J.P. Travis: Born and raised in Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1976 graduate of University of Michigan, father, grandfather, husband, founder and CEO of Travelyn Publishing (http://www.travelynpublishing.com/), and passionate anti-government believer in individual liberty.
View Comments (44)
I cannot begin to know your grief at the loss of your Mother. God holds her in His hand, and He will bring you comfort. You are all in my prayers.
May God grant her eternal rest in His arms and peace of mind to those she left behind. Remember the good times until you see her again.
Even if You think you are prepared for it, it's still hits like a ton of bricks! My condolences for your irreplaceable loss.
Sorry for the loss of your Mom, JP. A new angel in Heaven.
JP, I ask in Jesus' Name that you and yours are consoled and comforted by the Holy Spirit's embrace in this time of loss. My deepest and sincerest condolences for the loss of your mother.
When I came back to Michigan from Nevada three years ago, it was to help my parents. I had no idea what I was getting into. It's been tough. There's no adequate guidebook for what you have to do. Nothing prepares you for either the physical wear and tear or the emotional wear and tear. I'm a lean type guy, not a burly type guy, always the fastest guy on the basketball court or football field, not the strongest. During the last year, people would see me carrying my mother who, thanks to a forced sedentary lifestyle and age-onset diabetes, weighed as much as I do and ask, "How are you doing that?" I don't know how I was doing it. Swear to God, if you asked me to pick up 200 pounds of dead weight today and set it on the bed, I wouldn't be able to do it. Someone has been helping me the last six months. I used to wake up sore, wondering if my back can take this another day - then a few minutes later I would be lifting her out of bed. Then it got worse. She went from almost dead weight to completely dead weight. And here's the thing: as the lifting and physical effort got harder, my back and body got stronger and less sore. Yeah, Someone has been helping me.
Or, if you're an atheist and prefer a scientific explanation: maybe it was a Milo of Croton situation. (Mom would think that was hilarious, trust me.)
She went out good. It was a bit gruesome and heartbreaking the last couple hours when it was obvious she was suffering, but she was SURROUNDED. This place was full of grandchildren and great grandchildren, and Mom always liked to hear children's voices around her. Sometimes I would come into her bedroom the last couple days and there would be six or seven people sitting and standing around, talking to her and each other. One time I came in and my seven-year-old granddaughter was sitting there all by herself, holding her hand with tears streaming down her face. I'm not smart enough or together enough to arrange all this. It was just family coming together.
In November my older daughter called Hospice. I thought it was premature and wasn't super open to the idea. (In fact, I was accused of being rude and grump at the start of the meeting. Imagine that, me: rude and grumpy.) I didn't see where Mom was actually dying of anything specific. I think my daughter was more worried about me. They convinced me. And the nurses, doctors, aides, and EVERYBODY in that organization were unbelievably incredible. Wonderful people. Wow, that such people even exist is a wonder--that so many exist in the same organization is unbelievable.
Anyway, thanks y'all for all the comments. After the last three years, consider me a source of information in case you ever have a similar situation.
JP, I did the same thing, leaving Nevada to return to Canada for Mom and Dad. While I hate it here, I must admit the time I've had with them the past few years has been precious. When Mom finally decides to go join Dad, I hope there will still be a United States for me to return to.
Sending you hugs from the frozen wasteland (which, thanks to global warming - hahahahaha - is temporarily green).
Amen. Keep up the good work.
Boy do I understand!
We're going through it too.
My father in law came here to be with us 4 years ago, when he got lost for 12 days in California.
He had dementia, now full blown Alzheimers. He's in hospice, and not doing well. He refuses to eat more than a few bites, and is under 100 lbs.
He's in Depends, and refuses to let my wife near him when he needs cleaning up, so I've been in charge of that. WHAT FUN!!! He hasn't had a solid BM in 3 years. I've had to shower him, dress him, and now, since he can barely walk, help him in and out of bed, and around the house.
Now, since he can barely stand, I've gone to sponge bathing him, and his clothes and sheets need to be changed at least twice a day.
You're a good son, taking care of someone in this state isn't easy. Now, you'll have some relief, but I bet you would rather have her still.
Sounds like you and I have been living parallel lives.
Yea, it's funny how people who only know each other from online forums, seem to find they have so much in common.
