Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

White House Insider: OBAMACARE …”Now we are truly ready to fight.” Posted a similar take in a comment to an earlier article before reading this. You be the judge. “The Obamacare ruling is good news for us. Real good news. It’s 2010 all over again now. Swing states will shift over to Romney in most cases. Trust me on this. We’ve done the polling. The data is conclusive on this. It’s a huge tax. We got Obama lying. Again.”

Poll: Obama would be better equipped than Romney to deal with alien invasion. A survey commissioned for the National Geographic Channel’s series Chasing UFOs shows folks think Obama would be better than Romney at handling an invasion by extraterrestrials, but they never explain what they mean by “handling.” We think Obama’s reaction to such an invasion would go something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du0d8QxlSYk

Police: Teaneck (NJ) man pulled gun on neighbor for farting. “An elderly man was arrested Monday night after a neighbor’s fart allegedly drove him to threaten him with a gun, police said.” The guy was just getting in touch with his inner Bloomberg.

Obama hasn’t spoken to Colorado Gov for 15 days despite raging wildfires. Hey, remember when the media skewered Bush for not paying more attention to Katrina? Good times. Gee, don’t any rich celebrities have homes in Aspen or Telluride suitable for holding fundraisers?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCaGcyUd85M&feature=player_embedded

Hoyer: Some Dems will vote to hold Holder in Contempt for Fast And Furious. “The chief Democratic House head counter, Rep. Steny Hoyer of Maryland, declined to tell reporters how many defections he expected…” It could be as many as 30 according to one blogger. Hey, the journ0lists are always whining about the need for bipartisan action so this oughta make them happy for once.

Japan police probe man who cooked own genitals. “Tokyo police are investigating whether a man who cooked his own severed genitals and served them to five paying diners committed a crime, the force said Tuesday.” Well, as long as they were low on salt and transfats and weren’t served with a 16 oz soda, Nanny Bloomberg would approve.

Two children hospitalized with sunburns after school forbade them from applying sunscreen. “Children cannot apply the block to themselves unless they have a doctor’s note as the district considers sunscreen an over-the-counter medication requiring prescription.” Ummm, an over-the-counter medication is sold without a prescription, hence the designation “over-the-counter.” Regardless, how about at least getting the kids into the shade before they burst into flames?

Democrats cancel Speedway event at Charlotte convention. “The move comes as party planners are grappling with a fundraising deficit of roughly $27 million, according to two people familiar with the matter who requested anonymity to discuss internal party politics.” Anybody got a set of Hot Wheels?

“The most troubling part for the president is that he’s become so unpopular that donors don’t want their names to be associated with his events.” “Obama himself had someone privately foot the tab for security at a New Hampshire stop after the locals decided they’d had enough of this freeloader campaigning on the public dime. Yet they won’t disclose the donor.” And neither will the donor. 2008: Change! 2012: Spare change?

Stockton, CA faces midnight deadline to avert bankruptcy. “Stockton’s financial troubles have been compounded, according to city officials, by generous pay and benefits for city employees and retirees and the city taking on too much debt when it enjoyed a home-building boom in the last decade…” Stockton will be the largest US city ever to file for bankruptcy, but probably not for long.

“We are living in a modern-day depression.” Hey, don’t you mean “unexpectedly”, pal? “Government transfers to the personal sector now makes up nearly one-fifth of total household income,” says Gluskin Sheff’s chief economist David Rosenberg. “Even Lyndon Johnson, architect of the ‘Great Society’, would blush at that.” Unlike the 1930s, the bread-lines are virtual, all done with EBT cards now. But like the first one, this will end when the oppressive statist regime does.

Obama talks about his first date with Michelle (yes, it’s a campaign thing.) More answers to questions nobody asked while questions that people really want answers to (like Fast and Furious) hang fire. If he needs money this badly, maybe he should consider appearing on “Celebrity Bowling.” FYI: if you’re in need of an emetic, read the YouTube comments on the video.

