Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

Ireland to erect monument to mass murderer Che. That ought to do wonders for the pigeon breeding industry.

Shepard Fairey, the fellow who came up with those HOPE and CHANGE posters, lied in court about using an Associated Press photograph. The AP claimed Fairey used one of its photographs in creating the posters. Mr. Fairey sued, claiming he had used a different photograph, but later admitted that he had been mistaken and had tried to conceal his mistake by altering evidence. Nothing about these clowns is what it seems, not even their stinking posters.

A top Iranian military commander said that only burning the White House and hanging US commanders could remedy the pain caused to Muslims by the burning of Korans. We’ll take that as an “apology not accepted” then.

Scientists taught monkeys the concept of money. Not long after, the first prostitute monkey appeared. Not long after that, the first monkey politicians appeared. Not long after that, the monkey economy suffered its first depression.

Solyndra’s abrupt closure threatens to leave behind an environmental mess. “In one picture, two large blue drums are filled with a black substance with no secure lids and covered instead with clear plastic wrap. Another photograph shows a yellow drum about the size of a large garbage can containing a yellow-brown gooey substance.” Not clean and green but dirty and yellow. No problem, the MSM’s memory hole is big enough to dump all this stuff into.

The “Peak Oil” concept is dead, so say the commodities team at Citigroup, and policy-makers would be wise to examine the trends they’ve identified. To find oil, ya gotta actually look for it. Who knew?

CA Dems push pension plan for nongovernment workers.“Senate Bill 1234, written by Sen. Kevin de León would require businesses with five or more employees to enroll them in a defined benefit program or to offer an alternative employer-sponsored plan.” Subtitled the “How to get businesses with 5 employees to fire one of them” bill.

Barack Obama 2008 ad on Gas Prices. “We’ll ‘invest’ in alternative energy, create jobs and free ourselves from foreign oil.” One outta three is great in baseball (he “invested” lots in his cronies’ alternative energy ratholes) but now that we are looking back nostalgically at the $3.50 gas price he sneered at, we can see Barry’s game plan has been nothing but strikeouts.

Gibson Guitars still faces no charges, months after raid. “They’re guilty. Of nothing.” Oh, we wouldn’t say that – they’ve obviously displeased his majesty, King Putts, in some fashion or other. Off with their heads!

Pelosi 2008: Bush to Blame for High Gas Prices; Pelosi 2012: Wall Street to Blame for High Gas Prices. Remember 10 years ago when the Democrats said it would take 10 years for new oil drilling activity to have any effect on gas prices? Nancy doesn’t.

Biden: “Americans are tired of being tired.” “It’s clear that the American people have decided it’s time to get up. They’re tired of being told that we’re in a long, slow drift.” An the best way to cope with that is to sit listening to a human sleeping pill, as the fellow in the video will attest.

Judge tosses charge against Muslim who allegedly attacked atheist for mocking Mohammed. An atheist in a Mohammed costume marching in a parade says he was attacked by a Muslim (see below) and the judge, a Muslim convert, dismissed the charge for “lack of evidence” and then lectured the victim, “But, see, Islam is not just a religion, it’s their culture, their culture.” Guess the atheists better stick to mocking religions that don’t have their own judges.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yP-X3hpCfR8

Obama gives another sweetheart deal to his cronies at GE. There’s no need for Kansas City Southern railroad (KSU) to go to capital markets for financing when it can tap the U.S. government for a “sweetheart deal” for 30 new GE locomotives. “This is not an industrial policy. It’s crony capitalism of the very worst kind.” Also a big wet kiss to GE for buying Volts.

Geithner: rich need to pay more taxes for “privilege of being an American.” Translation:we gotta raise taxes ’cause Obama’s gonna lose the election if we try to cut spending. Timmy oughta know better than anyone that raising taxes doesn’t mean you’re gonna get more revenue ’cause wealthy people find ways to avoid taxes, such as hitting the wrong key on Turbo Tax or docking their yachts in low tax states.

Nevada legalizes self-driving cars. Starting on March 1st. This technology could lead to countries that drive themselves into the ground, which would allow Obama to spend all his time golfing.

UK Minister praises plan to heat swimming pool from fires of crematorium. The board said your illness really isn’t untreatable, it’s just that the pool has been kinda chilly recently.

Ode on a Grecian burn: bureaucracy-crazy Greece requires enteprenuers to provide chest X-rays and stool samples to open an online store! It’s not that Greece is bankrupt, the amazing thing is that it didn’t go bankrupt long ago. Coming soon to an Obamaland near you?

Poll: Carter 63%, Reagan 32%. That’s what one poll said in January 1980 and we know how that worked out. Just a reminder: don’t get bummed out by polls showing Obama ahead of everybody by a few points. Early national polls are about as successful as a gubbermint-funded solar panel business. The only poll that matters is on November 6.

“The pitchforks will come out” if DC doesn’t change, “American Gridlock” author says. Woody Brock is calling for a return to real capitalism instead of the crony-phony crapitalism of today. Hey, Obama once said he was the only thing holding off the pitchforks, so that means he’s for obstructing real change, doesn’t it? Well, actions do speak louder than words….

Germany discovers solar energy’s design flaw: no sunshine, no power. “Solar farm operators and homeowners with solar panels on their roofs collected more than €8 billion ($10.2 billion) in subsidies in 2011, but the electricity they generated made up only about 3 percent of the total power supply, and that at unpredictable times.” Well, we can fix that – anybody got a really big candle?

President Barack Obama sent President Karzai a letter to apologize for the incident in which copies of the Holy Quran were burnt in Bagram military base. Hey, he shoulda just passed the buck to their health insurance companies like he does when he insults a religion over here.

Hillary Clinton is now secretary of “job creation”. SoS Clinton invited U.S. companies to call on State Dept “experts” for help on exports, intellectual property and investment issues, part of a new administration effort to promote domestic jobs. Yep, politicians will do anything to create jobs except the thing that will actually create jobs, getting themselves the hell out of the way of businesses that create jobs.

Gasoline prices are not rising, the dollar is falling. Welcome back, Carter! All that money-printing Helicopter Ben has been doing is having an effect: stagflation. “Right now, the threat posed by rising gasoline prices is not just to family budgets. An even greater danger is that the government will use escalating oil prices as an excuse to do something stupid.” They don’t need a stinking excuse.

Is Harrisburg’s nightmare America’s future? Politicians should be required by law to use the George Costanza method of decision making: take whatever one’s first impulse is and do the exact opposite. Especially when there’s money involved.

Former DNC chair ED Rendell is teaming with a NJ Dem Party boss and others to purchase the Philadelphia Inquirer. Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free? Hamburgers.