My mother's has a brain disease. She's aware of what's going on but she can't walk, you can't understand her most of the time, in Depends, starting to have trouble eating, shakes enough she can't read magazines, use the phone or the computer. It sucks. My dad's in Texas and about healthy as a horse for his age. They're both 85. My step-mother is having memory problems, I suspicion Alzheimer's but you never know.
It generally starts out as dementia, just having problems with short term memory, but then it gets worse. When they start asking the same question 10-20 times in as many minutes, you will find out just how patient you can be.
Every morning, it's the same set of questions, several times, "Where is everyone?", "Did it stop raining?", etc, etc.
When they start eating less and less, you need to have them checked. With my father in law, it turned out to be an aortic aneurism. It makes him feel like he's full, and he refuses to eat enough to keep himself thriving. His mind keeps telling him that he's full, and there's nothing you can do to convince him otherwise.
Age is a cruel thing.
Your wife and father in law are very fortunate to have you in their lives.
Thanks, but it's nothing more or less than anyone would or should do for family. I know that there are many who wouldn't do this, but I wasn't raised that way. I don't consider it anything extraordinary, just doing my duty.
Yes. I don't point fingers, because I know that you have to be in the right position and right stage of your life, but if you can possibly do it... well, let's put it this way: inconvenience is not a good enough excuse. I had one family member who could not understand why Mom & Dad were not in a nursing home, but when a woman with dementia is in a nursing home, the discomfort, anxiety, messes, and other problems do not stop. It's just someone else dealing with them, someone who might not have your interest in their well being, maybe somebody earning minimum wage, hating his or her job, and having a bad day. (Not that I didn't have some bad days myself.) My main goal was to make sure Mom was never afraid, that no matter how confused she got she would know she had people around she could count on.
Exactly. My wife has 5 siblings, and for whatever reason, we were the only ones equipped to take care of him. Be it kids at home, so they had no room, or really wacky work schedules, one brother and his wife were house parents at a school for troubled youth, and were at work 24/7 for 2 weeks at a time. I'm just glad we were able to do it.
Condolences, sorry for your loss, JP.
JP I am so sorry for this loss in your family. Please know that I pray that the Lord Jesus provides you and your family with solace and consolation.
My condolences J.P. A Mother's love is one of life's great blessings. So sorry for your loss.
I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. May she rest in peace.
View Comments (44)
I cannot begin to know your grief at the loss of your Mother. God holds her in His hand, and He will bring you comfort. You are all in my prayers.
May God grant her eternal rest in His arms and peace of mind to those she left behind. Remember the good times until you see her again.
Even if You think you are prepared for it, it's still hits like a ton of bricks! My condolences for your irreplaceable loss.
Sorry for the loss of your Mom, JP. A new angel in Heaven.
JP, I ask in Jesus' Name that you and yours are consoled and comforted by the Holy Spirit's embrace in this time of loss. My deepest and sincerest condolences for the loss of your mother.
When I came back to Michigan from Nevada three years ago, it was to help my parents. I had no idea what I was getting into. It's been tough. There's no adequate guidebook for what you have to do. Nothing prepares you for either the physical wear and tear or the emotional wear and tear. I'm a lean type guy, not a burly type guy, always the fastest guy on the basketball court or football field, not the strongest. During the last year, people would see me carrying my mother who, thanks to a forced sedentary lifestyle and age-onset diabetes, weighed as much as I do and ask, "How are you doing that?" I don't know how I was doing it. Swear to God, if you asked me to pick up 200 pounds of dead weight today and set it on the bed, I wouldn't be able to do it. Someone has been helping me the last six months. I used to wake up sore, wondering if my back can take this another day - then a few minutes later I would be lifting her out of bed. Then it got worse. She went from almost dead weight to completely dead weight. And here's the thing: as the lifting and physical effort got harder, my back and body got stronger and less sore. Yeah, Someone has been helping me.
Or, if you're an atheist and prefer a scientific explanation: maybe it was a Milo of Croton situation. (Mom would think that was hilarious, trust me.)
She went out good. It was a bit gruesome and heartbreaking the last couple hours when it was obvious she was suffering, but she was SURROUNDED. This place was full of grandchildren and great grandchildren, and Mom always liked to hear children's voices around her. Sometimes I would come into her bedroom the last couple days and there would be six or seven people sitting and standing around, talking to her and each other. One time I came in and my seven-year-old granddaughter was sitting there all by herself, holding her hand with tears streaming down her face. I'm not smart enough or together enough to arrange all this. It was just family coming together.
