Author: J.P. Travis

Bad Santa. A Santa Claus in North Carolina told a tubby nine-year-old to “lay off the hamburgers and French fries.” The boy’s mother wants Santa fired for “fat-shaming.”

Forensic doctors in Denmark tested 800 Muslim asylum seekers claiming to be children. 600 of them turned out to be adults.

France makes pro-life speech against the law. The forces of evil keep boxing us in, tighter and tighter.

How bad is the U.S. election system? 392 of 662 precincts in Detroit may not be able to participate in the statewide recount because the number of ballots in their poll books did not match those of voting machine printout reports. That’s 59%.

Florida voters sue for recount. This is the price we pay for raising generation after generation of spoiled whiny babies.

Kaepernick and 49ers versus Chicago Bears. After a dismal performance during which the SF quarterback had more sacks (5) than passing yards (4), Kaepernick was benched yesterday. Probably permanently. Meanwhile, the not-so-good Bears (3–9) ended up blowing out the dismal 49ers (1–11) by a score of 26–6.

Obama administration denies final permit for Dakota Access pipeline. Most of the pipeline is already complete, and regulators and courts already gave their approval but a few whacko environmentalists along with some shipped-in Indians from other states were protesting… so of course Obama chickens out and puts another pipeline into bureaucratic purgatory.

Bank of England will change currency to make vegans happy. Seems there is a bit of tallow used in the manufacture of pound notes, and the vegans and vegetarians find that appalling. No word on how the lacto-vegetarians, ovo-vegetarians, lacto-ovo-vegetarians, semi-vegetarians, demi-vegetarians, pollo-vegetarians, raw vegans, Paleo vegans, and pescetarians feel but presumably they are in various stages of being appalled also.

Bergdahl thanks Obama and requests pardon. He hasn’t even been tried yet but apparently he sees the writing on the wall.

Recently deceased beloved (by liberals) revolutionary leader of Communist Republic of Cuba, where per capita income is about 10% of ours and many people are starving, leaves $900 million personal fortune to his family. Funny how that happens.

Chris Christie: when a fat man falls, he falls hard. First he wanted to be president but it didn’t work out for him. Then he was briefly in charge of Trump’s transition but got fired. Then he was hoping to be Attorney General but “Uh uh,” said Trump. Finally, he was willing to settle for being head of the RNC but apparently Trump has other ideas there, too.

Canadian economist: “We are so screwed.”

“This is like Godzilla Trump versus Bambi Trudeau.”

Poetic justice in the NFL. The back story: Colin Kaepernick, the America-bashing dipshit who kneels during the national anthem, arrived in Miami for yesterday’s game wearing a Fidel Castro T-shirt and was argumentative with the press about defending the mass-murdering thug. The story: on the last play of the game, as Kaepernick was headed for the endzone with a chance to tie the game, he was held up by one Dolphin and then utterly flattened by the son of a Cuban immigrant to end the game… the icing on the cake for about two million Cuban-Americans who had a very good Thanksgiving weekend.

British regulators ban television ad for Heinz Beans. Nanny state bureaucrats thought the sight of people using empty Heinz Beans cans as percussion instruments might encourage people to copy the activity and cut themselves on a jagged edge.

Another Obama first: a drag queen performance in the White House. Between the rap stars, the child molesters, and the drag queens, they will need to fumigate that place when the Obamas move out.

CNN’s Boston channel accidentally broadcast 30 minutes of porn last night. Both viewers found the incident amusing.

America’s first experiment with communism.

“By this time harvest was come, and in stead of famine now God gave them plenty, and ye face of things was changed, to ye rejoicing of ye hearts of many, for which they blessed God.”

Jill Stein filing for recount in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin. Because, you know, she came this close to winning the presidency.

NASA peer-reviewed paper: EM drive works! For you science dilettantes, a bizarre, exciting, and controversial conclusion that suggests we do not have a proper understanding of the physical design of our universe. Cool stuff.

Twitter censored Trump campaign. Very interesting read. Apparently it was Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey doing the censoring and it cost his company millions of dollars because the frustrated Trump campaign eventually pulled all its Twitter ads.

India leads world in number of killfies. Since March of 2014, 127 people worldwide have died taking a selfie. 76 of those people were in India. We have no explanation. But we do regret one particular missed opportunity.

Anguished by Trump election, Lena Dunham talking to rocks in Arizona. She’s on a spirit quest at a high-end resort trying to overcome her anxiety about the election results and here’s how IHTM views it: every minute she spends talking to rocks is one less minute she’s talking to us.

With Trump as president, what will happen to Elon Musk? If Trump meant what he said about “draining the swamp” then Musk, possibly the biggest crony capitalist in American history, is toast. But Trump is a crony capitalist himself so… who knows?

Television network says Trump was born in Pakistan and adopted by Trump family. They even have an old photo of a little orange-haired boy as evidence.

Treasury Dept. says federal deficit for 2016 was $587 billion but… the official national debt grew by $1.4 trillion. Just one more way the government lies to us.