I HATE THE MEDIA ™

Bradley Manning wants to live as a woman now. Everybody is supposed to call him “Chelsea” and his lawyer wants the prison at Fort Leavenworth to pay his sex change expenses. No big deal. The other inmates will probably take care of it for free.

WTH? California Elementary School Ends Kneeling Before the Principal Policy. Class, kneel for Principal Jesus. All rise.

NSA collected thousands of online communications by Americans. Smile! You’re on Candid Computer!

Oregon to “rehabilitate” businesses opposed to gay marriage. See, they don’t want to destroy you. They simply want your thoughts conforming to what the gay mafia deems acceptable. Denounce your former beliefs and they will leave you be. They aren’t evil people, don’t you get it? They’re people involved in a revolution – a Cultural Revolution.

Million Muslim March versus 2 Million Bikers to DC. This should be interesting. A Facebook page is suggesting American bikers ride to Washington, D.C., on 9/11 to greet the Muslims and make them feel welcome.

Early hatchet job suggests Ted Cruz might be a contender. Given how difficult it is for the brainless nitwits at The Daily Beast to string coherent words together, the fact that one of them wasted precious grey matter on this particularly juvenile attack piece – Cruz wore a paisley robe in college! Egad! – means the senator from Texas scares them poopless.

Russia blocks Greenpeace ship from entering Arctic waters. About time someone stood up to these dildos. As an aside, shouldn’t Greenpeace be using a sailboat with no engine that uses solar power for electricity? Just askin’!

MSNBC’s Reid: Gun-Control Opposition is ‘Neo-Confederate’: In this brief clip Joy Reid demonstrates a profound misunderstanding of federalism as well as the 10th and 14th Amendments and their role concerning incorporation. But we’re sure she is every bit the Constitutional expert that Obama is.

http://youtu.be/BZl5lYrd1uw

Clinton Foundation spent $50 million on travel expenses. Is this really a charity, then, or a giant slush fund for Bill’s never ending good times tour? Answer: it depends on the meaning of “is.”

Scalia: High court shouldn’t ‘invent new minorities that get special protections’: The promise of America is that no groups, whether in the minority or in the majority, would receive special protections. All men were created equal and the law would regard them as such. But apparently that isn’t good enough for the proglodytes. And so they are forging a new, and arbitrary, aristocracy instead.

Nannyism epidemic crosses the Hudson River. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie signed into law today a bill banning conversion therapy for gay teenagers who want to be straight. Big Nanny (Bloomberg will henceforth be known as Little Nanny) said during the signing ceremony that people are born gay and homosexuality is not a sin… apparently Barack Obama whispered that info into his ear.

Impeach Obama protestors arrested for… well, just because. Now we know where that rodeo clown went after he was banned for life. His name is Jenkins and he’s working for the Missouri Highway Patrol.

City of Detroit opens a new water park… with no water in it. The ancient water main leading to the park burst so they held the grand opening with no water. It’s already the middle of August – when will they get water for the water park? October? More importantly: why is a bankrupt city going into the water park business?

In the Common Core curriculum that answer is okay. As long as a kid can explain how he got there, they don’t care whether his final answer makes a lick of sense. It’s about appearing to make an effort and having your heart in the right place. So pretty soon all our kids will be liberals.

Chinese zoo caught passing off a dog as a lion. The jig was up when the lion started barking. This is why we don’t buy anything that says, “Made in China” – if they will charge admission to see a Tibetan Mastiff in a lion cage, can you really trust their farm-raised catfish?

What’s more fun than looking at old Global Warming predictions? This one is from 2007, predicting summer Arctic sea ice would be gone by 2013. Al Gore cited this study in his Nobel Prize acceptance speech. And that picture above? That’s Arctic sea ice last week… with the earliest re-freeze in recorded history suggesting summer is over.

Fifty-year increase in Canadian taxes = 1,787%. When you see it in black and white like this, it shocks you.

More from WaPo’s bombshell: Feinstein didn’t know about NSA’s audit of privacy violations. You have to approve them spying on everyone before you figure out what the hell is going on.

Muslim group blasted for planning mass demonstration on Sept. 11. What a great day for a 10.0 earthquake in Washington, DC.

Atlanta breaks a century-old temperature record. Egad! We’re all going to burn up! It’s global warming! Errr, global warm-cooling?

Weiner dipping into the office pool? The more we learn about this guy, the skeevier he gets.

Shades of Jimmy Carter. Carter installed solar panels at the White House. Reagan tore the useless-though-expensive eyesores down. Now Barack Obama, determined to make his reign as president more hapless and futile than Carter’s, will be reinstalling solar panels atop the White House. Oh, what better friend could an Arabian oil potentate have!

National debt remains exactly the same for three months. Strangely, this is happening even though the federal government continues to run deficits. The current official debt of $16,699,396,000,000 is just $25 million less than the legal limit, so it’s a fortuitous statistical anomaly indeed. Cynical louts might suspect the U.S. Treasury of lying, but here at IHTM we trust our government implicitly.

Iranian politician ruled too pretty to hold office. We have the same problem here in the U.S. with Hillary Clinton. Only the opposite.

JESSE JACKSON JR. TO GRAB $8,700 PER MONTH IN DISABILITY, PLUS PENSION IN PRISON. Hey! We have mood disorder! Thanks to Obama we’re constantly pissed off! Please advise where we can get our $8,700 a month checks!