Obama tripped by Bush while heading onto stage (6/23/2012.) Seriously, we can expect a few laugh-filled years of gags about this from Saturday Night Dead et al, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=z7KrkT-MTUM

Why “Fast and Furious” matters. “Hundreds of people died because of the operation, but no one takes responsibility.” Of course not, Bush never takes responsibility for these things.

Expert on pants creases says Obama’s assertion of executive privilege was a dumb move. “It’s funny – it hasn’t really registered with the country yet, what the government has done. When – if – it gets out: ‘Wait, they were sending guns to Mexico?’ — I think it’s such a thing that will startle people. I think it’s a clear winner for the Republicans.” By asserting executive privilege, Obama has drawn attention to what he is hoping everyone would ignore.

Have you heard about “The Obama phone”? No, it’s not a phone that plays Obama’s speeches repeatedly (at least, we don’t think it is.) Possibly, it’s an old free phone program that has been renamed to make people think Obama is responsible. We’re not sure, here’s the website if you wanna check it out: ObamaPhone.net.

UN conference calls for economic “contraction” to combat climate change. One of these geniuses noted that “because conservatives reject the notion global warming, ‘We don’t use the term climate change anymore. It’s sustainable development.’” Yep, folks don’t lose money at 3-card monte anymore, it’s now “random bus-station exterior performance art” or something. It’s the UN that needs to contract – and then disappear completely.

N.J. woman hit with ball sues Little League player. She was sitting at a picnic table near a fenced-in bullpen when the then 11-year-old catcher apparently overthrew his pitcher and hit her. The lawsuit alleges the catcher’s errant throw was “intentional and reckless.” Eleven-year-olds are not the most accurate throwers on the planet – the moral of the story would seem to be either keep well clear of kids throwing baseballs or else be ready to duck.

Green “drivel”: The godfather of global warming lowers the boom on climate change hysteria. James Lovelock is in favor of hydraulic fracking and nat gas as an alternative to coal. He is not a believer in wind power (“The schemes are largely hopelessly inefficient and unpleasant.”) or “sustainable development” (“…meaningless drivel”) or the concept of “settled science”: “One thing that being a scientist has taught me is that you can never be certain about anything.”

Bad news: Jon Stewart not exactly buying Obama’s executive-privilege claim. Stewart’s audience got more info on Fast and Furious in 2 minutes than most mainstream “news” consumers have in two years. Seriously, we had an intelligent well-informed person, a middle-aged PhD, ask us yesterday what FnF was all about. She had never heard of it before this week. Perhaps soon everyone will know. (video at the link.)

CNN: Moody’s downgrade of 15 banks a sign of a new recession. New recession… What happened to the Obama recovery? If you blinked recently, you probably missed it.

Ga. Democrats can’t move tickets to Obama reception? “The Georgia Democratic Party’s 50% reduction in ticket costs for a reception next week in which Georgians can press the flesh with Barack Obama has prompted some Republicans to ask if the president’s fundraising operation is slowing.” Well, supply is rapidly increasing while demand is slowly shrinking – if it were any other product, lower prices would be the predictable result. But in this case, it’s just racism.

“The president is a liar.” “According to Buzzfeed’s Ben Smith (normally a loyal member of the administration’s media claque), no less than 38 documented falsehoods in the president’s memoir Dreams from My Father were revealed by David Maraniss’s new book Barack Obama: The Story.” Well, one is an accident, two are a coincidence, three are a pattern and 38 are a “memoir.”

Carney: Claiming executive privilege to hide documents is all about “principle.” An Obama story so silly even the media doesn’t believe it. Nixon: All Watergate is about is a third-rate burglary. Obama: All Fast and Furious is about is a third-rate presidency (we’re paraphrasing here, but that’s what it’ll come down to in the end.)

$9 billion in “stimulus” for solar, wind projects made 910 final jobs – $9.8 million per job. To paraphrase Dennis Prager, what’s the difference between the Obama administration and the Titanic? The passengers of the Titanic didn’t call the iceberg a “stimulus.”