Author: J.P. Travis

Illinois Democrat’s home raided for child porn. Coincidentally, Keith Farnham resigned last Wednesday, citing bladder cancer. Uh huh. Red State points out that he was a tireless advocate for children, working through an organization ominously named “Stand For Children.”

Robots writing more news stories than you think. Yesterday, a robot broke the LA earthquake story, for example. By 2030, they expect 90% of news stories will be written by robots. It’s a conundrum for the profession of journalism: how will they convince robots that nothing is Obama’s fault and Tea Partiers are racists?

After firing hundreds of them into Libya, Obama cancels Tomahawk missile program. And the Hellfire program, too. No more Tomahawks for the Navy and no more Hellfires for the Navy. The U.S. Navy will have to glare menacingly and issue sternly-worded statements from now on.

First openly gay House Speaker resigns after FBI raid. For four years, almost every headline about this guy started out with the words, “First openly gay House Speaker.” Now the headline simply says, “Gordon Fox resigns as House speaker…” Suddenly, sexual preference (and political party) is irrelevant.

Mother Jones blames inability to find missing Flight 370 on Global Warming. Distinguishing leftwing media pieces intended to be taken seriously from articles in The Onion is becoming more and more difficult.

Despite outrageous school spending, kids dumber than in 1972. Hence the election and re-election of Barack Obama.

As Russia and U.S. butt heads in Ukraine, astronaut Steven Swanson hitches ride on Soyuz. He’s supposed to blast off Tuesday with two Russian cosmonauts but, if Putin says no more rides for Americans, there will be no way for astronauts to reach the International Space Station because another one of Obama’s brilliant decisions was ending the space shuttle program… which sucks for Swanson but sucks even more for astronaut Rick Mastracchio who’s already up there and won’t have a ride home.

A Tale of Two Cities. One of them sits above the Permian Basin Shale, drilling and fracking hydrocarbons as fast as they can. The other is home to the largest photovoltaic solar generation facility in the world. One of them has the lowest unemployment rate in the nation, the other the highest. Guess which is which.

White House joins liberal media in calling Matt Drudge a liar. Then everyone shuts up and slinks away – without apologizing – when they learn Drudge is factually correct.

Texas A&M study declares Obama the 5th greatest president. Here’s the final results:

1. Reagan & Lincoln tied for first
2. Seventeen presidents tied for second
3. Twenty three other presidents tied for third
4. Jimmy Carter
5. Obama

With Grandpa Jimmy’s help, gubernatorial candidate Jason Carter already breaking the law. Hey, Jimmy thought elections in Venezuela, the West Bank, Gaza, and Egypt were okay so you can imagine how low his standards are. As long as Jason doesn’t start shooting Republicans with a sniper rifle, Jimmy will insist everything is kosher.

Federal government spending $398,213 on Mexican male prostitutes. And, as usual, we’re the ones getting screwed.

Malaysia turns to FBI for help finding missing plane. Which pretty much guarantees the plane will never be found. The FBI? These are the clods who investigated Oklahoma City, Benghazi, and TWA Flight 800. These are the pretend lawmen investigating the IRS scandal and so far, one year later, haven’t managed to interview one single conservative group that was harassed. These are the frauds who spent years testifying in court they could distinguish whether bullet casings came from the same manufacturing run, then had to admit they were lying. Really Malaysia, the FBI? You’d do better hiring a bunch of retirees with metal detectors.

Reporters not allowed on Michelle’s trip to Red China. Nor will she be taking any questions from reporters. Let’s see: first class travel to exotic location, taking Mom & the kids along because it’s spring break, no reporters allowed… If it smells like a vacation junket and quacks like a vacation junket, by golly it’s probably not official business that should be paid for by taxpayers.

Who does Kathleen Kane think she is? Eric Holder? After former Republican Attorney General of Pennsylvania Tom Corbett caught Democrat legislators accepting bribes, Kane, the new AG – a Democrat – dismissed the charges because the crooks were all black and mostly female… therefore the investigation must be racist and sexist.

After five million dollar wedding for daughter, Mugabe wants a raise. Before you laugh, consider: East African elected and re-elected in crooked elections, bankrupted his country once he was in office, violates the constitution regularly, assassinates his fellow citizens, and maintains an extravagant lifestyle bankrolled by the public treasury… sound familiar?

Dear Obamacare buyers in Wisconsin:

I’m so glad you participated in our new health insurance system! Welcome to the future! Unfortunately, I have some bad news. 52 of you think you have coverage but actually do not have coverage… and what’s worse, we don’t know who you are. That’s messed up, I know. Don’t worry, if you’re one of that 52 you’ll find out the next time you’re sick. Good luck!
Sincerely, Barack Obama.

Bill Maher calls God a “psychotic mass murderer” who “drowns babies.” That is Bill’s intellectual interpretation of the story of Noah… suggesting a theological background short on nuance and long on Saturday morning cartoons.

Associate professor wants Global Warming deniers arrested. “My argument probably raises an understandable, if misguided, concern regarding free speech,” concedes Lawrence Torcello. Gee, ya think?

MSNBC reassures its viewers: “Don’t worry, Obama is still popular in Kenya.”

While Russia mobilizes military, Obama whines about mom jeans. “I’ve been unfairly maligned about my jeans,” said Mr. Macho in a radio interview. “The truth is, generally, I look very sharp in jeans.”

Once again, Obama administration says, “Don’t cross this line!” And once again the world chuckles and replies, “Or what?”

Republican challenger in South Carolina calls Lindsey Graham “ambiguously gay.” We give Dave Feliciano credit for his moxie but question his accuracy – what does he mean by “ambiguously”?

The next step: transgendered soldiers. A study commission led by former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders determined there is “no compelling medical reason” for banning transgendered Americans from the military.

Follow the money. Fugitive bankers from Ecuador flee to the U.S. with millions, donate heavily to Obama’s re-election campaign, somehow get residency status even though they are convicted criminal fugitives, and then, lo and behold, Eric Holder denies Ecuador’s request for extradition.