CALPERS earns dismal 1 percent on investments. Why is this important? CALPERS return “was well below its projected return of 7.5 percent for the fiscal year that ended June 30…” and “The investment returns are critical because taxpayers are on the hook for the difference if the pension funds fail to meet their performance targets.” Hey, the bullet train is gonna save California just like Army Detachment Steiner saved Berlin from the Soviets.

Barack Obama, the Great Demotivator. “Inspired by President Barack Hussein Obama’s address on July 13, 2012.” Works for us… make that, doesn’t work for us.

Star of Pro-Obama Super PAC ad unleashed: “Obama is a jerk, a pantywaist, a lightweight, a blowhard.” “I could really care less about Obama,” Donnie Box says. “… He doesn’t have the guts to say what’s on his mind.” What’s on his mind, Donnie, is the wind whistlin’ in the trees – Obama doesn’t need guts to speak his mind, he just needs to learn to pronouce “Whooosh!”

Choices matter in avoiding poverty. Yeah, but who cares about avoiding poverty? We’ve got elections to win.

36 Obama aides owe $833,000 in back taxes. Well, they are only for the little people…

Obama’s plan for a second term? More “investing.” Because it’s worked so effing well the last four years? No, because if this clown gets reelected, he’ll owe even MORE to his big donors this time than last. Crony. Capitalism.

PETA balks at SF plan to pay panhandlers $75/wk to care for shelter puppies. Regardless of any pros and cons here, the economics don’t make sense; we’ve heard that panhandlers get much more than $75 a week by panhandling.

Penn State covered up Sandusky, was their ClimateGate investigation of Michael Mann more reliable? “We saw what the university administration was willing to do to cover up heinous crimes, and even let them continue, rather than expose them. Should we suppose, in light of what we now know, they would do any less to hide academic and scientific misconduct, with so much at stake?” As Led Zeppelin said, “Mmmmm, an’ it makes me wonder…”

Naked man crashes car into Dallas mall, tries on clothes. Both this guy and the emperor are naked, but at least one of them figured it out. Got to change into something we can believe in.

Extreme drought hits much of US; 1000 counties in 26 states named “disaster areas.” “…the USDA still expects the third biggest corn harvest ever. If the drought in Iowa worsens, that is not going to happen.” Something else the economy doesn’t need.

FTC: Healthcare ruling is prompting scams. Scam artists contact consumers, “say they’re from the government” and use the Affordable Care Act as a hook to verify information, according to an FTC alert. In other words, Obamacare is the mother of all scams.

Sodomy “For the sake of Islam.” “Not only did the original ‘underwear bomber’ Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri hide explosives in his rectum to assassinate Saudi Prince Muhammad bin Nayef … but this ‘holy-warrior’ apparently had fellow jihadists repeatedly sodomize him to ‘widen’ his anus to fit the explosives—and all in accordance with the fatwas of Islamic clerics.” Sounds like this fellow is really broad, er, minded.

How my Chevy Volt almost got me seriously injured (or killed.) Driver was attempting a left turn across 2 lanes of oncoming traffic: “Once it was [clear], I hit the gas to complete my turn…and the car stopped going mid-turn. The cars that were coming towards me slammed on their brakes… This all happened without warning from the Volt. No check engine light or chime alerted me that anything was wrong.” Aside from that, wasn’t it a great play, Mrs. Lincoln?

Obama: My biggest problem was not telling American people enough stories. You see, he’s sure he got the policy part right but his failing was not explaining it all to us well enough (those 3 million or so prime time speeches just didn’t do the trick, apparently.) Heck, we thought his biggest problem was being too modest about the great job he is doing. Well, here’s proof that more stories woulda made a difference…

Top Obama fundraiser explodes over campaign’s Class Warfare. “What I get concerned about is the message from the Obama campaign that we only want someone who has not been successful to run for president. What do we want here? You can’t be successful and run the country? We don’t want somebody who has been successful to run it? That doesn’t make sense,” Peebles said. Obviously, Obama doesn’t think making sense is very important…

Tree-rings prove climate was WARMER in Roman and Medieval times than it is now – and world has been cooling for 2,000 years. Hide the decline!

Cost of ObamaCare rises with each new estimate. Good job “bending the cost curve down”, zippy.

NYC asking developers to test tiny apartments. “City planners envision a future in which the young, the cash-poor and empty nesters flock to such small dwellings – each not much bigger than a dorm room.” NYC’s looking at 300 sq ft but SF developers want to go as low as 150. New Yorkers, don’t throw out your shoe boxes, you soon may be able to rent them out.

Obama bill-paying hoax sweeps up victims nationwide. “…the bogus ‘Obama program’ appears to be an identity theft scam. According to news reports, uniformed con men with clipboards went door to door in a handful of states, signing people up by collecting Social Security numbers and then giving them phony bank routing numbers to use to pay their bills.” Well, (con) art imitates life…

Americans’ confidence in Television News drops to new low. We hate the media.

ObamaCare driving away doctors? A sample from the recent Doctor Patient Medical Association poll: 83% say they are thinking about QUITTING, 65% say GOVERNMENT INVOLVEMENT is most to blame for current problems, 70% say REDUCING GOVERNMENT would be single best fix. On the other hand in Obamacare’s defense, Mitt Romney is rich and… LOOK, SQUIRRELS!

Calls to destroy Egypt’s Great Pyramids begin. “According to several reports in the Arabic media, prominent Muslim clerics have begun to call for the demolition of Egypt’s Great Pyramids—or, in the words of Saudi Sheikh Ali bin Said al-Rabi‘i, those ‘symbols of paganism’…” Well, who needs tourism, they have so many other economic assets to replace it.

Scranton, PA is effectively bankrupt. “Scranton, PA’s, the state’s sixth-most-populous city (population of 76,089 in 2010 census), is down to its last $5,000 and has no way to pay salaries. The mayor wants an immediate tax hike of 29% and 78% over three years. In every sense of the word, Scranton is bankrupt.” Joe Biden’s home town… metaphor alert!

China is on the cusp of a deflationary vortex. “”While an economy-wide generalized deflation is yet to be seen, the deflationary spiral looks to have started in some industrial sectors, attesting to considerable stress with the economy.” “All engines of the global economy are sputtering at the same time.” This is not good news but it will be Bush’s fault.

Obama’s only chance is character assassination. Pundits like Bill Kristol, think that Obama’s high-40s poll readings mean Romney’s campaign is failing. Not true, the election is a referendum on Obama, not an Obama-Romney choice as the media would prefer. Also remember most polls had Carter-Reagan “too close to call” going into the last weekend in 1980 – you know how that turned out. Voters are looking for a reason to vote NObama; what one seeks, one usually finds. It’s waaaay too early for this guy…