This Is The Most Embarrassing Plane-Pooping Story Ever

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• I was merely chuckling right up until "The person who designed a privacy screen on a tiny airplane toilet that leaves your whole head exposed should be shot. With poop bullets. Because that's such a profoundly terrible, terrible idea."

  • Long time FDH, nice to see ya out and and about.

    [edit] damn, have to reset my internal math clock to read time stamps again, take me a week at least.

• Pretty crappy story .

  I get the same feeling when any of our trolls spout their wisdom . Their wisdom has the same odor , just in case one is wondering .

• OK, I couldn't even finish reading that....

• And people wonder why I don't like flying. Although the flight back from Atlanta one night, with a connecting flight with Air Mexico was plenty weird. When the Mexicans finally boarded the plane, (25 minutes late) they all brought large clear plastic bags filled with boxes of fried chicken. Of course they ate the stuff the entire flight back.

  • At least it wasn't garlic. I sat near a group of Mexicans munching on cloves of raw garlic in a movie theatre once. It was not wonderful.

• My mother worked for Trans Ocean airines in the 1950's at Oakland Airport. Back then the bathrooms on the planes were very small and only for use by the crew (strange but true). On a flight back from Honolulu some horrendously obese guy needed to take a crap. After begging the stewardess that it was an emergency she relented and let him use the head. Well he got stuck in there and nothing would get him out. They left him in there and after everyone deplaned they taxied over to the maintenance hanger and the mechanics had to take the plane apart to get him out. Talk about life's embarrassing moments...

  • Maybe he flushed while still seated. Back then that probably meant a hole opening in the bottom of the plane, which caused depressurization in the toilet, which sucked him down and vacuum sealed him to the seat. Vacuum sealed like a can of Planters Peanuts.

    I'll bet it clears you out better than a coffee enema.

• And I thought my airplane story was bad. For once in my life I got to sit near the front so I got my Coke really early in the flight from D.C. to Reno. I don't know how long that takes but it's a long time to sit in a plane seat. Anyway, I'm pinned three-deep against the window with a fat guy in the middle seat. Two seconds after I get my plastic cup of Coke I reach for it, my elbow hits the window, which knocks my hand into the cup, which ends up face down in my lap. I am immediately, five minutes into a four or five hour flight, sitting in a giant Coke puddle. And when I look up, the drink cart is now blocking my row and needs to slowly methodically travel the whole length of the plane before I can get to the bathroom... but who cares because what am I going to do anyway? Strip naked and run up and down the aisle until I air dry?

  So I sat in the Coke puddle stoically and patiently until I started wondering - being a scientifically natured guy - what nonstop contact with Coke might do to the most important part of my body. After all, everybody knows Coke will dissolve any number of things that don't usually dissolve, including the lining of the stomach, right? "My God, I don't want to be disfigured THERE for the rest for my life!" I thought. Once I started imagining skin grafts and amputations, I started talking to the fat guy and asking him his opinion. Then I brought the stewardess into the conversation. Needless to say, nobody wants to talk about a strange guy's penis on an airplane. People can be very uncaring about such matters.

  It was an awkward flight.

• Along the same lines a Best of Craigslist:

  9.6
  http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/394614542.html

• Somehow, this made me think of My Dear Sweet Olivia. I don't know why.

  • LOL! Does Obloviate still drop in? I think of her every time I see a walking body bag / mobile tent go by.

    • Apparantly, you haven't been paying attention. She's been back for over a week, and the post count has gone up by about 1,000 a week.

      • While the intelligence level, on the average, has dropped quite a few points.

• See what happens when you don't pay attention while the stewardess, excuse me, fight attendant, goes over the emergency evacuation protocols at the beginning of each flight?

  [Just an aside, curious how many times Kick and a few other fellow frequent fliers here have heard it. 1,000? I probably heard it a 100 before I was 21, but then I was an airline brat.

• LOL wow, just think he thought he was on a luxury private flight. I sure wouldn't have wanted to be the guy next to him during his expelling episode.