Author: CO2Insanity

POLL: OBAMA MILLENNIALS WANT TO LEAVE THE AMERICA THEY CREATED. Like baby birds who shit all over their nest, then fly away.

Man Applies for Marriage License to Have Two Wives. Didn’t take very long did it?

DOLPHIN LEAPS ONTO BOAT, INJURING CALIFORNIA WOMAN. We have to ask where’s National Geographic to blame this on global warming? You just know that dolphin lept out of the water because it was so damn hot. Boiled sushi anyone?

Dozens of Hillary Emails Classified. Funny, they weren’t classified yesterday. Evidently doing stupid shit like not being able to figure out how to use a 1970’s tech fax machine is top secret.

About That ‘3 A.M. Phone Call,’ Turns Out Obama and Hillary Had One the Night of Benghazi Attack… With all the redacting of emails going on lately the felt pen companies must be declaring dividends.

ENCYCLICAL GHOSTWRITER: POPE FRANCIS ‘DID NOT INTEND TO CANONIZE’ SCIENTIFIC THEORIES. He must have just been trying to legitimize Pope Gore of the Church of Climatology.

“The Church has no competence on the technical and scientific level,” he said, “but rather on the anthropological and ethical levels that relate to scientific phenomenology.”

Iowa: Walker 18, Trump 10, Carson 10, Paul 9, Cruz 9. Oh Jeb? Jeb? Where are you Jeb?

TV Land Pulls “The Dukes of Hazzard.” General Lee to be edited out and replaced with the below car so as to not offend anyone.

FBI investigating 11 attacks on San Francisco-area Internet lines. If we’re not around this is why. We got cut off last night and the night before around 10 PM PST.

Chicago Public Schools lays off 1,400 so it can make pension payment. Chicago, the Athens of the West.

Smartest women ever hears about cabinet meeting on the radio. We now wonder of someone had to turn on the radio for her?

https://twitter.com/RosieGray/status/616054501640810496

Hillary can’t use a fax but wants to be President. Imagine when she gets that 3 AM phone call? Oh wait, we already know the result of that one.

Pigs really CAN fly: United Airlines flights could soon run on non-edible ANIMAL fats, farm waste and household rubbish. So are Muslims going to get offended and stop this? If not, will they fly on it? What’s the call sign going to be? This is Flight French Fry 411 requesting permission to taxi. Perhaps they’ll have Halal flights with no pork fat running the engines?

Greece Defaults. First developed country to default. “Falling into arrears,” something the Greeks do well.

Donald Trump Sues Univision for $500 Million. Trump should just buy it and fire everyone.

New York Is Business-Friendly: Mexican Sinoloa Cartel Offers FREE Meth in NY. Here they go again, trying to steal business from New Jersey.

Obama proposes major overtime pay expansion, amid GOP resistance. Yep, we agree that this will put a lot of people on part time. More smart economics.

Amid Puerto Rico debt woes, reality hits San Juan streets. The Greece of the Caribbean. So nobody’s making money so the libtardos raise the sales tax to 11.5%. That should really attract tourism. Not!

Illinois 24 hours away from government shutdown. The result of Democrat delusionsists spending money they don’t have who will no doubt lay the blame at the feet of the Republican governor.

‘Things Just Got Violent’: Dueling Confederate Flag Protests Outside S.C. Statehouse Nearly Plunge Area Into Chaos. The race-baiters, hate-mongers and fear-mongers are smiling now.

Voting-Rights Advocates Get Win at Supreme Court. I don’t got to show you no stinkn’ citizenship papers.

Trump: NBC ‘stands behind Brian Williams,’ not people who tell it ‘like it is.’ Sorry, NBC only deals in illusion.

Greece Crisis: Banks Shut For Week, Restrictions Imposed on ATMs. $60 Euro per day limit on ATM withdrawals ($67.00). Bend forward.

Trooper had the law on his side when he shot unarmed escapee. Good thing Sweat isn’t black or Sharpton and Obama would be stirring it up.

This Group of Americans Just BANNED Gay Marriage Forever. We wonder how Fauxchahontas feels about this?