 25 percent of the sun remaining for Americans to use. We’d better kick it up a notch before there is nothing left.” The president continued with one of his famous teachable moments “For those of you that didn’t pay attention in science class the sun is very important. It is a giant ball of burning fire hundreds of miles away. When it revolves around the earth it creates what we know as day and night. The sun is very useful for lots of stuff on earth. For example a process known as photosyphilis makes it possible for plants and animals to grow. That is why we must beat the Chinese to the sun. We must land a man on the sun and return him safely before the decade is out … the fate of the American farmer depends on it.” The President’s comments have been met with some skepticism since their introduction, but only from the usual assortment of racists, haters and flat earther types.
Exclusive: President Obama admits he was really born in Kenya and his real father is Louis Farrakhan. Dateline 4/1/2014. Washington, DC. This morning President Obama called a press conference where he admitted he was actually a citizen of Kenya and his real father is Louis Farrakhan. He also admitted he’s really a Muslim and that he was immediately banning Christianity and declaring himself Dictator for Life. He then said he was divorcing Michelle and making Reggie Love Queen, Joe Biden Court Jester and Sandra Fluke the new Birth Control Czar. Further news on these developments will be handed out as ordered by the new Minister of Stupid Propaganda, Nancy Pelosi who will probably blame it all on Fox News and Bush.
Hysterical Kerry: “Climate change is a global threat, touching every region of the world and every sector of the economy.” But not so big a threat to cause King Putts and Queen Moochy to vacation closer to home, eh?
Harry Reid accused of hypocrisy over billionaire donors. Dirty Harry is so two-faced the word should be rechristened Harry-crisy.
Sebelius left speechless when told Obamacare is unpopular. It’s called get your head out of your ass lady and see what’s going outside the planet Uranus.
Stephen Cobert targeted by twitter anti-speech thugs: It is not that we defend what he says, it is that we defend his right to say it. Voltaire came up with that, or something very much like it. So far as we know Voltaire never had a twitter account so the digital speech fascists will have to resort to burning his books instead.
7 militants blown up while making roadside bombs in a mosque in Ghazni. Reminds us of the old tale from the Brothers Grim: 7 At One Blow.
Another leftwing nutjob wants Global Warming skeptics arrested. Adam Weinstein, a columnist at Gawker, joins the previous loony tune who advocated arresting scientists who don’t toe the party line. Face it, the crazies are coming out from under their rocks and they’re serious.
The inevitable “draft Jeb” campaign shifts into high gear. Are RINO Rove and his buddies bound and determined to lose another election?
White House to regulate cow flatulence to battle Global Warming. Finally, a matter on which the Obama administration can legitimately claim expertise: bull shit.
If you don’t care whether Republicans win, care that Democrats lose. “I’d rather be disappointed by Republicans who periodically fail live up to their principles than have my country pillaged and hobbled by Democrats who consistently live up to theirs.” We didn’t vote for Romney, we voted against Obama. When in doubt, figure out whom the Left and the sh*t-stream media support and vote for his/her opponent. You’ll never go wrong.
Yankee One Dollar closing remaining stores due to Obamacare. “Citing Obamacare and an increase in the state’s minimum wage… closing down shop on all 23 remaining locations.” Employees lose jobs, shoppers lose stores, landlords lose tennants. You call it sad, the Left calls it “helping the little guy.”
Which Democrat are you? Take the quiz and see which Democrat you most resemble. We surmise no one’s like Barack Obama because there’s nothing about lightbringing and sort-of-godliness in any of the questions (also nothing about golf or red lines either.)
National Science Foundation spent $700,000 on climate change musical. When challenged about the expenditure, White House science czar John Holdren replied with a typical Obama administration non sequitur: “This administration is committed to ensuring that America remains at the epicenter of the global revolution in scientific research and technological innovation.” Huh? It’s a musical, you nimrod!
The four roots of Obama’s foreign policy catastrophes. “…trust in the benign intentions of those who want to destroy us combined with a mistrust of the West – still animates this president.” These four wouldn’t be as bad if it weren’t for a fifth problem: the man simply will not learn from (or even acknowledge) his mistakes.
29 mind-blowing photos of what liberalism did to Detroit. These are the ravages of which evil is capable, what the end of civilization looks like.
Bill Maher Tricks Guests With ‘Racist’ Paul Ryan Quote That Was Actually Said by Michelle Obama — The Reaction He Gets Is Priceless. Watch the real racists in actions AKA Liberals.
BREAKING: Obama Administration Caught Giving FREE High Tech Military Equipment to Russia. Never mind my bag lunch! If you cross this line we’ll give you free high tech military shit!
CNN’s Piers Morgan Signs Off With Final Blast At U.S. Gun Laws. We’ll give you the famous IHTM adios douchebag!
State Department gets tough on Putin by posting selfies. “State Dept spokeswoman Jen Psaki was mocked Thursday after posting a photo of herself on Twitter holding a sign that read #UnitedForUkraine @StateDeptSpox.” The next step will be for Kerry to have a word with the Russkies: “Nice climate you got there, Vlad… Be a shame if it changed.”
Venezuelan officials probing opposition messages coded into crossword puzzles. What’s a four-letter word for “socialist”? Discuss amongst yourselves.