Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

The Torrid Romantic Life of Kim Jong-il. He offed at least two women, one for falling for another man and another for speaking publicly about her relationship with him. Yep, like the useful media idiots said, a charming, witty fella.

Brawls break out across US over… new Air Jordan tennis shoes. Drudge had several stories of brawls, mobs and near-riots in Seattle, Atlanta, Charlotte and Louisville apparently involving folks wanting to buy these shoes. Pardon our ignorance but these are just shoes, right? Unless maybe they’re where MF Corzine left the MF money…

3rd Quarter GDP revised downward again. Original October estimate was 2.5% growth, revised in November to 2% and now 1.8%. The original estimate was 39% too high, not even close enough for gubbermint work. Is someone fudging the numbers? We note the presence of brown, sticky material which we don’t believe to be fudge….

It’s official: US debt-to-GDP passes 100%. Gubbermint now owes more than the country makes in a year. Hey, remember when the national debt was only $10.6 trillion (before Hope-along Changedy took office?) Good times. But don’t worry, we have a fiat currency, which means our money will soon be as worthless as our politicians are.

North Korea: “Nature is mourning” Dear Dead Leader. Yep, lakes, mountains and even cranes are all making a fuss since their Hope n’ Change guy kicked the bucket. Frankly, we’re not convinced nature is grief-stricken or if it simply wants the carcass buried somewhere else. Hey, he’s got nearly 70 years of poop saved up if you believe the gossip from Pyongyang. Apparently no laxitives there either.

Is 2011 the new 1979? Well, if 2012 is the new 1980, Jimmy Peanuts’ 2nd term may have a happy ending.

Wave of attacks kills dozens amid Iraq’s upheaval. Unlike economic policy, the results of King Putt’s foreign policy show up pretty quickly.

Reason-Rupe Poll: Americans Like Their Banks Better Than The Gov’t. Occupy Pennsylvania Avenue!

Christmas may be a time of indulging for many, but health experts believe it is the perfect time to tell a loved one they are overweight. No, the perfect time is actually right after the divorce proceedings.

Finland “finds Patriot missiles” on China-bound ship. Missles found in containers marked “fireworks.” Nobody seems to know where or when the missiles were put on the ship or to whom they were supposed to be going, just that they were going to Shanghai, China. Shipping company officials said the missiles could’ve been put on the ship by mistake. Or not.

Panetta: A nuclear weapon in Iran is “unacceptable.” “We will take whatever steps necessary to stop it.” The Obama Admin has crossed the Rubicon; if Iran doesn’t back off, the president has basically promised all hell is gonna break loose. If Obama’s playing a game of chicken, thinking his rhetoric alone will be enough to stop Iran’s nuclear program and he has no intention of following thru, it’s likely he’s made a very bad gamble.

Hey, wanna great way to celebrate the holidays? How about hectoring friends and relatives into voting for your favorite empty suit? A sort of reverse Dale Carnegie – “How to lose friends and start arguments with people under the influence.” Yeah, every holiday gathering really wants to hear why the family loser has joined the Cult of No Personality.

Bill Clinton tells O’Reilly “Oh, I think yes” the media favored Obama over Hillary in 2008. The first black president is a raaaaacist.

Things are still looking up in Iran. Did we say “looking”? We meant blowing: “Two more explosions today. One at the big refinery in Isfahan, the other at the very important Revolutionary Guards base in Kerman, which is the headquarters for the RG’s operations in the East (think Afghanistan, etc.) I don’t have casualty figures yet, but the Kerman blast was a biggie.” Our bad.

Hugo Chávez blasted President Barack Obama as a “clown” and an “embarrassment” who has turned the United States into a “disaster” after Obama criticized Venezuela’s ties with Iran and Cuba. Chávez accused Obama of trying to “win votes by attacking Venezuela.” Yeah, that’s pretty much the only reason Obama does anything these days.

Syrian protesters unmasked as raaaacists. Luckily, they’re not one of our 57 states.

Need a Christmas gift suggestion? How about this new book, “Everything Obama Knows About The Economy”! Like the lightweight himself, it’s a blank slate folks can project all their stupid fantasies on. Hey, lookit page 38 – government-funded high-speed rail can provide enough free cheese to feed a whole herd of unicorns! Amazing. Can’t wait until “Everything Al Gore Knows About Science” comes out.

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) today released “Wastebook 2011” which highlights over $6.5 billion in examples of the most egregious ways taxpayer dollars were wasted. Stuff like $764,825 to study how college students use mobile devices for social networking (our guess would be for sex), $10 million for a remake of “Sesame Street” for Pakistan (Big Bird goes jihadi.) To paraphrase the late Everett Dirksen, 6.5 billion here, 6.5 billion there and pretty soon we’re talking about real money.

Candidate Match Game – answer issue-oriented questions and see which candidate most closely reflects your views. Our results were (1) Rick Perry (2) Ron Paul (3) Newt. Your mileage may will vary. Barack Obama finished last. Didn’t agree on one single issue. Shocking. Oh, here’s another one.

Václav Havel on Kim Jong-il, circa 2004. An antidote to the mind-numbing Kim orgasm emanating from the MSM useful idiots: “The Northern part of the Korean peninsula is governed by the world’s worst totalitarian dictator, who is responsible for taking millions of human lives.” The MSM is the real opiate of the people.

The Carolina Journal reports that staffers in Gov Beverly Perdue’s (D-NC) office have been getting advance word on monthly unemployment statistics from the U.S. Department of Labor’s Bureau of Labor Statistics. It’s illegal under federal law… “her staffers used the heads-up to craft their press releases, presumably to make Perdue look better.” Well, as long as it’s for a legitimate public purpose – making a sitting Dem governor in a 2012 swing state look better – it’s gotta be OK, then.

North Korea test-fired two short-range missiles off its east coast on Monday, the same day it announced the death of leader Kim Jong-Il, South Korea’s Yonhap news agency said. South Korea says the tests are sometimes timed to coincide with periods of tension. South puts its military on alert. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has died at the age of 69, state-run television has announced. “The announcer, wearing black, said he had died of physical and mental over-work.” The tombstone will read “This is Bush’s fault, too!” Oh wait, wrong Dear Leader…

Globally averaged, Earth’s atmosphere has warmed about about 0.82° F during the 33 yrs that sensors aboard satellites have measured the temperature of oxygen molecules in the air. Noticable, but not a disaster. Unable to prove scientifically how much of the warming is due to natural climate cycles vs humanity’s CO2 emissions enhancing Earth’s natural greenhouse effect. Well, if reality doesn’t support the state-approved narrative, reality must be wrong.

Like those grassroots conservatives in tricorner hats, heavily Democratic Fairfax county also thinks it is Taxed Enough Already. “The wealthy but uncharitable socialist ceases to be a mystery once you understand relative prices. Voluntary charity is costly to the giver, but voting for charity … is virtually free.” Well, as Democrats and big Obama supporters, they probably consider themselves occupy-friendly. But as the nation’s 2nd richest county, they are the one percent.