Government experts confirm mermaids do not exist. However, belief in green energy unicorns, stimulating Keynesian tooth fairies and free mandatory healthcare made possible by a non-mandated tax (or a non-taxing mandate?) is obligatory until further notice.
View Comments (42)
I'll tolerate this but the government better not say Bigfoot doesn't exist or that they're not studying captured space aliens at Area 51.
My father was raised in Roswell, New Mexico and he can tell you for a fact that the aliens that crashed near there were transfered to Area 51. The didn't have the medical facilities at the Roswell Army Air Corps base to do a proper study on the little green bodies.
Not sure about big FOOT, but I can point out a couple of big MOOCHES in the white house.
I been a thinkin' 'bout this. It means Darryl Hannah doesn't smell like fish.
I'll go check, and get right back to you.
Don't know for sure, but I really wanted to find out 30 years ago.
Yes sir, I'll agree with you on that! She can't help being dumber than a mud fence but my oh my, what a body.
I can't help it, I gotta say it! How do you know? You been sniffing "around" Hannahs plastic body?
Remember the series a few years ago, I think it was on Discovery CH, about dragons? Done the same way, perfectly straight, based on a fossil and historical record. With,of course, vividly realistic CGI recreations showing dragons fighting dinosaurs and Medieval knights!
I musta missed that one. Did they show how the dragons ignited the fire out of their mouths?
Pilot lights.
Ok, that's how we lit the fire coming out of the fire-breathing, car eating, jet powered dragon I used to operate. Hey, it beats working for a living, and I got to travel the country.
LOL
The worst part about this is the government is wrong once again, because mermaids do exist. I don't see why there is a coverup. They're just mermaids, it's not a BFD or anything like that which needs to go on a t-shirt.
I think I'll apply for a government grant to research and see if PT Barnum's Egress can fly. Should be worth at least a few million if I find the right government retard.
Just how much money did the dipshit administration spend on this? Next a billion dollar study on why poop floats....Bang head several times....
Poop floats?
Only if you eat lots of tofu and moose poo..I heard that from John...
Isn't John living proof that poop floats?
Yup...hehe
Well, if you have to eat moose poo, I guess I'll have to take John's word on this one.
Good idea, defer to the expert.
OMG! This is not possible. We obviously need to spend more money to find out the truth's truth because this is not true.
*sighs*
*forehead smack*
Maybe Gollum will catch us one. Probably the government simply wasn't looking for Mermaids in the right place! I'll bet we have one or two of them swimming in the lake that the stream behind Ms. Jenn's Home for Wayward Trolls empties into.
ETA: The article said something about how this was a "response" to people calling and asking about mermaids because of a "documentary" or something. Oi. I can't decide if it was a bunch of people pranking the gov't or people stupid enough to wonder about it and think calling a governmental agency for the answer was a good idea.
Animal Planet, ”Mermaids: The Body Found." Saw somebody saying it was done very well and they could see how a few people could be fooled if they didn't know it was a "mock"umentary.
Jenn, haven't you been to Weeki Wachee?
Mermaids are real!
LOL! Actually, we went to some park (maybe that was it?) years ago, and there were "mermaids" who could stay under water for an astonishingly long time. I remember my kids trying so hard to hold their breath as long.
That's it.
I saw the documentary in question. But I was half asleep, and can't remember if it was convincing or not.
P.T. Barnum unavailable for comment.
Gosh. Where would we be without the government to let us know the answers to these burning questions?
And Corporate America with their greedy ways have convinced us that a "free market democracy" exists.
Hey Gollum, you being such a great fisherman and all why don't you go and bring me a nice Mermaid? If you do that, I promise to ask Miss Jenn to give you back your preciousssssssssssssss.
Run along now, and I will wait riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh here.
Hee. But I don't have his precious. Corporate Greed (TM john)! stole it from him. ;)
But, don't worry, Gollum, honey! If you actually catch us a Mermaid, I *will* have a special treat for you. I will replace your toy Evil Mordor Cheetos and even create a miniature Barad-dûr tower for you to keep them in!
Give it a rest... this stopped being funny a long time ago.
Corporate Greed is no laughing matter, it's very much a serious issue.
And you're seriously stupid.
Well you sir, are a laughing matter.
Did it say anything different?
LEFTIST STUPIDITY!!1!
Oh, hello, Gollum. How's the fishing going, honey? Have you caught anything tasty yet?
You mean Ariel isn't real? Disney lied to us??
They're real or at least they used to exist BEFORE the internal combustion engine went into mass production. Everyone knows that mermaids numbered well into the eleventy millions before global warming induced ice melt killed them off. When the seas rose they all got stuck under the docks and drowned.