Author: J.P. Travis

It’s Pi Day today. At 9:26:53 (twice), the calendar will match Pi to ten places: 3.141592653. That has to mean something, right? Like maybe if you’re staring at a circle at that precise second, you will comprehend the infinite stupidity of Joe Biden?

Nation’s first transgender legislator arrested for bomb threat. Stacey Laughton, formerly known as Barry Laughton, says he/she has a history of mental illness (no shit) and was off his/her meds at the time. “I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone and it was totally out of character for me.”

Researchers say chivalry is sexist. Men who smile and hold doors open for women are engaged in “benevolent sexism,” according to Professor Judith Hall of Northeastern University in Boston. Egad, the horror of it.

Two officers shot by protesters outside Ferguson police station. Happy now, Holder? Did you get what you wanted, you vicious little creep?

Sydney Leathers bags another Democrat. Never mind how dumb this guy must be to get caught sexting the same woman who cost Anthony Weiner his career and self-respect—never mind that—what is it with Democrats and ugly women?

AP study guide labels Clarence Thomas a fascist and pairs him with KKK. The Tea Party is over there on the fascist end of the spectrum, too. “AP” stands for Advanced Placement so this is what the smart kids are being taught—God only knows what sort of bilge dumb kids are learning.

SSA has 6.5 million social security numbers for people over 112. The fact that there are only 35 people that old in the whole world should have been a clue that they’re getting scammed… but hey, this is the government we’re talking about.

Elijah Cummings knee deep in IRS scandal. Instead of participating in the investigation as a member of the House Oversight Committee, this scumbag sell-out should be a target of the investigation.

The Church of England calls for end of free markets. “Thatcherism should be consigned to history because it no longer has the answers to Britain’s problems,” adds the church’s new political manifesto. Good grief, no wonder the Episcopal Church in the U.S. is confused—the mother church back in Canterbury has completely lost its way.

Protesters march in Wisconsin day after new police shooting. Like Eric Garner, Michael Brown, and Trayvon Marton, Tony Robinson is just another innocent black victim according to his mother:

“My son has never been a violent person. And to die in such a violent, violent way, it baffles me.”

(Psst… it’s not quite so baffling when you consider his felony conviction for armed robbery last year, and the fact that he turned and attacked the cop chasing him.)

The fundamental contradiction of the Democrat Party starkly displayed. Yesterday in Selma, a billboard visible from the famous “Bloody Sunday” bridge welcomed President Obama, while the other side of the billboard honored the founder of the KKK.

Politico says White House knew about Hillary’s private email server in August. Obama says he just heard about it “through news reports.”

Planet Fitness boots woman for complaining about man in women’s locker room. Apparently the man in the locker room “identifies” as a woman and Planet Fitness thought it was rude to complain. Seems like a brilliant business decision: piss of the woman who represents 50% of your customer base to make some fruitcake happy.

Justice Dept. preparing corruption charges against Sen. Bob Menendez. He’s a Democrat. From New Jersey. ‘Nuff said.

What does 170-year-old beer taste like? “Autolyzed yeast, dimethyl sulfide, Bakelite, burnt rubber, over-ripe cheese, and goat, with phenolic and sulfury notes.” So pretty much like Stroh’s.

Al Franken apologizes “for being a guy.” Don’t worry about it, Mr. Smalley, you don’t have that much to apologize for.

Netanyahu more popular than Obama. According to a Gallup poll conducted Feb. 8-11, 45% of Americans approve of the Israeli prime minister versus 24% who disapprove. The numbers for Obama: 44% approval versus 51% disapproval.

Shadow of a blue dress. Too funny. The artist who painted Bill Clinton’s official portrait for the National Portrait Gallery hung a blue dress so that it would cast a shadow on the fireplace mantle, explaining it’s “a bit of a metaphor in that it represents a shadow on the office he held,” and pointing out that the 42nd president is “probably the most famous liar of all time.” Ouch.

Polar bears doing just fine. “It really is time for the doom and gloom about polar bears to stop,” says Dr. Susan Crockford, of the University of Victoria in British Columbia. Except, golly, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service’s determination that polar bears are threatened by climate change is the sole basis for all of Obama’s schemes to limit carbon in the U.S. economy so… we predict the doom and gloom about polar bears will continue.

The Daily Beast retracts story on Scott Walker. Remember what the MSM did to Sarah Palin? Constant front page gotcha headlines, followed later by quiet retractions when facts proved Palin correct? Yeah, well, it’s not like the American public has gotten smarter since 2008.

2,185 cold temperature records broken or tied in last week. And records aren’t just being broken, they’re being shattered: for example, Cynthiana, Kentucky’s previous all-time low temperature was 15 degrees—now it’s negative 23 degrees.

Federal judge tells deported Mexicans they can come back now. After all, we feel bad that maybe we hurt someone’s feelings.

Goodbye, Mr. Spock. He lived long, he prospered, and who knew that split-fingered salute he was always flashing was a Hebrew letter signifying the name of God? Talk about putting one over on Hollywood!

As NASA spacecraft approaches dwarf planet Ceres… Ceres evinces two bright lights. Warning lights, welcome lights, or reflections off a giant alien monolith? We’ll find out March 6.

DC Comics’ Catwoman comes out as bisexual. Are there any comics left without LGBT, Muslim, or environmental whacko superheroes? What’s next, Captain America turns out to be a Soviet sleeper agent?