1. Use all the damn toilet paper you want. Double ply. Triple ply. And if they make it, quadruple ply.
2. Keep your car idling while you listen to “Free Bird” one more time.
3. Take a long, hot shower with a high-flow showerhead after watching the
latest Megan Fox movie.
4. Light up a big pile of old growth firewood and get cozy on your polar
bear rug.
5. Start that fire by using your prized copy of “An Inconvenient Truth” as kindling.
6. As long as its brakes don’t fail, take your Prius down to the nearest
dealership and trade it in on a big, honkin muscle car.
7. Pause to laugh at global warming advocates shoveling snow off their
driveways.
8. Use real light bulbs that create actual friggin’ light when you flip the
switch.
9. Reschedule that polar bear hunt you cancelled in the 90s.
11. Instead of scraping the frost of your car windows in the morning, crank
up Glenn Beck, and use the defrosters.
12. Cancel that trip to the Himalayas to see the glaciers before they disappear.
This post was last modified on March 9, 2011