Author: A. Smithee

Ex-Staffer Files Lurid Harassment Complaint Against Jesse Jackson. “The complaint states: “When Mr. Bennett arrived, Rev. Jackson was dressed only in his underwear (briefs) and a V-neck shirt. While Mr. Bennett was taking notes, Rev. Jackson had an erection and was stroking his penis with his hand in his underwear. Bennett demands $98,300 in back pay, front pay and lost benefits, and $350,000 in punitive damages, for sexual harassment and intentional infliction of emotional distress.” This gives a whole new meaning to “Rainbow Push”

Somali kids win weapons in Quran contest. The station announced Monday that the first prize winner in the contest received a rifle and $700, the second prize winner got a rifle and $500, and the third prize winner received two bombs. All three children also received religious books. The losers got special ribbons in the shape of targets. A proud day for all, indeed.

No jet lag for 120 donkeys after Hawaii-LA flight. Looks like there is no shortage of jackasses from Hawaii.

New government fees pepper Obama deficit plan. Air travelers, federal workers, military retirees, wealthier Medicare beneficiaries and people taking out new mortgages are among those who would pay more than $130 billion in government revenues raised through new or increased fees. Ahhh! They finally figured out if they call it a “FEE” it isn’t a “TAX”. Can’t wait for the “Income Reduction Fee”. Or how ’bout that “Oxygen Consumption Fee”.

FLASHBACK: Obama Says You Don’t Raise Taxes In A Recession

Occupy Wall St. March Video of the anticapitalist march on Wall Street. “A people, united, will never… Oops. Hold on, my iPhone is ringing…”

Geithner’s “succinct” message irks Europeans. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner’s high-profile trip to Europe left some European officials more dumbstruck than starstruck. I guess Geithner’s Powerpoint presentation on “How TurboTax can save you DollarZ!” didn’t go over so well – Neither did his suggestion that they tap into their 440 billion euro European Financial Stability bailout fund. No one is taking his advice… why are we?

Police: Roommates argued over iPod before fatal stabbing. The value of a life? Apparently a song.

UK hires extra tax collectors to police super-rich. As the U.K. tightens its belt during economic uncertainty, a senior government official said Sunday he was hiring more than 2,000 extra tax inspectors to make sure that Britain’s wealthiest feel the squeeze. Coming to a town near you. Create jobs AND reduce the deficit… at least until we run out of other people’s money. “In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.” Confucius

Reform of Egypt’s police hits a wall: The police. A gang that broke out of prison during the revolution was killing people and robbing merchants in the town of Abu Teeg. So the chief of detectives gave his officers their orders: Do nothing. “The revolution let them out, so let the people have a taste of their revolution” Who said anarchy wouldn’t be fun!

Blackface Obama billboard sparks outrage. “This is 2011 and not 1950,” he said. “I find it racist through and through.” Yes, there is a theme… Oh and you might like this story about Obama Chicken Fingers.

Consumer Hope for Future Hits Lowest Level Since 1980. “Even without a downturn, consumer spending will not be strong enough to enable the rapid job growth that is needed to offset reduced long-term expectations.” Another time travel story. We’re in need of Reagan 2.0!

LA Porn Studio Begins Construction On ‘Post-Apocalyptic’ Underground Bunker. “…with amenities such as multiple fully-stocked bars, an enormous performing stage and a sophisticated content production studio.” It’s hard to choose what to put in an underground bunker… but stocked bars and a performing stage are at the top of most lists. Oh, the production studio – coming soon… “Survival Sue in Arma-get-it-on!”

Obama Sends Out Creepy Email: “Sometime Soon, Can We Meet For Dinner?” $5 raffle for dinner with Barry. Odds are you’re stuck with the bill.

PSA for Rich to Pay More Taxes! It’s about time those evil fat cats get what’s coming to them!

American Muslims speak out against the enforcement of shari‘ah law in America. “Islamic Coalition announces support for Michigan legislation that will bar state courts from enforcing ‘foreign law’ above U.S. and state constitution.” Wait. We need legislation to prevent this from happening?

Let’s forget 9/11. So says Tom Engelhardt, a fellow at The Nation Institute and a professor at the Graduate School of Journalism at the University of… wait for it… California, Berkeley. An apt memorial to those who agree with Tom might be a reflecting pond called “The Faces of Stupidity”.

Al Gore in 24-hour broadcast to convert climate skeptics.

Thousands Dedicate ‘Empty Sky’ Memorial In Liberty State Park. A Memorial you might not have seen…

USS New York Returns Home For 9/11.

Looters Steal Gadhafi’s weapons, including surface-to-air missiles. Ok, here’s the plan: 1. Topple Gadhafi. 2. Uh… What could possibly go wrong?

9/11, minute by minute: Chaos and 1 man’s escape. A harrowing account from the 84th floor of the south tower. “I have this very clear vision of all my coworkers turning around and starting up the stairs,” Clark says. “And they all died.”

First lady Michelle Obama visits US Open. So glad Michelle got to see the US Open – a dramatic contrast to the many US businesses with signs that say “closed”.

Shariah court in Nigeria orders 2 men be amputated. Byebye right hand. They’re damn lucky they weren’t caught “messin’ wit da sheep”!

Anti-Bob Turner Ad Featuring Airplane Ominously Buzzing Manhattan: Slightly Terrorist-y? The DCCC has since removed the skyline of Manhattan… but seriously? What were they thinking? Oh, wait. Rhetorical question. There is no bottom to the pit of liberal impertinence.