It was the kitchen knife in the parlor with Professor Plum… or was it Professor Plum in the parlor with the kitchen knife?

It was the Kitchen Knife in the Parlor with Professor Plum… or was it Professor Plum in the Parlor with the Kitchen Knife? “The BBC offers this advice for anyone in Britain who is attacked on the street: You are permitted to protect yourself with a briefcase, a handbag, or keys. You should shout ‘Call the Police’ rather than ‘Help.’ Bystanders are not to help. They have been taught to leave such matters to the professionals. If you manage to knock your attacker down, you must not hit him again or you risk being charged with assault.” How long is it until they ban briefcases, purses and keys?

This post was last modified on January 26, 2021

Bonfire of the Absurdities: After 35 year career writing software for IBM mainframes, am now self-employed contractor thinking of joining a union and striking for higher wages. Cured morbid fear of heights when I learned to look at them as lengths standing on end. Uncompromising in refusal to accept browser cookies. Amateur investor who has accumulated a small fortune in the market after starting out years ago with a large one. For recreation, I run, hike, kayak and play tennis but will not consider synchronized swimming under any circumstances.

View Comments (40)

    • Again, if the US is such a terrible place,why is everyone breaking their asses to immigrate here? We must be doing something right. This is a perfect example. In Texas we follow the castle doctrine. If someone is breaking into your home, or otherwise endangering you, you can shoot them. Just make sure the body falls IN the house.

  • Are you kidding me? Is this a joke? Guy is going to rape me and I manage to avoid it by hitting him hard and I cannot hit him again to make sure he wont run after me because I may go to prison for assault?

    Why am I surprised? Christian Bale screamed at his money grabbing Mom and b*tch went to the cops claiming (verbal) assault... and that actually got traction. Disgusting. What the hell happened to that country?

    Why are they protecting the evil people? Why are they making their citizens into cowards? What happened to the people that for a long time fought alone against Hitler? I don't get it!

    Leave it to the professionals? Are there enough professionals to be walking the streets 24/7 and on every corner? I mean come on!

      • Saw an episode of second season of "Alias" a few nights ago and the duo on a mission were in England. He got shot with a tranq, and he was thankful for the gun laws in England. I laughed. Being the good guy I obviously thought it was great he didnt get shot with a bullet, but it is utterly ridiculous that guards arent allowed to be truly armed, if I was an evil person I would be moving to England and get illegal guns over there and go on shopping sprees until I was stopped or I had enough. Ridiculous.

  • This is total madness. I know the Brits threw in the testicular towel a long time ago but I can't imagine how the citizens of the UK can let this go on with their violent crime rate the highest of any first world country. Do these idiots not see the connection?

  • "Bystanders are not to help."

    That says it all.

    It's difficult to believe this is the nation that stood alone against Hitler and his nazis 1940-41, but that was 70 years ago when England was another country.

      • Kimmy, Britain was a class-ridden society for centuries. It still is, but instead of aristocrats appointing each other to government jobs, Britain today is run by university graduates appointing each other to government jobs. The new elite's opinion of itself is the same as the old, that they're morally and intellectually superior to the peasants and hence benevolent when running their lives for them. New flies, same old shit.

        • It has a lot to do with the concept of from where a person gets their rights. They, as British *Subjects*, get theirs from an all-powerful State, which can give them or rescind them at will. This particular situation seems absurd to us, but it is a natural extension of a system of jurisprudence that evolved to protect and enshrine a class system.

          We, as American *Citizens*, get our inalienable rights from God. (That is, until the lefties achieve Goal #1 -- removing God from government, at which point, that source of rights is null and void, and the State can do whatever it wants with us.)

          • That my friend is the entire point of the Constitution and the reason why the Founders decided to make the USA the way that it is supposed to be. Instead of making a copy of Britain the Founders in all truth created a completely new form of government. If it wasn't for the progressives and haters the country would have continued to do well under such a government.

  • The only people in the UK that really need to be hit are the politicians. Lets export them a shitload of Baseball Bats.

  • Pity about the peasants. But we can't have the masses determining their own course of action. The geniuses in the government reserved that right for themselves. Yes, pity the working class that are killed as a result. But no wory at all really. Plenty more to take their place, eh what?

  • PUSSIES! IN the UK, people are serving life sentences for killing intruders who did home invasions, with guns/knives, and they defended themselves against the intruders. It is a sick place-a place I won't even visit anymore, for fear of being arrested for speaking a word, or defending my family/myself. They use the magna carta as toilet paper, just as our politicians use our constitution for wiping their asses.

    • Britain has some of the must fubar laws. I recall one where people are advised to not clear their sidewalks after a snow -- because the property owner is liable if someone slips and falls -- but if the sidewalk is covered in snow, it is an "Act of God", and no liability.

  • Before long it will be illegal in Britain to run away from an attacker, as that might lead the criminal to think he has bad breath or something, and thus suffer an irreplaceable loss of self-esteem.

    • You think you are joking, I think there is a possibility of something like that actually happening in real life. Scary.

      • Wh doesn't like youKimmmy? You aregetting downthumbed if you say good morning. Is fweetness after you now?

        • LOL probably! The energy to find and stalk me around the site and TD everything I type amuses me.

      • What if the attacker has an asthma attack while chasing you? He could sue you, and get more than was in your pocket.

  • They said you cant 'hit' him after he's down. So some nice steel-toed boots and a few swift kicks to the face and nads aren't hitting, eh?

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