Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

Ed Schultz – Tea Party Republicans are like “sewer rats”. A case of the sewerage calling the kettle “sewer rat”, a holiday present from the sewer of networks….

Obama DOJ approves internet gambling – tax on the poor? Screw the poor, we got a machine to run: “The memo was written by Virginia Seitz, head of Justice’s Office of Legal Counsel and a possible Obama nominee to the Supreme Court. To win Senate approval to serve on the court, she would need the support of Senate majority leader Harry Reid (D) of Nevada.” Home of the gaming industry. Crony capitalism strikes again.

Beaver Borough, PA: Sledding is permitted in Roosevelt Park although children under 12 must wear helmets, but the ordinance limits sledding to only Beaver Borough residents. “Non-resident ban was recommended by borough’s insurance company.” Soon you’ll need permission to step out of your house and walk down the street – residents only, please.

How many of you think Alaska is an island? Some twitters did, apparently because all the US maps they’ve seen show it “all by itself.” And BTW, it’s not Sarah Palin that thinks they can see Russia from their house, but some others further east may…

Alexandra Pelosi, daughter of House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, says that her mother wants to leave Congress–and that she remains in Washington only at the behest of her campaign donors. “She would retire right now, if the donors she has didn’t want her to stay so badly. They know she wants to leave, though…. It’s obligation, that’s all I’m saying.” We understand… as Tricky Barack said, “Sooner or later you’ve made enough money.” (And we’re sure Alexandra meant to say Nancy’s staying for the children.)

Chavez: Hey, maybe the US gave me cancer? “Would it be strange if (the US) had developed a technology to induce cancer, and for no one to know it?” No, but we do have a technology that induces clownishness and paranoia, and unfortunately it works like a charm.

Cheetah, star of the Tarzan films, has passed away at age 80. Damn, we just lost someone else that woulda made a better president than the A-Hole In One.

Three House Republicans ask IRS to investigate AARP’s tax-exempt status. The video says the AARP supported Obamacare’s Medicare cuts but it also happens to make a lot of money marketing “Medigap” insurance policies to seniors. Conflict of interest? Why, that’s just raaaaacist talk.

NY Times staffers express ‘profound dismay’ with management. Seems staffers are upset that management “negotiators have demanded a freeze of our pension plan and an end to our independent health insurance” while outgoing CEO Janet Robinson exits with “a very generous severance and retirement package, including full pension benefits.” That sound you hear is our irony meter exploding.

According to one of his mistresses, ex-congressman Anthony Weiner expressed wanting a threesome – with her and another man. “I’m not really talking about other chicks… How about with another guy?” Weiner asked Nobles. “Hmmmm, haven’t done it before,” Nobles said. “It can be hot,” Weiner replies. And you folks thought the urine-cooked egg story was unappetizing.

Arlen Specter took the stage at the Helium Comedy Club’s open-mike night in Philadelphia: “I’ve been in comedy now for 30 years.” He’s been a joke for longer than that.

Clerk knocks out armed robber, makes him clean up his own blood when he comes to. Never bring a pellet gun to a fight with a guy who has a left hook like his. Sage advice.

Wealth of members of Congress has TRIPLED in 25 years – while average U.S. family has suffered a DROP in their worth. “Ms Pelosi, estimated to have a $196million fortune, has spent the past two Christmas holidays in the same hotel in a suite which costs $10,000 a night.” Probably just celebrating her good fortune from when she lucked out on that Visa stock IPO. Occupy congress.

Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE) will announce today that he is retiring after two terms, a serious blow to Democratic efforts to hold on to the majority in the chamber next November. A fact which the folks at Politico didn’t see fit to mention was that Benny cast the 60th Senate vote in favor of the Fast n’ Furious of health insurance, Obamacare. Here’s a paean to the Cornhusker Kickback. Adios, Ben.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=TS0QKs-LKqw

5 die of food poisoning at Mexican rehab center. Story says “Drug cartels have taken over rehabilitation centers in parts of Mexico, forcibly recruiting addicts as hit men and smugglers. The invasions have led to mass shootings at the centers that have left dozens dead.” Lots of commenters wonder if this is a consequence of Fast n’ Furious. Us too.

Teen wounded by Bernhard Goetz commits suicide on 27th anniversary of subway shooting. James Ramseur, one of four teens wounded by “subway vigilante” Bernhard Goetz on Dec 22, 1984, died from an apparent self-inflicted drug overdose on the 27th anniversary of the shooting. He was 45 years old and spent most of his life in prison.

Riddle: what has Obama done 31 times this year and 89 times since assuming office? Fore!

Nomination of NY Sen. Schumer’s brother-in-law to federal judgeship from NJ stuns state. Sounds like maybe 87-yr old NJ Sen. Frank “I’m not dead, I always look this way” Lautenberg nominated NY Sen. Chuck “Never met a camera he didn’t like” Schumer’s brother-in-law to the NJ judgeship so as to guarantee Chuckies’ support for the ossified one’s relection bid. But we’re sure they found the best-qualified crony for the job.

The “science” of Santa: how can one chubby old guy deliver 850,000 tons of toys to 900 million destinations in one night? Lots of quantum psychics… er, physics n’ stuff. Frankly, it’s a damn sight more believeable than the claims for Obamacare or the Porkulus. Merry Christmas!

Feds predict the future of the Auto Industry, foresee Chrysler freefall, GM stagnation. “According to data buried in the EPA/DOT proposed rule for 2017-2025 fuel economy standards, Fiat-Chrysler is predicted to be the sick man of the auto industry by 2025, losing over half of its 2008 sales volume, while GM is expected to improve by only 3%…” That’s 3% over the 17 year period not 3% annually. And remember, gubbermint predictions are usually over-optimistic.

Obama returns MF Corzine donations. Well, Obie On Vacation is returning the 70 grand MF Corzine donated directly but not the more than $500,000 the MF bundled for Barry. Most transparent administration in history!

Guardian (UK) pundit: so what if North Korea is a prison camp where people eat cardboard and think the dictator is a diety who doesn’t poop, at least it’s authentically Korean. Hey, you know, syphillis is really awesome, too, because unlike those other wimpy STDs, it will eat your brain if you let it. Golly, let’s see what other deadly crap we can paste a smiley face on.

Chinese writer Chen Wei has been sentenced to nine years in jail for “inciting subversion of state power”. Passing defense secrets, was he? Not quite: “The indictment against Mr Chen listed several essays he wrote for foreign websites on topics including pieces which criticised the political system in China and praised the growth of civil society.” Guess dissent ain’t the highest form of patriotism in Tom Friedman’s favorite country.

Governors Journal names Scott Walker “Governor Of The Year”. So outstanding he faces recall… “But consider this. Even if Walker is removed from office, he still wins the debate. Any setback will be temporary. Pension reforms are a reality. California is next.” And consider this – politics is the only profession where facing reality merits one high praise and is a bad career move simultaneously.

Mayor calls for budget cuts to offset millions in Occupy LA cost. Repairs to city hall lawn: $400,000. Police action to clear encampment: $700,000. Obama and the Democrat-Media complex owning this mess: priceless.