In November my older daughter called Hospice. I thought it was premature and wasn't super open to the idea. (In fact, I was accused of being rude and grump at the start of the meeting. Imagine that, me: rude and grumpy.) I didn't see where Mom was actually dying of anything specific. I think my daughter was more worried about me. They convinced me. And the nurses, doctors, aides, and EVERYBODY in that organization were unbelievably incredible. Wonderful people. Wow, that such people even exist is a wonder--that so many exist in the same organization is unbelievable.
Anyway, thanks y'all for all the comments. After the last three years, consider me a source of information in case you ever have a similar situation.
JP, I did the same thing, leaving Nevada to return to Canada for Mom and Dad. While I hate it here, I must admit the time I've had with them the past few years has been precious. When Mom finally decides to go join Dad, I hope there will still be a United States for me to return to.
Sending you hugs from the frozen wasteland (which, thanks to global warming - hahahahaha - is temporarily green).
Amen. Keep up the good work.
Boy do I understand!
We're going through it too.
My father in law came here to be with us 4 years ago, when he got lost for 12 days in California.
He had dementia, now full blown Alzheimers. He's in hospice, and not doing well. He refuses to eat more than a few bites, and is under 100 lbs.
He's in Depends, and refuses to let my wife near him when he needs cleaning up, so I've been in charge of that. WHAT FUN!!! He hasn't had a solid BM in 3 years. I've had to shower him, dress him, and now, since he can barely walk, help him in and out of bed, and around the house.
Now, since he can barely stand, I've gone to sponge bathing him, and his clothes and sheets need to be changed at least twice a day.
You're a good son, taking care of someone in this state isn't easy. Now, you'll have some relief, but I bet you would rather have her still.
Sounds like you and I have been living parallel lives.
Yea, it's funny how people who only know each other from online forums, seem to find they have so much in common.
My mother's has a brain disease. She's aware of what's going on but she can't walk, you can't understand her most of the time, in Depends, starting to have trouble eating, shakes enough she can't read magazines, use the phone or the computer. It sucks. My dad's in Texas and about healthy as a horse for his age. They're both 85. My step-mother is having memory problems, I suspicion Alzheimer's but you never know.
It generally starts out as dementia, just having problems with short term memory, but then it gets worse. When they start asking the same question 10-20 times in as many minutes, you will find out just how patient you can be.
Every morning, it's the same set of questions, several times, "Where is everyone?", "Did it stop raining?", etc, etc.
When they start eating less and less, you need to have them checked. With my father in law, it turned out to be an aortic aneurism. It makes him feel like he's full, and he refuses to eat enough to keep himself thriving. His mind keeps telling him that he's full, and there's nothing you can do to convince him otherwise.
Age is a cruel thing.
Your wife and father in law are very fortunate to have you in their lives.
Thanks, but it's nothing more or less than anyone would or should do for family. I know that there are many who wouldn't do this, but I wasn't raised that way. I don't consider it anything extraordinary, just doing my duty.
Yes. I don't point fingers, because I know that you have to be in the right position and right stage of your life, but if you can possibly do it... well, let's put it this way: inconvenience is not a good enough excuse. I had one family member who could not understand why Mom & Dad were not in a nursing home, but when a woman with dementia is in a nursing home, the discomfort, anxiety, messes, and other problems do not stop. It's just someone else dealing with them, someone who might not have your interest in their well being, maybe somebody earning minimum wage, hating his or her job, and having a bad day. (Not that I didn't have some bad days myself.) My main goal was to make sure Mom was never afraid, that no matter how confused she got she would know she had people around she could count on.
Exactly. My wife has 5 siblings, and for whatever reason, we were the only ones equipped to take care of him. Be it kids at home, so they had no room, or really wacky work schedules, one brother and his wife were house parents at a school for troubled youth, and were at work 24/7 for 2 weeks at a time. I'm just glad we were able to do it.
Condolences, sorry for your loss, JP.
JP I am so sorry for this loss in your family. Please know that I pray that the Lord Jesus provides you and your family with solace and consolation.
My condolences J.P. A Mother's love is one of life's great blessings. So sorry for your loss.
I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. May she rest in peace.