Cheesepocalypse!

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Cheesepocalypse! America is running short of Velveeta just as the Super Bowl approaches. This is the kind of national disaster that puts the whole Global Warming thing into perspective, ya know?

J.P. Travis: Born and raised in Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1976 graduate of University of Michigan, father, grandfather, husband, founder and CEO of Travelyn Publishing (http://www.travelynpublishing.com/), and passionate anti-government believer in individual liberty.

View Comments (74)

  • "America is running short of Velveeta" and the panic in trailer parks across the country reaches an epic level.

      • I don't think you can make a cheese head out of Velveeta - it will just run down the side of your face.

        • Perhaps not during this period of Global Cooling....Mmmmm frozen Velveeta..now there is a lovely thought. I bet it would break a window like a brick if you threw it...

        • HAHAHAHAAHAHA, I saw that a few years ago, when Denver played the Pack in the SB. One of my 'financially comfy' friends threw a SB party, had a chees-head couple show up. Old goats with the stupid cheese on their heads, at halftime I asked the wifey why she took off her cheese, was it melting? MUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAA

  • C02Insanity's Dictionary: Velveeta. A frequent name of middle-aged single women that live in trailer parks and wear beehive hairdo's, spandex pants and tube tops.

  • A dip made in a crock pot using Velveeta, Rotel and ground beef or sausage is a staple in the South during get togethers. Great with tortilla chips.

  • My comment from the original Yahoo story.

    "Well, I guess you COULD just eat some REAL cheese. Never though of that, DID you?"

    I wouldn't eat that crap on a bet. I like cheese. That's cheese FOOD. In other words, what you feed to cheese?

  • Is someone trying to increase market share just before the most watched television spectacle of the year occurs? And what would happen if we were to run out of pizzas? Riots and Martial Law maybe?

  • Mmm, congealed processed yellow cheese flavored grease. Sorry, I'm not feeling the urge to stockpile.

    • Years ago Johnny Carson joked about a toilet paper shortage during a Tonight Show Monologue, they next day there was one..people panicked and bought it all out....I seriously doubt Velveeta is in such high demand...I refuse to eat that stuff. Yea it might taste like cheese but it looks like..well never mind...

        • If the ladies had been more frugal and only used 1 or 2 sections, like Sheryl Crow, we wouldn't have had that crisis!

          • Since I do all the cooking, it won't matter to me.
            I just would like to meet a woman that uses less than a roll of TP a day, and I mean Scott 1,000 sheet rolls!

          • Sheryl Crow is giving out t/p recommendations? I missed that. However we do have a cat that likes to unroll the t/p for everyone, all the way down the hall so you could grab one or two sheets on the way in I guess...

          • You're talking about the Polish wipe, but you're a little off. The Polish wipe is where you use one square of toilet paper, stick your middle finger through the center of it, wipe your butt with the finger, then use the toilet paper to clean your finger. Very quick, very frugal, and that's why the kielbasa is so delicious.

          • That kinda gives a whole new meaning to finger lickin' good doesn't it...for liberals that is...

          • Oh yeah, she was waxing self-righteous about the danger of Global Warming and what we could do as individuals to save the planet.

          • WTF does toilet paper have to do with global warming? Next she will be saying the cheesepocalypse is caused by the melting polar ice caps....WE could save the planet if we could get rid of hollyweird and the associated territory....I guess I need to go to your site more often....:) see what I can learn?

          • Gosh, I'm so sick of having to explain things to Global Warming skeptics. If you use only one square of toilet paper then you will use less toilet paper so fewer trees will have to be cut down so more carbon will remain sequestered. Got it? Now be a good citizen of Gaia and go tell your wife she can only use one square from now on. I'll wait here.

          • I will not repeat what she just said to me about your comment...but it has to do with doing something to your self that is physically impossible..

        • I remember..My mind is full of useless facts and trivia....nothing else seems to stick.....

          • I remember going to " La Grocery" with my mother, and her being absurdly upset, not only was there a t/p shortage, but her FAV yellow t/p was not to be found. I always HATED that effing yellow t/p! I was soooo glad when they stopped making the colors.

          • My mom also like the colored t/p..light blue for her powder room...while in the other bathroom was some white stuff that would take paint off wood....

          • I was totally cool with the blue and the pink, even the green, however the yellow was just UNACCEPTABLE!

      • So, surprise surprise, I used to get something called the Nutrition Action Newsletter back in the days when I still subscribed to hardcopy periodicals, and one issue was about cheese. Guess what: when they were done testing cheeses they reluctantly concluded that Velveeta was better for you than most regular cheeses. So how about that?

        • I sill don't trust it.....It's like a democrat, a big yellow lump of wiggly stuff that smells like cheese..

  • Aggh! I thought I felt a powerful disturbance in The Force, there.

    Was it just last year there was an Eggo shortage, and there was concern Kellogg's might even have to tap into the National Strategic Waffle Reserve?

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