Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

2010 Democrat election loser Steve Driehaus sues because he lost election. “Charging that its activities contributed to his defeat and thus to his ‘loss of livelihood,’ former Rep. Steve Driehaus (D-OH) is suing the Susan B. Anthony List, a group that supports pro-life candidates for Congress.” We’re going to sue the Democrats because they are making it impossible to write satire anymore.

Elizabeth Warren says she ‘created intellectual foundation’ for Occupy Wall Street movement. Near as we can tell, the “intellectual foundation” for this national bowel movement is “other people got stuff and we want it.” For once, we’d tend to agree with the shrill, grasping hack.

FBI suspected the late Rep. John Murtha (D-PA) in scheme funneling funds to benefit friends, ex-staffers. “…the WaPo and others had documented the odd appearance of earmarks for tiny defense contractors that just happened to open an office in western Pennsylvania and just happened to hire one of the lobbying firms close to Murtha and just happened to begin making campaign donations to Murtha and other Members of Congress close to him.” Another Democrat who did his share to combat greed.

World power swings back to America. “The American phoenix is slowly rising again. Within five years or so, the US will be well on its way to self-sufficiency in fuel and energy. Manufacturing will have closed the labour gap with China in a clutch of key industries. The current account might even be in surplus.” Thanks partially to a foundering socialist Europe that’s the model for Obama’s hallucinations “vision.” If America succeeds, it will be in spite of Obama and the Occu-crats, not because of them.

Obama crony Penny Pritzker called out at OccupyChicago by union speaker. “From the viewpoint of both the right and the left, Penny Pritzker is a snake in the grass. But she’s Obama’s snake.” If Obama was as smart as the media said he was, he’d understand one can’t piss in the wind and expect not to get wet.

New video reveals New York Times Reporter Natasha Lennard Is #OccupyWallStreet Activist, Supporter. Obama-style genius at work: “A newly-discovered video, filmed by OWS supporters themselves, reveals that New York Times reporter Natasha Lennard is not merely covering the protests, but is also apparently taking part in planning and executing them.” All the astroturf that’s fit to print.

OWS camp at Zuccotti Park “like Walmart for rats,’’ says health expert. Health expert Wayne Yon saw at least 15 violations of the city’s health code — the type that would easily shut down a food establishment. Mayor Nanny Bloomberg famously regulates transfat and salt consumption for heatlh reasons, yet he allows a vast pigpen to flourish in Lower Manhattan. What’s wrong with this picture? Nothing! Bloomberg’s a typical liberal politician, this is how they usually act.

Libya’s liberation: interim ruler unveils more radical than expected plans for Islamic law. The word “unexpectedly” is not just for incorrect economic forecasts anymore!

Shootings increase in NYC thanks to OWS protests. NYC shootings up 154% in one week (vs. same week last year) and 28% month over month. High-ranking cops blame OWS protests – police are busy chasing idiots with drums instead of idiots with guns. (Memo to the NY Times: the poor and minorities are hardest hit.)

“The social contract exists so that everyone doesn’t have to squat in the dust holding a spear to protect his woman and his meat all day every day. It does not exist so that the government can take your spear, your meat, and your woman because it knows better what to do with them.” Well, the gubbermint gotta take enough of our spears, meat and women to pay “smart folk” like Obama and Elizabeth Warren because gubbermint is about the things we do together… such as paying “smart folk” like Obama and Elizabeth Warren. What do you mean “that’s circuitous”?

The Queen is coming perilously close to joining millions of her subjects in “fuel poverty” as energy bills for four palaces and a draughty castle absorb a rising share of her income. Seems to us one especially doofus-like member of the Royal Family has been actively promoting Al Gore’s climate con-game, driving up energy costs and abetting “fuel poverty”. To paraphrase a dead white English guy, “The fault lies not in our stars but in our selves – we shoulda used contraception.”

Kinde Durkee fraud case of leaves many California Democrats short of funds as election season looms. They’ve been stealing from the taxpayers for years, it’s good that they get a little taste of how it feels. Some call it fraud, others call it “karma.”

