Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

UC Berkeley student assaulted for NOT joining “occupy” protest. The man asked the student if she was going to the protest on Sproul Plaza, and when the victim answered “no,” the suspect yelled at her. “People like you are the reason that California is in debt,” he said, according to the crime alert. We don’t know this fellow, but we suspect people like HIM are the reason that California is in debt.

David Brooks on the anticipated failure of the Super Committee: “Welcome Greece. We are going to be Greece.” No doofus, unlike Greece which cannot issue Euros, the US can PRINT as many dollars as it wants to satisfy its debts. If anything, we will be Weimar Germany, not Greece. Brooks agrees with Mark Shields “there is no center.” And all this time, Barry thought he was the center.

Good news: Congress can force you to buy broccoli, but can’t force you to eat it. A Harvard genius law professor says everybody engages in “commerce”, hence the Commerce Clause gives congress the power to micro-manage their lives. So, in the Commerce Clause the Founders essentially said “ignore the rest of this document”? Hey, the federal government’s powers are limited unless you buy or sell something, then they can do anything would want. Genius.

According to intelligence reports Saudi Arabia and its Gulf Arab allies have been pushing the US to strike Iran by year’s end. Saudis are reportedly afraid Iran will take over Iraq once the US leaves at year end. “Security experts say… Obama’s dogged drive to fulfill his campaign promise may have disastrous consequences both for the region and US interests.” Someday soon, we’re gonna wish we had that Keystone pipeline – not to mention someone other than a narcissistic nincompoop as a president.

Accused White House shooter Oscar Ortega Hernández recorded a TV pitch to Oprah Winfrey 2 months ago in which he declared himself to be “the modern day Jesus Christ.” So, that’s his problem – he sees Obama as a competing savior. In the tape, Hernández accuses the US government of waging war for oil. “War for oil” – if Sarah Palin had coined that phrase, we’d be getting lectures on civility from the Left for the next month.

Larry Elder manhandles obscure TV commentator with tingly legs. MATTHEWS: “This is an embarrassment. This is why this country is being torn apart, with this kind of hatred.” ELDER: “It’s called a disagreement. You perceive it as hatred, just like you perceive that the Republicans want people to die on gurneys, and they don’t care about illegal aliens, and all the other silly things that you’ve said. That’s hatred. That’s hatred, Chris.” It’s terrible for Larry to pick on a lame brained tingly-legged person like this.

Following a 3-yr investigation, EU bans claim that water can prevent dehydration. Producers of bottled water will face 2 yr jail sentence for defying the edict. Now, about that ridiculous claim eating food can cure hunger… Folks, these are the nitwits Barack Obama and Visa Pelosi want us to emulate. BTW, rules banning bent bananas and curved cucumbers were scrapped in 2008. Ban terminal stupidity and the entire EU bureaucracy will disappear.

Occupy Cairo: hundreds of thousands of Egyptians rallied Friday to protest against what they say are attempts by the country’s military rulers to designate themselves as the guardians of a new Egypt. “Friday’s rally was dominated by the country’s most organized political group, the Muslim Brotherhood, which has rarely come out in full force since the protests that forced President Hosni Mubarak to step down in February.” Smart power, the Obamacare of foreign policy. We’ve seen this movie before. Wake us when it’s 2013.

Obama has a Bush “door” moment in Bali. POTUS was unable to open the door to a conference room, Secret Service had to assist. Recall when Bush had door problems in China a few years ago, it was replayed endlessly in the media. In contrast, if you see this reported anywhere else, it would probably be on the side of a milk carton.

Obama USDA delays Ohio shale gas drilling (and nearly 200k jobs). “The move was taken in deference to environmentalists, on the pretext of studying the effects of hydraulic fracturing.” Appears Obama is more concerned about holding his enviro base than his union base.

Obama’s illegal alien half-uncle argued in court today that his arrest on a drunken driving charge this summer violated his constitutional rights. He wants the evidence suppressed and the case thrown out. Uncle Omar, a liquor store clerk, said he committed no motor vehicle violations so the police had no right to stop him. The police say he nearly crashed into an unmarked police cruiser. Maybe the Commerce Clause says “almost” only counts in horseshoes or something.

Hedge Fund ceases operation saying “Jon Corzine STOLE the customer cash at MF Global.” “The futures and options markets are no longer viable. The entire system has been utterly destroyed by the MF Global collapse.” Marxist mission accomplished!

