OBAMACARE WEB OFFICIAL: 60 TO 70 PERCENT OF WEBSITE STILL UNBUILT: Time to call in Al Gore. If he could invent the Internet, surely he can fix this website.

Obama flubs during health care conference call with community organizers, claims ‘more than 100 MILLION Americans’ have enrolled. 1 + 1 doesn’t = potato anymore. It is now 1 + 1 = 100 million. The new Obamamath.

Cher calls Sarah Palin the C-word. Bitter waxes the wrinkled old diva at the sight of a beautiful female politician.

Obamacare conference call spoiled by website failure. President 404.

Morose Obama asks his base for psychological intervention. “My main message is I’m going to need your help, your energy, your faith, your ability to reach out to neighbors, kids and friends [and] co-workers.” Yo, Barry baby… people’s lives are being turned upside down thanks to you. Vapid happy talk from your cultists ain’t gonna help. Somebody get this man a pain pill!

Woman proffered as ObamaCare success story now can’t afford to buy policy. “Turns out she doesn’t qualify for a tax credit after all. … Chalk it up to a bollixed-up state website that apparently still has major problems.” Yeah, there’s a lot of that going around these days. We hear tell insurance is complicated to buy.

IF THESE CLAIMS BY ‘RELIABLE SOURCES’ ARE PROVEN TRUE, THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION WILL BE DEALING WITH ANOTHER HUGE SCANDAL. Another day another Obama administration travesty.

Homes raided, subpoenas issued targeting conservative groups and allies of Scott Walker. This is a disgusting abuse of power. Evidently the new Democrat greeting is sieg heil.

AL JAZEERA AMERICA LOSES MORE THAN HALF OF CURRENT TV’S AUDIENCE. Perhaps they should spice up their shows. We’d suggest: Jihad Tonight, Burqa Babes, How I Beheaded Your Mother, The Big IED Theory, Breaking Boston, Open Sesame Street and Hell on Camels, for starters.

Anti-pipeline protesters gather in Calgary to decry climate change. Was Al Gore there? Due to a snow storm only about 50 showed up.

Weekend of gangland violence grips Chicago as 18 are shot and injured including a boy, 15, and girl, 16. Chicago’s motto “City in a garden” should be changed to “City is a graveyard.”

Joe Biden hides from Obamacare crisis. Obama is scared he’ll say Obamacare is a big f**king disaster.

Bloomberg News censors, then fires, investigative reporter in China. Because in the mainstream media you can call a Tea Partier any name you want, but don’t you dare tell the truth about Communist China.

Boeing may look to Middle East after Seattle unions reject contract. Arabs building planes – what could go wrong?

Ex-Secret Service agent’s insurance cut under ObamaCare. ““If the plan I had was substandard, then why is the government providing the exact same insurance plan to the Secret Service, the people who put their lives on the line every day to protect them?” Just like a stopped clock, Obama spends most of the day telling you something that isn’t true.

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand: President Obama Should Have Been ‘More Specific’ With Healthcare Promise: The Obama statement was plenty specific. Lies of that caliber usually are.

HuffPo writer has 12 reasons why Obama is one of the best presidents ever. And he’s serious.

Texas A&M law prof says it’s time to repeal Second Amendment. She also thinks the entire US Constitution is an obsolete document: “Why do we keep such an allegiance to a constitution that was driven by 18th Century concerns? How many of you recognize that the main concern of the 18th Century was a standing army?” No, the Constitution’s main concern was to protect the citizens from people like you. We need those protections now more than ever.

Potentially fatal “knockout” game targeting strangers may be spreading. “…teens participating in this game [which] involves randomly targeting passersby, with the ultimate goal being to knock them out with one punch as they walk by.” So if you live in an area where there’s a lot of “teenagers”, be on your guard, just like Barry’s typical white grandmother.

Membership in Episcopal Church plummets. After a decade of welcoming gays, lesbians, and Arians into the priesthood, and adopting leftwing causes like global warming, membership is down 24%.

EDUCATION SEC. ARNE DUNCAN: SOME ‘WHITE SUBURBAN MOMS’ OPPOSE COMMON CORE BECAUSE IT SHOWS THEIR KIDS AREN’T ‘BRILLIANT.’ We bet his white suburban mom thought he was brilliant. Man was she wrong!

A Russian GPS Using U.S. Soil Stirs Spy Fears: This administration has record of everything we do in our digital lives which is to say a record of nearly everything we do in our real lives. After that what is there to fear from Russia?

The Clattering Train. “The status quo is facing an extinction event and they are beginning to realize it.” Obama channels Louis XV: “After me, the deluge.”

BILL GATES BACKS WASHINGTON INITIATIVE THAT WOULD END PRIVATE GUN SALES. Well, someone has to replace Mayor Nanny Bloomberg as the National Know-It-All Douchebag.

Obama didn’t consult health insurers before making Obamacare changes. Of course not. Why would the smartest man in the world need to consult anyone?