Author: J.P. Travis

PETA promotes vegan condoms to teens. Regular condoms use a substance derived from milk, you see, and that’s… well, bad and yucky somehow. Which begs the question: are liberals so stupid they think they have to eat the condoms afterward?

Kennedy sideswipes truck, truck driver gets ticketed. Kerry Kennedy, RFK’s daughter, ran into Rocco Scuiletti’s truck on the expressway and kept going. His truck wasn’t damaged so he proceeded with his route. What’s he gonna do, chase her down like some kind of vigilante? Anyway, yesterday Rocco, not Kennedy, was charged with leaving the scene of an accident. Once again the depraved Kennedy clan seems to be above the law.

Muslim shouting “Allahu Akbar” tries to steal Olympic flame from torch bearer. If it’s not unions trying to destroy the Olympics, it’s Muslims. The next attack will probably come from Occupoopers.

Confirmed: Obama spends more time golfing than working on the economy. The numbers for his presidency are 600 hours spent playing golf, 412 hours in economic meetings. On the bright side, more hours probably wouldn’t have helped the economy – the extra hours sure didn’t help his golf game.

Union bugs infest London Olympics. First, immigration officials announced they plan to walk out the day before the Olympics start, leaving Heathrow in the lurch just when everybody is arriving. Now train drivers in central England plan to walk out in the middle of the Olympics. What’s next? Wisconsin teachers flown in by the NEA to teach gymnastics judges how to call in sick?

Half of IPCC’s global warming created by data adjustments. A new scientific paper, peer-reviewed and presented to a European Geosciences Union meeting, blames almost half of reported climate warming on data adjustments by climate alarmists which are “mainly statistical, not well justified by experiments, and are rarely supported by metadata.” In other words, pure bullshit.

Eco-libtard Bill Gates funding scary climate experiment in New Mexico. This follows his failed 2009 giant-tub proposal for stopping hurricanes. At some point, this idiot is going to cause so much harm to the environment with his loony notions that we’ll need emergency government intervention to solve the problems… oh, gee, maybe that’s what he wants?

Guess who held a fundraiser in China. That’s right, the same White House Occupant who accuses Mitt Romney of outsourcing had his campaign staff over in Shanghai raising money for his reelection campaign. Add this event to the fundraisers in France, Switzerland, and Sweden.

Don’t skinny dip in Liuzhou. Somebody apparently dumped their aquarium piranhas in the river and now they’re biting people. So officials decided to pay fishermen $160 each for every piranha they catch. Since piranha are for sale on the Internet for about $50, the communists – who never seem to completely grasp the vagaries of the free market – don’t realize they just inspired a mass infusion of piranha into the region.

First photo uploaded to the World Wide Web. Turns out the history-making picture was a clumsy Photoshop mess uploaded by a guy into cross-dressing… so, in other words, not much has changed about the Internet.

Socialist farmers cry over spilled milk. European dairy farmers are upset. Because milk prices are too low. Because they’re producing too much milk. So the obvious answer is to let the market correct itself until there are fewer dairy farmers and less milk, right? Right? Silly goose, of course not…

Speaking of pronouns at Harvard… the Harvard Crimson felt obligated to apologize for using one. The silly cads used the pronoun “she” to refer to the new director of bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, and queer student life. But she doesn’t like being called “she.” She prefers not to be referred to by a gendered pronoun.

Australia’s Girl Guides drop the Queen from their pledge. Possibly belated acknowledgement of their allegiance to King Mike?

Obama snuffs out another industry. With the stroke of a pen today, Barack Obama put the nation’s roll-your-own cigarette shops out of business. Another day, another group of Americans out of work – just a typical day for the nation’s first red president.

Rightful King of England dies in Australia. The man historical researchers determined was the rightful heir to the British monarchy, but worked as a forklift driver in New South Wales, died Saturday at age 71. His name was Mike. Meanwhile, the usurper known as Queen Elizabeth II is celebrating her Diamond Jubilee. As The Temptations say, “Ain’t No Justice.”

Satanists claim theft is hate crime. They put a sign on their house that said, “VOTE SATAN” and it was stolen. What the hell, right? Who would do that? Probably somebody who was thinking, “Hey, the guy is already in the White House. What more do you want?”

“All I said was… You have three beautiful children.”

SEAL training range removes Muslim target. Bowing to pressure from the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), the Virginia Beach training range for SEALs agreed to remove an image of a Muslim woman holding a gun. This is the new, improved, Obama military after all… where men can marry men, frontline troops are pulled out of the field to take sensitivity courses, and offending Muslims is considered worse than killing them with drone strikes.

46,159 Canadians left the country for healthcare in 2011. Most of them were fleeing socialized Canadian healthcare for free market U.S. healthcare. Of course, that was before Obamacare was approved by the Supreme Court. One has to wonder: where they gonna go now?

D.C. schools spending more than $29,000 per student. According to the Census Bureau, Washington, D.C., public schools spent $29,409 per student in the 2009-2010 school year. That means a class of 25 kids cost taxpayers $735,225 to babysit for a year. No wonder the teachers’ unions own the Democrat Party – they’ve been running a gold mine.

Scientific study determines Antarctic ice not melting. The funny thing is, just yesterday the Associated Press reported that according to climate models the East Coast is threatened by rising sea levels from melting ice. Gee, who do we believe? The science or the computer models?

Gay pride guests at White House flip the bird at Ronald Reagan. It happened about a week ago. Obama hosted a gathering of gay activists at the White House and two participants posed for photographs in front of Ronald Reagan’s portrait. That’s Matthew “Matty” Hart on the left and Zoe Strauss on the right… epitomizing the notion of gay pride. In fact, they were so proud they posted the photos on Facebook.

NBC’s Today Show does it again. Remember how the Today Show edited George Zimmerman’s 911 call to make him sound like a racist? Causing riots and racial strife across the nation? Turns out they also edited their interview with Jerry Sandusky, to make him sound like he was stonewalling. The prosecutors didn’t know the tape was edited so they played it to the jury and now a convicted child molestor has grounds for appeal. Big sloppy thank yous (again) to the “journalists” of Today.

Mayor Bloomberg has a message for America. Referring to gay marriage before joining Saturday’s gay pride parade, the mayor said, “The government should get out of your personal life.” Apparently he doesn’t have an irony bone in his body, because today he’s back at work outlawing large sodas and big servings of popcorn.

Bill Maher and Nobel Prize-winning liberal economist can’t multiply. Bill Maher wants to know how much 87 times 5 is, so he looks at economist Joseph Stiglitz, obviously thinking, “Hey, this guy won a Nobel Prize so he should be able to multiply.” But it turns out Stiglitz is as dumb as Maher.