Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

Axelrod on Newt: “The higher a monkey climbs on the pole the more you can see his butt.” Big talk considering the a-hole Axelrod pushed up that same pole.

Dem lawmaker blasts “Professor Obama” as arrogant, alienating. And those are his good qualities. Dennis Cardoza (D-CA) seems to think the GOP stopped Obama from doing anything when the reality is the Nutty Professor pretty much got his way for his first two years. Don’t know if the clown is attempting a little Stalinist revisionism or just effing nuts.

USA Today: Electric bills have skyrocketed in the last five years, a sharp reversal from a quarter-century when Americans enjoyed stable power bills even as they used more electricity. By sheer coincidence, the Democrats took over Congress in 2007 and Obama took over as President in 2009.

Hurricane predictors admit they can’t predict hurricanes. Two top U.S. hurricane forecasters say a look back shows their past 20 years of forecasts had no value. Remember when forecasters predicted an increase in the number of hurricanes due to global warming? No doubt the inability to predict hurricanes is another proof/sign/effect of it.

Tuba or not tuba – that is the thieves’ question: rash of unsolved tuba thefts plagues Southland high schools. Locals say the thefts likely due to Southern Cal’s banda music craze and the price brass instruments fetch on the black market. A music craze that features cheaper instruments, like kazoos, would fix the problem then.

Gallup: Fear of big government at near-record level. A big increase in the number Democrats who are wary of big guv: from 32% in 2009 to 48% in 2011. Who coulda guessed raaaaacism is contagious.

Bowing President asks Iran to return surveillance drone – Iran sez when Moochelle flies economy. Obama: “We have asked for it back. We’ll see how the Iranians respond.” Like this: “No one returns the symbol of aggression to the party that sought secret and vital intelligence related to the national security of a country.” Well, that was easy.

Delusional Debbie denies unemployment has gone up under Obama. Well, we guess it just depends on what her definition of “up” is. Up hers.

AP con job: headline says “Michelle Obama breaks jumping jacks record” – but it doesn’t mean what you think it means. Headline made us think she herself did a whole lotta jumping jacks, but the story reveals her “record” is for the most people doing jumping jacks in a 24-hour period. In other words, Moochie didn’t do squat besides have her staff send out emails hectoring people to do jumping jacks so she could get herself some cheap publicity. Con job.

North Korea warns South Korea over lighting of Christmas tree-shaped towers. North Korea delivers its annual holiday reminder: Marxism and sanity don’t mix.

Preacher tells First Family, congregation: “Many unfairly expected a messiah that could cure the U.S. of all its problems, and now we see it’s not that easy.” Padre, here’s a few rubles, go buy a clue: who was it that raised those unfair expectations? Which candidate’s campaign and the media (ooops, same thing) went around talking about him in messianic terms???? BTW, if you’d have said this in 2008 when it mattered, you woulda been called a raaaaacist. Jerk.

MSNBC host and serial tax-increase advocate Al Sharpton owes IRS $2.6 million. “Sharpton drew a $241,732 salary and perks… owes the IRS $2.6 million in income tax, and nearly $900,000 in state tax.” Surprised we not.

A tale of two car problems: the Toyota accelerator problems (later attributed to driver error) produced public hearings and government threats. The Chevy Volt fires produced crickets chirping. “Guess which one has a union that supported Obama’s election and which does not. Guess which one Obama bought equity in with taxpayer money?” Hogwash. It’s like saying Solyndra got a loan ’cause the principal is a big Obama donor or something.

Good news! Obama predicts drop to 8% unemployment by election day! But Barry… didn’t your administration once predict that, thanks to your stimu-fail-us, unemployment would peak at 8%? Is this another Orwellian “Big Brother has raised the chocolate ration” thing? No, of course not, Moochelle would never let us eat chocolate.

Climate conference approves “landmark” deal – for more negotiations. “The 194-party conference agreed to start negotiations on a new accord that would ensure that countries will be legally bound to carry out any pledges they make. It would take effect by 2020 at the latest.” Climate change exists because college educated leftists are above falling for 3-card monte or shell games. But the good thing about it is it keeps idiot diplomats and media-ocrities off the streets and puts them 10,000 miles away in Durban.

CBS poll: Just 41 percent of Americans think Mr. Obama has performed his job well enough to be elected to a second term, whereas 54 percent don’t think so. And most of the 41% think Obama’s job is flying around the world to play golf.

UN Climate draft text demands “New International Climate Court” to compel reparations from the West for “climate debt” because of its “historical responsibility” for causing “global warming.” UN again reveals itself to be a bunch of greedy con artists using global warming as their scam. Don’t take our word for it – one of them admitted it: “As a senior UN diplomat told me last year, ‘The UN exists for only one purpose: to get more money. That, and that alone, is the reason why it takes such an interest in climate change.’”

Occupy Charlotte NOT! Dem convention host city working on ordinance that would make occupying downtown spaces with tents a “public nuisance.” Which it is, but that’s not what Obama and the Democrat-media complex have been telling us. For their part, the protesters say they don’t even have a plan for the DNC yet, but acknowledge the opportunity it presents. “Everybody I talked to said the DNC is ground zero for everything,” said one organizer. Hey, the media’s correct – these occupy movements DO have some good points!

Ma’am Boxer: you climate change deniers are “endangering humankind.” “Humankind” being defined as the gravy trains of Al Gore and big Dem contributors like the Solyndra hucksters. Slam, bam, thanks for the laugh, ma’am.

Fast n’ Furious Fireworks: Issa threatens Holder with contempt of Congress. Issa compared Holder to John Mitchell, Nixon’s AG brought down by Watergate. Holder fired back by invoking the McCarthy-era line, “Have you no shame?”, which Issa threw right back at him. You can tell when a liberal has nothing substantial to say – he resorts to McCarthy references.

Law and Order HELL! Occupy Wall Street protesters shut down “Law & Order: SVU” set depicting OWS. Hollywood came out to “support” OWS (maybe a better word is “appropriate”) and gets pooped on for their trouble. Ironic. What is the word we’re looking for here…. oh, yes… HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Obama celebrates Hanukkah 2 weeks early. The president noted “our unshakeable support and commitment to the security of the nation of Israel.” (But he didn’t celebrate Ramadan or his birthday two weeks early, did he?) Obama’s IS right, this is the most transparent administration EVAH (but just not in the sense that he meant it.)

GM CEO Dan Akerson: “we have 7,000 more people working on the same amount of work on our competitors. It’s just like the Communist Party in China in the 1960s. There has to be a cultural revolution here.” The winner of the Joe Biden “unintentional revelation of truth” award for today.

MF Global client money may not be “missing” – firm likely took advantage of legal loophole to use customer money to buy assets in company’s name. It’s a legal loophole in international brokerage regulations concerning rehypothecation, where a bank or other broker-dealer reuses the collateral pledged by its clients as collateral for its own borrowing. The bottom line is that MF Global’s clients may not get their MF money back. Same old story, Democrats and Other People’s Money…

Chris Christie: Barack Obama is the cause of OWS anger. “They represent an anger in our country that Barack Obama has caused, because he is a typical, cynical Chicago ward politician who runs for office and promises everything and then comes to office and disappoints.” Speaking truth to poopers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiH8DcWmfDM&feature=player_embedded#!