I HATE THE MEDIA ™

Friday’s Cable Ratings Show Sharpton Is at the Bottom. It looks like MSNBC’s viewers are racist.

Mother Appalled at What Her High School Son’s Quiz Said About Conservatives/Republicans. Welcome to Indoctrination 101.

Cops Find Sleeping Family in Car… The Media REFUSES to Report What Happened Next. Good cops = box of doughnuts.

BRIAN WILLIAMS PLUMMETS FROM 23RD TO 835TH ON TRUSTWORTHY INDEX. Went down like a chopper hit by an RPG.

Congresswomen who champion income equality are accused of hypocrisy for attending Grammys with wealthy Hollywood elite. Income equality is only for the peasants.

Snow sets historic records in Boston. Do not believe your eyes or the goosebumps on your skin Bostonians! According to lying scientists it’s 85 today and you should be wearing swimsuits!

Just when you thought MSNBC could not get stupider. Melissa Harris-Perry asks Attorney General Eric Holder to quack like a duck.

I, Robot: the war begins. In South Korea, for the first time in recorded history and in flagrant defiance of Issac Asimov’s First Law of Robotics—“A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm”—a robot with artificial intelligence has attacked a human being.

Turkish proverb: “A woman for duty, a boy for pleasure, but a melon for ecstasy.” Berkeley is offering a new lecture titled “Queering Agriculture.” Maybe the course description will help you understand what it’s about:

“This talk highlights vital ways queering and trans-ing ideas and practices of agriculture are necessary for more sustainable, sovereign, and equitable food systems for the creatures and systems involved in systemic reproductions that feed humans and other creatures.”

Okay, maybe not.

Sam Smith conquers Grammys with four top awards Look man, we’re sorry you sound like a constipated Michael McDonald in a Morrissey wig. But that’s no reason to go off and screw up a perfectly good Tom Petty song.

Fed fires back at Rand Paul

“Who in their right mind would ask the Congress of the United States — who can’t cobble together a fiscal policy — to assume control of monetary policy?” Richard Fisher, president of the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas, said during an interview with The Hill.

Nice try Fed guy. But as things are now monetary policy is driving fiscal policy. Congress is only overspending what the Federal Reserve over printed.

GLOBAL WARMING: SO DISHONEST IT MAKES ENRON LOOK LIKE A PARAGON OF INTEGRITY. Even Ponzi is laughing at this one.

University of California Students Vote to Divest…From America. We suggest that the Federal and state government immediately call all student loans, prohibit all new student loans, stop all grants, remoke their citizenship’s and load them on a one-way boat to Venezuela.

Gay Marriage Cleared by U.S. High Court to Start in Alabama. Bubba, you sure got a purty mouth.

Three women dressed as dominatrix cops engineer mass prison break. They asked the three prison wardens if they wanted to party and how could they say no? You can’t say no to a dominatrix, right? Later, the wardens were found naked and handcuffed. The inmates were all gone.

Schwarzenegger Calls for More Effort to Fight Climate Change. Wanna bet who flew to Munich and back on his carbon spewing private jet?

Another tall tale? Brian Williams’ alleged encounter with Christmas bandit. Perhaps next we’ll hear how the Ginch stole his Christmas.

Brian Williams Has ‘Misremembered’ Plenty Of Events According To These 11 Hilarious Internet Memes. 

Gun-grabbing Bloomberg: Minorities can’t handle guns, so disarm everybody. Nanny Bloomberg’s racism rears its ugly head.

Brian Williams to take himself off air for ‘several days.’ Needs time to come up with better lame excuse?

Would you believe I was on the Dumbo ride and Disneyland and it broke down?

Woman beats best friend to death with crock pot… over “presidential politics.” Crackpot crock pot assailant Tewana Sullivan isn’t saying which of the two women was pro-Obama but since she is black and a lifelong resident of Detroit while the woman she killed is a white woman from Tennessee, and given the Democrat penchant for violence, we can guess.

Yes, Even Al-Qaeda Condemns ISIS ‘Deviance’ After Jordanian Pilot-Burning. Something Obama tries to justify by going back to medieval times.

Latest Brian Williams Lie: I Got the Runs Drinking Katrina Water. Brian, are you sure it wan’t those Vienna sausages?

[VIDEO] 10 Photos and 1 Video of King Abdullah II of Jordan Being a Total Bad*ss. Below a comparison of King Abdullah vs. Obama. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Night Manager Did What He Believed Was the Right Thing When a Shoplifter Tried to Leave His Walmart. Now He’s Out of a Job. Attention Walmart shoplifters! Attention Walmart shoplifters! Steal whatever you want!