CBO on the Stimulus: “A net negative effect on the growth of GDP over 10 years.” Investments that lose prodigious amounts of money, economic stimulants that depress the economy, what’ll we find out next, that their healthcare plan kills people? Ooops.

The Daily Show explores Occupy Wall St.’s class structure. As John “$400 haircut” Edwards might’ve said, there are two Occupy Wall Streets – one with noses in the air (the hipsters) and one without (the ghetto.) Listen to the genius (around 4:20 in the video) explain the difference between “personal property” (which he’s for) and “private property” (which he’s against.) More nuance you haven’t seen since Michael Moore explained why a multi-millionaire like hisself is one of the 99 percent.

Glendale Cal. bans fake grass on front lawns. No astroturf! At least, not the kind one puts on lawns – Axelrod’s version is for the public good, ya know. Why just front lawns and not backyards? Here’s the city’s answer: [sound of crickets chirping.]

“Patriotic millionaires” demand higher taxes, but unwilling to pay up. Why higher taxes? Theory: to guarantee a continued flow of gubbermint moola to their businesses and investments. They kick in a hundred thou in higher taxes in return for billions in gubbermint contracts. Voluntary contributions are NFG to them as only a few will kick in, not enough to keep the gubbermint spigot open full bore.

Energy Secretary Chu takes full responsibility for Solyndra. “As the Secretary of Energy, the final decisions on Solyndra were mine, and I made them with the best interest of the taxpayer in mind.” The “taxpayer” he must’ve had in mind was Obama bundler George Kaiser who got a loan at the best interest rate.

Math teacher’s sells grades for cash: “All students had to do was staple the cash to the test or quiz they wanted Spires to amend, according to the report.” Talk about grading on the scale. We won’t judge – teach is just doing what the Obama Administration and a large fraction of Congress are doing. Gimme $50 for an “A” an call it an “investment.”

Rep. Allen West calls for Holder to resign. Here’s a message Holder should have no trouble remembering.

Democrats criticize eviction of Occupy Wall Street protesters from NY park. Yeah, but they don’t sound that upset about it. Did Raúl Grijalva and Charles “The dog ate my tax return” Rangel not get the memo or were they just left out of the loop when Obama decided OWS was a loser for him and told Nanny Bloomberg to pull the plug after Air Force I left town? Either way, sounds like they were caught with their pants down by Obama’s decision.

Crippled by debt, European economy has slowed almost to a stop, report shows. “…a recession would be bad news for the U.S., which sells 20% of its exports to Europe…” And that would be even worse news for Barry’s reelection chances. Lotsa Middle Eastern man-caused-disaster makers are gonna be watching the European economic news and sweatin’ bullets (pardon the expression.)

Diane Sawyer’s Gabby Giffords special: “Someone even fired a gun into her office door. And you may remember Sarah Palin targeted her district with an ad that had a gun sight on it.” Before Sawyer suggests folks stay away from Target Stores for fear Sarah Palin might take brand names literally, she may remember that Jared Loughner’s (the guy who actually shot Giffords) favorite reading material was “The Communist Manifesto” and “Mein Kampf.” Today’s MSM is all about the public’s right to know what the tools want you to know.

Michael Moore connects the federal government to “occupy” raids. “This is not some coincidence. This was planned and I think the question really has to be asked of the federal government and of the Obama administration. Why?” Hard to ask el Presidente since he conveniently left for Australia before the raids, but it fits the pattern: “The wheels of Obama’s bus go ’round and ’round…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ez4Tn8ky1uM

Authorities are concerned that a man sought in connection with a bizarre shooting incident on the Washington Mall last week may pose a threat to President Obama. Secret Service believes the suspect, Oscar Ramiro Ortega of Idaho, fired a bullet which hit the White House and was stopped by ballistic glass. He may be mentally ill, has a long police record and seems to have been fixated on the White House. “U.S. Park police say Ortega may have spent time blending in with Occupy D.C. protesters.” Sarah Palin has not been questioned yet. UPDATE: Arrested in Pennsylvania (trying to buy some tea, probably.)

Larry Lang, chair professor of Finance at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, said in a lecture that he didn’t think was being recorded that the Chinese regime is in a serious economic crisis—on the brink of bankruptcy. In his memorable formulation: every province in China is Greece. Useful idiots like the NY Times’ Tom Friedman hardest hit? Maybe not. A Chinese meltdown may not destroy our economy, but it sure as hell ain’t gonna help.