It's great to be back and to reacquaint myself with the 16,000 hardworking Bloomberg employees, Most of you I will never meet or care about.
A couple of things have come up that we need to address, one is that I found a large Soda in the refrigerator in the employees kitchen at Bloomberg Television. This is UN-ACCEPTABLE! We are in the process of having the container fingerprinted and ALL employees will be fingerprinted so that we may take action and immediately dismiss the offending doo-doo-head.
Next I heard a rumor that someone who works out of our Wall Street Office owns a gun. Come on people, I do not want a mass murder at Bloomberg and Company because someone thinks they need to protect themselves! Your only roll in an attack is to throw yourself in front of me to protect me, as outlined in the company manual.
Our Security firm of Curly, Larry and Moe Inc. are armed and will protect us from any incursion by Tea Party Terrorists.
I don't know who the gun owner is, but I better hear a rumor that the gun owner turned the weapon into N.Y.P.D. for destruction, otherwise all Christmas Bonuses will be cancelled and NO one will get the fruit of the month club basket.
Finally I have noticed some employees wearing funny colored socks. This is also NOT acceptable! Anyone caught wearing unprofessional business attire will be escorted out of the building by security and terminated from employment.
Finally let me say again how wonderful it is to be back and how I love our diversity and our individualism (within prescribed guidelines as laid out in the 4312 page Bloomberg Company manual)
Emperor Michael Bloomberg the 1st
Chief Executive Officer
Bloomberg and Company
New York, New York
P.S.
Who ever wrote "For a Sexy Romp Call Michael" and put my personal cell number on the bathroom stall at Bloomberg T.V, I will find you and kick your ass!
Awwwwww!
This has nothing to do with work, it's his way of making sure everyone has photo ID next time they vote.
Of course, security can't check these badges. That would be racist.
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http://itaintholywater.blogspot.com/2014/11/politicians-in-general.html
To all Bloomberg People:
It's great to be back and to reacquaint myself with the 16,000 hardworking Bloomberg employees, Most of you I will never meet or care about.
A couple of things have come up that we need to address, one is that I found a large Soda in the refrigerator in the employees kitchen at Bloomberg Television. This is UN-ACCEPTABLE! We are in the process of having the container fingerprinted and ALL employees will be fingerprinted so that we may take action and immediately dismiss the offending doo-doo-head.
Next I heard a rumor that someone who works out of our Wall Street Office owns a gun. Come on people, I do not want a mass murder at Bloomberg and Company because someone thinks they need to protect themselves! Your only roll in an attack is to throw yourself in front of me to protect me, as outlined in the company manual.
Our Security firm of Curly, Larry and Moe Inc. are armed and will protect us from any incursion by Tea Party Terrorists.
I don't know who the gun owner is, but I better hear a rumor that the gun owner turned the weapon into N.Y.P.D. for destruction, otherwise all Christmas Bonuses will be cancelled and NO one will get the fruit of the month club basket.
Finally I have noticed some employees wearing funny colored socks. This is also NOT acceptable! Anyone caught wearing unprofessional business attire will be escorted out of the building by security and terminated from employment.
Finally let me say again how wonderful it is to be back and how I love our diversity and our individualism (within prescribed guidelines as laid out in the 4312 page Bloomberg Company manual)
Emperor Michael Bloomberg the 1st
Chief Executive Officer
Bloomberg and Company
New York, New York
P.S.
Who ever wrote "For a Sexy Romp Call Michael" and put my personal cell number on the bathroom stall at Bloomberg T.V, I will find you and kick your ass!
Awwwwww!
This has nothing to do with work, it's his way of making sure everyone has photo ID next time they vote.
Of course, security can't check these badges. That would be racist.