A group claiming responsibility for hacking a Boston Police Dept. website said they support the Occupy Boston movement. “The group claimed they took aim at the Boston Police for their unprovoked brutality.” Barack Alinsky, the Keystone Democrats and the Potemkin media all sympathize with these idiots. Keep repeating that.

OWS protesters occupy Obama crony Jeff Immelt’s front lawn. “GE’s CEO is one of President Obama’s biggest supporters and the current poster-child for crony capitalism. From Chevy Volts, to Obamacare, to selling critical aircraft technologies to Red China, Immelt’s been at the heart of it all.” Even a blind pig finds a truffle sometimes.

Scratch a Democrat, find someone who hates democracy. Rep. Jim Moran (D-VA) says that President Obama should “refinance every home mortgage” without bothering to ask congressional idiots (like himself) in order to “reset the economy.” Why not just burn down the Reichstag and declare emergency powers? It worked once before.

Every night before he goes to sleep, the president of the United States reads 10 letters from the pile of 20,000 sent to him by Americans every day. Sometimes, he writes back. He’s even, on occasion, included a check. “‘It’s not something I should advertise, but it has happened,’ President Barack Obama told reporter Eli Saslow, author of the new book, ‘Ten Letters: The Stories Americans Tell Their President.'” Betcha all of those letters with checks went to cronies like George Kaiser.

Lech Walesa Not Attending #OccupyWallStreet in New York After Discovering Hard-Left Organizers. The mush-mouth media was all goo-goo over the rumor Lech Walesa might endorse OWS. Once Walesa found out who was behind it, he changed his mind. Freedom fighter Lech Walesa has not only seen this crappy kabuki dance before, he lived it.

Defections by Senate Dems hamper Obama’s message on jobs. The Hill says “Democratic defections and a united Republican front are hampering President Obama’s message on the economy” but later on they note “The Republican measure offered on the floor Thursday night won more votes than Obama’s proposal.” The biggest problem with Obama’s message on jobs seems to be Obama’s message on jobs.

An economic recovery bill authored by Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT) directs the federal government to distribute free diapers through day care centers. “The Diaper Investment and Aid to Promote Economic Recovery Act (DIAPER Act) would ‘relieve some of the stress on families facing hardship in this economy’ by providing this direct service, DeLauro said in a letter to colleagues.” A supply of diapers for her head would be helpful, too.

Obama should hire this fellow as an economic advisor. Because this idea will require a fleet of Chevy Volts and drivers to transport the deer to wherever the sign was moved. Jobs!

In the People’s Republic of Zuccotti Park, a self-appointed ruling class has arisen and not all of the proletariat are enamored with it. “The drummers claim that the finance working group even levied a percussion tax of sorts, taking up to half of the $150-300 a day that the drum circle was receiving in tips.” Sounds like OWS is about to get its own Tea Party. The movement’s unelected self-appointed “leaders” are pushing the rest around, taking their money and making the protestors’ lives miserable. Now maybe they can start to understand what the rest of us are pissed off about.

Oakland, citing fire hazards, sanitation issues, rat and graffiti problems, violence, assaults, threats, etc, has ordered “Occupy” to vacate the plaza they’ve been squatting on. No word on when police would move in to enforce the order. “I don’t expect any violence” if police raid the camp, one protestor said, “but I don’t expect it to be easy.” Nothing worth doing ever is.

President Obama at war with himself over Wall Street. Politico notices Obama’s OWS flip-flops (as opposed to his ongoing 3-year flop.) President Obama at war with himself? We hope he crushes his opponent. At least, for once he’s not at war with us.

Lower Manhattan residents in vicinity of Zuccotti Park are infuriated with the OWS protestors.“They are defecating on our doorsteps,” fumed one. “The protesters taunt people who are on their way to work,” said another. Pooping in the streets, taunting people who actually work for a living, milling around banging drums and making a racket all night long… Obama embraces this and why not? It’s what he used to do in his “job” as a community organizer.

Pamphlet produced by Occupy Baltimore discourages sexual assault victims from reporting incidents to police. Victims “are encouraged to immediately report the incident to the Security Committee,” which will investigate and “supply the abuser with counseling resources.” So if you have a few million bucks, they want to hang you but if you rape somebody, you get “counselling.” They sure sound like far left Democrats to us.