Man arrested for stealing glacial ice

Man arrested for stealing glacial ice. “A man was arrested in Chile for allegedly stealing more than 5 tons of ice from the Jorge Montt Glacier to sell for use in cocktails, police say. Police intercepted a refrigerated truck Friday with more than $6,100 worth of ice.” What?! There’s still glacial ice?! I’ll take mine shaken, not stirred.

State controller: California is running out of cash

State controller: California is running out of cash. “The controller recommends borrowing and delaying some payments in order to deal with the shortfall, which he projects will last seven weeks. Absent that kind of action, the state could face sending IOUs and delaying tax returns.” Seven weeks? What a genius. Don’t worry gang! It’s only $3.3 Billion Dollars! If only we had a picture of this genius. Oh wait…

House GOP seeks to bar the use of welfare funds at strip clubs

House GOP seeks to bar the use of welfare funds at strip clubs. “A bill that GOP leaders are bringing to the House floor Wednesday would require states to prevent welfare recipients from accessing or spending their benefits at strip clubs, casinos and liquor stores.” Well craps! How am I supposed to visit my baby momma and get that lap dance? And don’t those evil republicans realize it’s an election year? You can bet Barry is going to veto that bill! GO BARRY!

Obama’s commitment to free enterprise is ‘profound’

Obama’s commitment to free enterprise is ‘profound’ “This president’s absolute faith and commitment to the free enterprise system is profound,” Carney told reporters during his daily briefing. I think he meant to say “not found”. And by “free enterprise” he obviously means everything is free for everyone. Where’s that DEM-a-goguery dictionary when you need it!?

The ‘S’ spot: Why scratching your ankle feels as good as sex

The ‘S’ spot: Why scratching your ankle feels as good as sex. “Professor Francis McGlone, a member of the International Forum for the Study of Itch, said: ‘It was interesting that the ankle was the itchiest site and that the most pleasure came from scratching it, because the back has been well-known as a preferred site for scratching.’” After EXTENSIVE comparitive testing, the staff at IHTM.com has come to the conclusion that more testing is needed. We’ve also applied for several grants to fund our research…

Islamic Law Is Destructive to ‘Unalienable Rights’

Islamic Law Is Destructive to ‘Unalienable Rights’. “A federal appeals court has blocked an Oklahoma voter-approved measure barring state judges from considering Islamic and international law in their decisions.” Forget about your “rights” – they’ll soon be severed anyway…

After pic HERE – if you dare.

How Calif. redevelopment dies

How Calif. redevelopment dies. “Thousands of city workers empty their desks. Offices go dark. Rows of deteriorated buildings may sit untouched. This is how California’s redevelopment program dies.” Aww. $5 BILLION dollars a year – just to clean up buildings left empty by companies forced out by extreme tax rates. Don’t worry! They’ll be plenty of other jobs once the tax rates go up again… right?

Feds Create Jobs For “Low-Income, Disconnected Youth”

Feds Create Jobs For “Low-Income, Disconnected Youth”. “Announced by the president this week, the Department of Labor’s (DOL) Summer Jobs 2012 is being promoted as a private-federal partnership in which a quarter of a million unemployed, low-income youths will enter the workforce.” Need more votes? Need to show you created jobs? Need to beef up the ranks of your uneducated minions? No problem!

Iran’s Ahmadinejad to seek Latin American support

Iran’s Ahmadinejad to seek Latin American support. “His first stop is OPEC-ally Venezuela, where Ahmadinejad has been assured a warm welcome by President Hugo Chavez. He will also visit Cuba and Ecuador and attend the inauguration of re-elected Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega.” Sure looks like that Axis of Evil got a whole lot bigger on Barry’s watch… Time for a name change.. Maybe Access of Evil?

Forget Christmas next year! “Father Christmas” stabbed to death in Tajikistan

Forget Christmas next year! “Father Christmas” stabbed to death in Tajikistan. A crowd attacked 24-year-old Parviz Davlatbekov and stabbed him with a knife as he visited relatives in the early hours of Monday dressed as Father Frost, who by tradition brings Russian children presents at New Year. “We have witness statements that say the crowd beat Parviz and stabbed him with a knife, shouting: ‘You infidel!’,” one of the sources told Reuters. “It’s beginning to look alot like Jihad…”

Planned Parenthood Reports Half-Billion in Government Aid

Planned Parenthood Reports Half-Billion in Government Aid. “According to its latest annual report, the Planned Parenthood Federation of America (PPFA) received $487.4 million in tax dollars over a twelve-month period and performed 329,455 abortions.” Here’s the report: ANNUAL REPORT To be fair, they DO offer prenatal services – but that’s basically a wheelchair ride to the OR.

Vancouver health authority begins its free crack pipe program for addicts

Vancouver health authority begins its free crack pipe program for addicts. “The glass pipes are heat-resistant and shatterproof, which experts say should reduce injury to the users’ lips and mouth – wounds that can make them more susceptible to diseases such as HIV and Hepatitis B and C.” What a crackpot idea.

Obama gets feisty to score victory in Republican lapse

Obama gets feisty to score victory in Republican lapse. “In order to make the argument more populist, the White House calculated that the break was worth $40 “for a typical American family.” And in doing what they do best, the White House collected stories from thousands of people these past days about what $40 meant to them.” Another win for the most smartest President in American history! Don’t worry about that whole social security thing, c’mon, it’s only for 2 months…

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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