Author: J.P. Travis

Disney Epcot sacrifices fat villains to political correctness. The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance objected (between cheeseburgers no doubt) to the fat villains in Epcot’s “Habit Heroes” exhibit which was an attempt to get kids to stop eating. So Disney shuttered the attraction. For the first time in history, PC cartoon characters violate PC standards and are executed by the PC police.

Professor accidentally validates the science of phrenology. We know, we know, it’s a strange headline, but look at that crazy face. Then read about her theory that climate change skepticism is a sickness that needs to be treated. The face matches the theory, doesn’t it?

Trayvon Martin’s doctored photo. Why do you suppose the media did this? They took a legitimate photo of shooting victim Trayvon Martin and lightened his coloring, smoothed his skin, narrowed his head, and generally made him look like a little kid. Why do you suppose?

WARNING: Your gag reflex might engage. Especially if you loved Captain America as a kid. Jeepers creepers, is nothing sacred with these people?

Mayor Bloomberg turns down food donated to homeless people. The mayor’s food dictators are afraid donated food might be too salty, thereby violating one of New York City’s nutrition edicts. God knows, too much salt in the kugel is a big worry when you’re sleeping on sidewalks.

GPS directs Japanese tourists into ocean. The GPS said drive into the ocean… so they did. When the car stopped moving, the GPS offered no suggestions.

Obama misquotes another Republican. This time it’s Rutherford B. Hayes, 19th president, dead for 120 years. Obama claims he didn’t like the telephone – turns out he loved the damn thing. Obama claims he was looking backwards – turns out he was cutting edge, being the first president to use a telephone, typewriter, and phonograph in the White House.

Wilt Chamberlain had nothing on Jocko Besne. Wilt claimed to have had sex with 20,000 women, but Jocko fathered 400,000 offspring before dying this month. Jocko was probably Republican, since not one of those offspring was sired with a mistress during a presidential campaign or born after a weiner-Tweeting frenzy.

Oops, estimated cost of Obamacare doubles. According to the CBO, not only is it twice as expensive as originally promised, it will cover 2 million fewer people, too. And these are merely estimates, so tune in next year for updated, even-more-frightening numbers.

Collection of Obama rudeness. Who can watch this man in action and contemplate voting for his reelection? Just in case this video isn’t sufficient, remember: today he’s dragging the British prime minister to a basketball game between Western Kentucky and Mississippi Valley State… what could be ruder than that?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3J5SC73BFk&feature=player_embedded

Switzerland wants its gold back. Supposedly the gold is in the basement of the New York Federal Reserve, but they won’t let anybody look to make sure. Now that we have a communist with dictatorial ambitions running the country, it’s dawning on the world’s nations that maybe a basement in New York isn’t a safe place anymore.

Apparently there was a military coup and nobody told Congress. The number of times Pannetta has taken an oath to uphold the consitution, you’d think at some point he would have read the damn thing. This is a frightening video – not just because the Defense Secretary thinks the military doesn’t have to answer to elected officials anymore, but because the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff is such a dork. Now we know what happened to Howdy Doody.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5zNwOeyuG84

Socialized healthcare = end of individual liberty. In the UK, if you want a hip replacement, knee replacement, cataract surgery, in vitro fertilisation, or certain other procedures, you must first get your lifestyle approved by government bureaucrats. No potential problems lurking in that policy.

School apologizes for shouting “USA! USA!” at basketball game. Somehow, some way, the school district decided that shouting “USA!” at an American sports event is a racial insult. The fact that the school’s name is “Alamo Heights” adds a touch of delicious irony to this nonsensical exercise in political correctness, doesn’t it?

Orator-in-chief says “uhh” 96 times in 5 minutes. Meanwhile, the other guy, Benjamin Netanyahu, speaks clearly and eloquently without a single “um…” If you’re American, it’s embarrassing.

Hogs gone wild in Islamabad. If you don’t get a chuckle out of the idea that wild pigs are running rampant and threatening the human inhabitants of the capital of a Muslim country… you don’t have a sense of humor.

Italian physicists can’t decide whether neutrinos travelled faster than light. They ran into three problems with their measurements: one, because of relativity the damn neutrinos keep arriving before they left; two, the Greek holding the stopwatch keeps going on break; and three, Obama made them use neutrinos made out of algae.

Gas prices too high? Don’t worry, Obama has a new idea: ALGAE! “You’ve got a bunch of algae out here,” Obama said at the University of Miami today. “If we can figure out how to make energy out of that, we’ll be doing alright. Believe it or not, we could replace up to 17 percent of the oil we import for transportation with this fuel that we can grow right here in America.”

Magic Johnson launches new TV network. The new channel is called “Aspire.” A better name would be “Conspire” since it’s the direct result of Maxine Waters and Eric Holder strong-arming Comcast into giving Magic and 9 other “minorities” their own networks. What’s next, a New Black Panthers channel called “Bludgeon?”

Pentagon consultant says Eisenhower met with alien. The former consultant claims President Eisenhower set up the meeting telepathically, and signed an agreement with a race called “Alien Greys.” No word on whether that agreement involved making a young Barack Obama president someday.

Study says electric cars dirtier than gasoline cars. And the study only looked at air pollution. They didn’t pay any attention to the foul chemicals used to make the batteries.

Turns out cats really do make you crazy. According to scientists, felines harbor a parasite that commandeers your brain cells, forcing you to like the smell of cat piss, ignore risk, and react slowly. Remember President Clinton and his pet cat, Socks? Doesn’t this explain a lot?

BBC to staff: don’t call al-Qaeda preacher an “extremist”. That sounds too much like a “value judgment” and everybody knows the BBC doesn’t have values. Oh, by they way, they don’t want staff using old photos that make him look fat, either, because he’s “lost a lot of weight.” No wonder the terrorists don’t hire public relations firms – they have the BBC for free!

Iran makes it official. The Iranian government laid out the legal and religious justification for the destruction of Israel and the slaughter of Jewish people worldwide. In such troubling times, isn’t it reassuring that Barry Obama – the man who wanted to talk to the Iranians without preconditions, won’t let the Israelis take out the Iranian nuclear facility, and ignored the Iranian people’s uprising in 2009 – is in charge?

Tourette’s-like syndrome sweeps through rural New York town. Finally, a possible explanation for the behavior of Anthony Weiner, the verbal gaffes of Joe Biden, and President Obama’s golf game.