Author: J.P. Travis

Brave New Gay World begins. Today, after the Supreme Court’s twisted ruling, a newspaper in Pennsylvania banned anti-gay marriage op-eds and letters to the editor.

Liberals want to control your underwear, too. North Charleston police sergeant Shannon Dildine was fired yesterday for owning Confederate flag boxer shorts.

Testicle chomping fish from Amazon found in New Jersey lake. The stories about illegal immigrants allowed into the country by Obama’s open border policies keep getting worse.

Say what? Climate experts are back to predicting an ice age. Turns out the sun—that big ball of fire that warms the planet but the IPCC seems to think is irrelevant—has been unusually inactive lately and the repercussions could be dire. Our No Shit Sherlock moment for the month.

Valerie Jarrett’s family. According to FBI files, Jarrett’s father was an ardent communist in communication with a Soviet agent who fled the country to avoid arrest, her grandfather, another communist, had a business partnership with that same Soviet agent, and her father-in-law, Vernon Jarrett, was considered by the FBI a “potential Communist saboteur.”

Pope’s climate science advisor is atheist Gaia believer. Hans Schellnhuber uses the word “geophysiological” a lot, believes in radical population control, and in 2009 co-authored a paper that polled scientists and reached a consensus that Greenland’s ice sheet would melt by 2015. (For any Warmists reading this: it did not.)

Australian newspaper warns that Global Warming will shrink bread loaves. According to The Sydney Morning Herald, which apparently couldn’t find any real news to report, by 2050 the amount of carbon dioxide in the air will make bread dough rise less.

ISIS announces Ramadan “Memorize The Quran” contest. If you come in first, second, or third, you get a slave girl—after that you have to settle for money.

John Boehner finally stops crying and gets tough with his political enemies. Oh, don’t worry, he didn’t get tough with Obama or congressional Democrats. Heck no. What he did was tell one of his principle-challenged brown-nosing minions, Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah), to fire fellow Republican Mark Meadows from his subcommittee chairmanship for voting against Obama’s trade bill.

Ohio Democrats took bribes from red-light camera company. Those Orwellian cameras that send you a traffic ticket if you run a yellow light? Now you know why city council members are willing to put them up and irritate the crap out of their own constituents—lucrative kickbacks.

How out of touch are the members of Congress? Lindsey Graham, who’s trying to get into the White House without leaving the closet, has never sent an email—that’s how out of touch they are.

Rachel Dolezal’s favorite comic book as a kid? The day Superman turned Lois Lane into a black woman.

NBC News demotes Brian Williams to MSNBC. MSNBC is the perfect solution. Where else can you plug a highly-paid dimwitted liar into the evening lineup without anyone noticing?

Black Republican woman from Brooklyn wins election as mayor of Hispanic-majority San Antonio and the first words out of her mouth are “To God be the glory!” Funnest headline I’ve ever written. Meanwhile, the San Antonio Democrat machine is in shock and suicidal… which was also kind of fun to write.

Francis’s papal encyclical on the environment leaked. To nobody’s surprise, the first communist pope believes in Global Warming and wants a new global government to deal with it. That gurgling sound you hear is the Roman Catholic Church getting flushed down the toilet.

Fake black woman sued Howard University for discriminating against her because she was white before creating successful career as black woman discriminated against because she was… Oh screw it, it’s too confusing. Just writing the headline gives us a headache and she’s resigned from the NAACP now anyway so: hasta la vista, fake-black white woman born in a teepee. (She’ll understand that—she’s probably Hispanic too.)

Why haven’t they caught those two escaped prisoners yet? Well, because New York’s Governor Cuomo has turned the manhunt into what one prison guard calls “a total cluster f–k,” that’s why.

Hillary lists her two biggest accomplishments. One, standing up to Putin; and two, being in the Situation Room when Bin Laden was killed. So hitting a Staples reset button while using the wrong Russian word and watching SEAL Team 6 on a big screen TV—that’s what she accomplished as Secretary of State.

Former governor of Massachusetts under investigation for embezzlement. Ho hum, yawn, stretch—another day, another crooked Democrat.

ABC News prediction from 2008: NYC underwater by 2015. And these two idiots are still in the talking head business—Chris Cuomo is now at CNN and Bob Woodruff is still at ABC. Apparently there is no such thing as “too stupid to be a journalist.”

Black like me? Rachel Dolesal, a self-described black woman and serial reporter of hate crimes against herself, who used her self-described blackness to build a career as Spokane’s NAACP president, professor of Africana studies at Eastern Washington University, and a city job… is actually 100% white. Next step: run for the Senate like Elizabeth Warren?

Arab-American journalist on NPR accuses Bernie Sanders of having Israeli citizenship. “Interesting,” said Diane Rehm when the senator corrected her, telling her that was nonsense from the Internet. Later she said she read it on Facebook. (And that, my friends, is what passes for journalism on NPR.)

Al-Qaida in Libya declares war on ISIS in Libya. Talk about a win-win for civilization.

Obama’s EPA regulations 46 times bigger than Holy Bible. There are 646,128 words in the Bible. In six years, this president has added approximately 29,770,000 words to EPA regulations. So far.

Nightmare for Muslims in Ohio. A truck overturned on State Route 35, spilling 2,200 piglets into the road. One emergency worker said, “We’ll probably never round them all up.”