Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

Organized crime-related deaths in one Mexican border state during the first nine months of 2011 exceed the number of Afghan civilians killed in roughly the same period in all of war-torn Afghanistan. Another place the French Army won’t be showing up in. BTW, here’s a msg to AG Eric Holder from Pablo: “gracias por las armas.” He said you’d understand.

Salman Rushdie cancels trip to India after death threat. 25 yrs after publication of “The Satanic Verses”, Salman Rushdie still getting death threats. This one was undoubtedly precipitated by Sarah Palin and other Tea Partiers using the word “target.”

Last night on American Idle: President Obama sings Al Green at the Apollo Theater. Obama, on a fundraising tour (surprise!), stopped off at the Apollo where he sang a few bars of Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together.” Why not, he spent most of the night singing “Money!” This guy is such a ham, he sleeps in pineapple glaze pajamas….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=T-hDt2E8MoE

Utah School Board says cougar mascot too offensive to women. Damn,
no wonder Mercury discontinued the car named after large cat. This Skool Bored must be Dodge fans ’cause they want the mascot to be “Charger” (hey, ain’t that insulting to overspending politicians?) How long before they won’t let us hang clothes in our closets because empty suits are too offensive to Obama?

Illinois has a backlog of more than $4.25 billion in unpaid bills ($8.5 if you count stuff like tax refunds and employee health insurance.) Well, the solution is to raise taxes. Gubbermint is about the useless crap the pols like to pretend we do together or something. Not so fast, wagyu beef breath. Last year, the state increased income taxes 67% as well as corporate taxes. OK, there’s only one thing left to do: IT’S GEORGE BUSH’S FAULT!

New Obama ad defends energy policy, Solyndra. Ooooh, didja know “secretive oil billionaires” are attacking Presidente Obama? Scary. But he’s gallantly defending our right to buy expensive oil from countries that hate us instead of cheap stuff from our friends in Canada. And catch the dates on those blurbs endorsing his “ethics”… almost as out of date as a Sears Christmas catalog.

“President Obama blames the press for creating the image that he’s aloof and disconnected from the rest of Washington…” Yeah, how dare the Mostly Fellating Media make an incompetent buffoon who spends most of his time playing golf and/or vacationing seem like he doesn’t give a sh*t about anything. It’s soooo unfair.

Dems propose ‘Reasonable Profits Board’ to regulate oil company profits. Spaceman Kucinich (D-Uranus) and five co-idiots realized the cost of gas has doubled during the age of hopeless change and conjured this bullspit to deflect the blame to greedy oil companies while making the cause of the problem (the Democrats) seem like they’re trying to help. Political kabuki for the MSNBC crowd.

The owner of a discount store in Brooklyn says the city is holding him up for $30,000 in fines he can’t afford — all because he stocked six toy sheriff sets that included plastic guns. Well, plastic guns are kinda scary to politicians with plastic brains (like Kim Il Bloomberg.) BTW, the owner of the shop is one Khaled Mohamed – at least NYC is an equal opportunity idiocy.

Bain gives more campaign money to Democrats than it does to Republicans. So does that mean the Democrooks are hypocrites for attacking Bain Capital? Of course not! Thru their advanced political gymnastics, they will prove to you that Democrats accepting Bain money is GOOD and Republicans doing the same is BAD. Oh, and they have a bridge for sale, too.

Democrat Gov Cuomo lobs public pension grenade at NY unions. Raising retirement age, increasing worker contributions, offering a 401K option – but only for new hires (if there ever are any.) Guess what, the unions are up in arms over it anyway. What part of “the state’s broke” don’t they understand?

The National Enquirer says “The mother of JESSE JACKSON’s love child is blasting him as a deadbeat dad for falling behind on child sup­port payments.” In official documents, Karin Stanford claims the 70-year-old famed civil rights leader owes $11,694.50 for their daughter Ashley, now 12. Is the Enquirer raaaaacist for reporting this? Sure, Jesse’s a Democrat. AND an Obama supporter. Double raaaaacist.

Jimmy Carter: Gingrich has “That subtlety of racism”. Jimmy Carter hears the raaaaacism dog whistle wherever he goes (except when he’s kissing butt in North Korea or Venezuela.) We’re curious: is he really that much of a sh*thead or does he just wash his hair in toilets a lot?

President Obama’s Council on Jobs and Competitiveness calls for an “all-in approach” to energy policy that includes expanded oil-and-gas drilling as well as expediting energy projects like pipelines. Guys, get a clue: the Lord of the 19th Hole doesn’t give a crap about your recommendations, you’re mainly there to decorate his “Obama is Awesome 2012!” campaign dog and pony show. Glad we could clear this up for ya.

Justice Alito to EPA: “don’t you think most ordinary homeowners would say this kind of thing can’t happen in the United States?” Justices probe the tyrannical nature and lack of due process afforded the average person by agencies like the EPA. Win, lose or draw, this is gonna leave a mark.

Obama: More jobs in jobless benefits than Keystone. “I would not ask anyone to do something I’m not willing to do myself,” Obama said when asked if he would go on vacation while keeping Congress in Washington D.C. Really? He once did something himself?

Obama Rejects Keystone pipeline, blames GOP. Yeah, the gasbag-in-chief claims it’s the Republicans’ fault because they demanded he make a decision within 60 days instead of dithering until after the election. The 3 words that describe the Obama “leadership” style: Present! Fore! Vacation!

Inconvenient truth: the distribution of income in the U.S. is basically the same as it was a quarter-century ago—and the middle class has gained ground over the last decade. Sure, next you’re gonna tell us there’s no unicorns either.

Ancient Greek sites could soon be available for rent. Speaking of venues suitable for the bestest, smartest president ever to use a teleprompter to speak in, Greek debt problems will make some really cool sites available soon. King Putt could babble in front of some real Greek columns instead of styrofoam ones. BTW, anyone know what the phrase “Achilles’ heel” means?

New Obama OMB director a Bain Capital alum. Bain Capital, Mitt Romney’s old firm. “Yeah, Bain Captial types are evil, greedy, Wall St scum, that’s why I hired one as my OMB director.” Smooth.

Experienced at “bank takeovers and capitol occupations”? There’s a place for you with the SEIU! SEIU job posting has interesting requirements like “train and lead members in non-violent civil disobedience” and “plan and execute strategic direct action field plans including banner drops, bank takeovers, and capitol occupations.” It’s not mentioned but we assume experience at beating up political opponents is a plus.

The Huffington Post Twitter Account Gets Hacked: Homophobic And Racist Tweets Sent. “The New York Post rules!” exclaimed one of the anarchic tweets. Gosh, Froma Halfwit oughta get five or six columns out of this.

An unpublished report from Duke researchers shows that black undergraduates are disproportionally more likely to switch from tough majors to easier ones. “… switch explains how their grades wind up equaling whites, creating the impression that specially admitted students are improving academically…” We’re kinda wondering when there’s gonna be a program to specially admit more oriental kids into NCAA football and basketball.

Why focus on inequality of monetary incomes? What about other inequalities, such as the inequality of influence in public-policy debates? Krugman still trying to sell buddy Barack’s “income inequality” bilge water while glossing over other inequalities such as the disparity of face time (or butt time) on the NY Times editorial pages. Why stop there – we’ve noticed a distinct lack of fairness regarding the way free flights on Air Force One are allocated.

I Got Food Stamps and So Can You! “No one ever asked for a copy of my birth certificate or Social Security card, nor for my student identification card. I answered all of their questions truthfully, but how were they to know that I was who I said I was? Is it really this simple to obtain welfare benefits here in the United States?” Well, if GE and GM are collecting… We all might as well hop on the gravy train now before it totally runs out of steam – forever.